Everything I Ever Wanted

Paparazzi pt.1

It's like I was trying to memorize everything about her in hopes I would never forget this moment. I knew our food would be coming soon, at least the thought was somewhere in the back of my mind, although I also knew that as soon as we finished eating I could go see the twins and take a nap in their office which sounded really good at the moment.
———————————————————
Now:
And we stayed like that for 10 more minutes. 10 minutes of calmness. Of no worrying over what was going to happen. No fear of how I should feel or what was coming next. 10 minutes of serenity. And at least feeling some sort of happiness. 10 minutes of knowing that I was safe. 10 minutes of presence, something I don't think I've ever really experienced. 10 minutes of actually being there.

I sat there memorizing everything about the moment. I didn't want to let it go. I needed it to continue. In that moment, I realized that I was feeling something that I had never felt before and if I'm being honest, I don't think I ever expected to feel. I felt loved. I felt cared about. I felt content with my situation with what was going on in my life. And I knew it was because of Lizzie.

So if you asked me why I was so attached to her. Why I had felt so connected. Why I felt like I needed to be with her every second or at least know she was there. Even though I'd only known her for 24 hours, maybe. Well, simply she gave me something no one ever given me. She made me feel ways no one had ever made me feel. She told me I was loved and I didn't believe her at first. But now I know it's true.

I trust her. Or at least I think I do. Not really sure how to trust people or what trust really is? I mean people have broken my trust in the past, but she cared about me. She loved me. She's never given me a reason to doubt the way she feels or thinks about me. So yeah, I trust her and I'm okay with that.

And I'm okay with her loving me. In fact, it makes me feel like I'm on top of the world. Now here we were, the waiter had arrived with our food, placed it on the table, and left. All that was said was a simple, thank you from Lizzie before he walked away. And yet I was stuck in my head for the millionth time today it felt like. I guess she had noticed.

She had mentioned something about going over to my seat to eat before we could leave. She said it would be quick and then we'd be gone and off to the twins office in 15 minutes. But I couldn't bring myself to move. Cuz I felt like if I moved, everything that I'd realized in these past 10 minutes would fade. It wouldn't be true. It wouldn't be real. And I didn't want that. I couldn't afford that. I needed to be where I was. To stay where I was. I needed to be with Lizzie. To sit in her lap while she held me.

She asked me again, nicely. 'Can you go sit down and eat?'And this time I responded, I heard it clearer than the first. Instead of it being in the back of my mind, it was the only thing I could hear. 'I can't' Why did I say that? I said that. She heard me. Of course she heard me. It's like she hears everything that I say, that a feel, that I think. 'why not?' 'I don't want to leave you'

I was opening up. I don't open up. Since when do I open up? What's happening to me? Trust, trust is what's happening. Do you think you trust her? You do, so you tell her things that you wouldn't tell other people? She loves you. She's going to care 'why not, baby?' 'because if I leave you then the moment ends.' 'What do you mean?' 'You love me right?' 'Of course I love you. I love you more than anything in this world.'

Then, why do I feel like if I move that changes? Why do I feel like if I'm no longer here it's different? Why's it different? Of course I didn't say it, but I wanted to. Maybe I should. 'If I move that changes.' I said, quietly. Mostly to myself, no matter how much I knew she would hear it. 'No, it doesn't. Eva, Listen to me. No matter where you are. You could be across the whole world. My love for you will never change. Ever.' 'promise?' 'I promise.'