Survivors guilt

Chapter one

A/N: do people even read merder fics anymore? Just posting this to post it - if there's anyone even out there anymore...

"Are you sure you guys don't want to do this?" Mer asked again.

"Look Mer, if we do this lawsuit then the hospital will be liable, the hospital will go bankrupt, and we will have nowhere else to go. If we do this then everything, we worked for will all go down in flames," Derek spoke against it, he didn't like the idea of it from the beginning.

"We need justice for Alex and Cristina, for Mark almost dying, for the nights of wonder if we will ever be found, for your hand," Meredith kept on, she knew that she had Lexie on her side.

"I'm against it and I don't want any part in this. We can get justice for all of this but not this way," Derek argued, looking at Mark for help.

"She has a good point man, we could have died out there and someone needs to take the blame," Mark took Mer's side, wanting action.

"Think of the few good things that came out of this, most of us are alive, Mark and Lexie found their way back to each other, we got to stay in our home instead of moving away, and I get to spend more time with Maddie," Derek pointed out. Meredith sighed, knowing this was going to go on forever.

They continued to fight; Lexie took sides with Derek because she just wanted it all to be over. After an hour of back and forth, everyone decided not to file a lawsuit.

"Thank you, for finally agreeing with me," He smiled, taking Mer's hand as they made their way down to the daycare. He was proud that he won that time, it was rare he ever won an argument anymore. They walked into the daycare; the kids were scattered out in their groups. Maddie was playing at a table by herself, she has always been independent but will work with others when she has to or wants to. They greeted the daycare worker before going over to the table where she was sitting. Her dirty blonde pigtails that Derek fixed earlier that day had been messed up and her green eyes focused on the task at hand.

"She's more focused than most of the interns here," Meredith said in a quiet voice, Derek laughed and nodded along.

"Hi mommy, hi daddy," The little girl smiled up at both of us as we walked over to her table. She was creating a block tower with pink blocks.

"Hi pumpkin, you almost ready to go home?" Derek asked and she nodded.

"Go get your backpack so we can leave," Meredith said, she took the blocks down and put them away in their correct spot. She disappeared around a corner before coming back with a princess backpack on her shoulders.

"I'm ready," she giggled, looking up at the both of them. She grabbed on to Mer's hand. They all walked over, signing her out before walking toward the car.

"Mommy, why isn't you working tonight?" She questioned, she was so use to Meredith be working almost every night and always questioned why Mer was home.

"Well because there are other doctors who can also save lives so I can spend more time with my favorite girl," Mer smiled down at her. Mer had a sudden bad feeling that came over her, it was a mix of nausea and sadness.

"But you are de bestest at it," She was confused, Mer thought to herself that should be here for her more often. That was the one thing she never wanted to happen.

"Your mommy is the best as it but sometimes she needs a break," Derek answered her this time, fumbling in his pocket with one hand. The automatic doors opened to go outside as they stepped out in the light drizzle coming down.

"Daddy, I can't get my shoes wet," Maddie stopped under the canopy.

"Maddie, come on, it's just water," Derek sighed. He seemed really tired and wanted to go home.