THE BAD HABIT (BISAYA)

14

Z.

“You're leaving?” I asked.

Naabtan nako si Hickey sa iyang apartment nga naga impake.

“Hickey, what are you doing?” I tried to stop her.

Padayon ra syag impake. Something pierced my heart as she averted a glance at me.

Hickey's cold eyes are not even hesitating. “Zayd, I'm married. I can't give up my marriage just to have an affair with you. Let's end this bullshit!”

Nag abot akong kilay. I suddenly remember, Her and Dwight's wedding happened a month ago.

“Baby,” I called.

Looking at Hickey right now feels like I'm looking at a totally different person.

But she's still the woman I love. She was just changed.

Wala ko kabalo sa reason but a month ago she suddenly changed. Nag resign s'ya sa trabaho and I lost contact with her for a week.

Nabal'an nalang nako nga nadayun ilang kasal ni Dwight.

Tapos karun ra nako sya usab nakita.

“Baby, look at me.” Niduol ko sa iyaha ug giatubang s'ya sa akoa.

“I thought you love me?” I asked, hurting, “If you really mean it, then look me in the eyes, please..”

I wanna hug her tight. I want to beg for her to comeback but it feels so impossible.

Hickey glance at me without any emotions. She looked at me straight in the eyes.

“I didn't mean it. I never love you.”

I froze after I heard her say that. Wala man lang niya gibawi iyahang gi sulti, instead, she removed my hands that was holding her.

“I never did, so please let me go because I'm leaving.” she added.

Dang it! Wala koy nahimo. She's already married and I can't see any regrets in her eyes.

“Baby..” I just keep on calling her.

“Zayd stop!”

I cried. “What happened? What happened to us? We were happy man diba?”

I am in so much pain again. The same pain I felt the day I lost my dad and my sister, the day I almost lost my mom.

I am feeling the same pain again.

She shookt her head. “We was happy, Zayd. I was happy! But, you! You were not there when I had a miscarriage..”

Nag kun'ot akong agtang sa akong nadungog. She had a miscarriage? She was pregnant?

Oh God! Oh God! What have I done?

I felt her fist on my chest. Hickey's punching me there while she cried.

“Asa ka ato? Asa ka atong kinahanglan tika? You were with your mom and I couldn't blame you. I want you to be with her, but I also want you to be by my side. But I couldn't call you. So instead of carrying that baby, healthy, I got ill and I lost her.”

I am in shocked. “A b-baby...?” naglisud kog storya.

Doble doble na ang sakit.

“Oh! Of course you didn't know! I lost my baby, Zayd. I lost our child! T-That! That changed me!” she was shouting in pain and anger.

Wala ko kasabot sa akong gibati. The pain I felt earlier kay mas sakit na. Sakit kaayo nga kabutohon akong dughan ug ulo sa kasakit.

I didn't know she was pregnant. And I feel so guilty.

That's our child. Our.

We just lost our child.

Tangina!

Murag gikumot akong dughan sa mga nabal'an. But, it hurts even more seeing her walked away.

“Baby.." I called her again. She's not looking back. Padayon ra s'yang ni baktas padung sa pultahan.

Mura kog estatwa nga nanggahi sa akong gitindogan. Bisan unsaon nakog lihok, dili nako mahimo.

Dili nako mahimo nga gukuron sya ug pugngan.

Hickey stopped walking as she apologize. Pagawas na s'ya sa pultahan.

“I'm sorry, Zayd. I cannot love you the way you did. Sorry.”

—

Mura kog gi sabwagan ug bugnaw nga tubig pag mata nako.

Gihangak ko ug naa pay luha sa akong mata.

Jesus Christ! What kind of dream is that? Why is it so painful? Murag tinuod nga nahitabo.

Hickey left me because she had a miscarriage. She never love me, and then she marry Dwight.

Sakitay.

And I thanked God that it was all a dream. A painful dream.

Wala na nako napugngan akong hilak. Mura kog na trauma sa akong na damgohan. Gabakho ko sa akong kama.

By the thought of losing Hickey is too painful. Dili nako kaya. That dream was so weird.

Dugay dugay sad kong nag hinilak then taud taud ni ring akong cellphone.

Mura kog bata nga nanarapo sa akong luha bago gi tubag ang tawag.

“Baby?” I softly called her. I miss her already.

[Hey, were you sleeping? Did I interrupted your sleep?]

Napanatag ko pagka dungog sa iyang boses. That incident is really a dream.

Atay maka traumatize.

Nanglingo ko. “Nope. Taud taud nasad ko naka mata. How are you there? Did you eat lunch na?”

[Lunch? You mean dinner? I was waiting for you kay nag message ko earlier.. you haven't read it?] I can almost hear her pouting.

I smiled as I check my wrist watch. Nawala akong smile pagka kita sa oras.

It's already 6 in the evening.

“Oh sorry, baby. I overslept. Are you hungry na? I'll get there later. Will you wait for me?”

[Hmm ofcourse! I'll wait. Sige na, hurry up, love. Hurry uuuuup. I'm getting hungry.]

Nakatawa kos ka cute sa iyang tingog. Murag bata nga gi bawian ug candy.

“Alright, I'll be there later. Bye Bye.”

She ended the call.

Nanghupaw ko ug gikalma akong sarili. Taas diay kaayo akong tulog bantog ra gidaman ko.

Naa gihapon ang sakit sa akong heart. Ambot uy, murag tinuod.

All I know right now is I couldn't afford it once I lose Hickey.

Dili nako makita akong sarili nga malipay ug wala s'ya. She created the best version of me.

Hickey is already my life, now. I can't. I shouldn't lose her.

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tobecontinue..
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