Survivors guilt

Chapter Four

Meredith walked down the corridors, passing the exam rooms as she reached the door that had 'Attending's Lounge' written by the door. She walked in, immediately sitting down on the sofa. She felt lightheaded again, having regrets of coming to work now. She wasn't a resident anymore, she could have taken the day off, but she quickly changes her mind when she remembers the interns. They've only been here a month and they have caused so much havoc. The door opened; Meredith expected to see someone other than a woman who looked barely over 21 walk through the door.

"Meredith Grey?" the younger girl spoke; she nervously pushed a piece of the long brown hair behind her ear.

"Yes, is there something I could help you with?" Meredith asked, standing up. She no longer felt nauseated or lightheaded, something about the way something emergent coming up gets her to forget about the feelings.

"I'm Amber. Amber Karev, I came to pick up stuff for my brother," her eyes bloodshot, seeming as if she had just stopped crying. Meredith's heart broke again, knowing she would have to take this girl into the frat house to give her the rest of his things.

"I'm so sorry for your loss," Meredith sighed, not knowing what else to say to her. The only thing she knew about this girl was she looked like Alex, she had his hair color but had the same color eyes as their brother, Aaron.

"Thanks, sorry about missing the last few times I was supposed to come, I just couldn't bring myself to believe he is really gone," she released a deep breath, trying to hold in the tears forming.

"I understand Amber," she nodded, they stood awkwardly. Meredith had no idea what to do, she felt terrible for the barely legal girl standing in front of her.

"How about I take you down to the cafeteria and we can grab you something to eat, the breakfast here is great," Meredith suggested, she knew that when she felt sad that food helped.

"Um, that sounds nice," Amber did her best to give a halfway smile but failed in the process. She didn't feel like declining the offer as she didn't want to be alone right now.

"Come with me," Meredith said, putting her hand on Amber's shoulder as she led her through the corridors. Something about this situation seemed so surreal. She wanted to be there to help this poor girl through her grieving, she was so young. The mother insistent in her was on overdrive, she felt something she can't explain.

"Can I ask you a question?" Amber spoke up as they reached the elevator.

"Of course," Meredith stated, hitting the first floor button as they stepped into the elevator, it was empty except for the two of them.

"Was he happy?" Amber always saw her brother in a single mood, it was always hidden by the blank face he put on the rare occasions she saw her brother.

"He was, he was very happy. He had just accepted a fellowship at the most prestigious ped's programs in the country and that was all he could talk about," she remembered his excitement, of how he didn't believe they actually wanted him. He never truly believed in himself but he was one of the best of their intern class.

"I always knew my big brother was going to go somewhere in life," she had a relieved look on her face. She was glad someone other than her finally saw the best in her brother.

"He truly was an amazing person," Meredith suddenly felt her stomach flip as she stepped off the elevator and could smell the greasy cafeteria food. She took deep breaths, making sure not to spill her small breakfast all over Amber.

After silently going through the line, Meredith opting for just an apple while Amber chose a chicken biscuit. They went to sit down at an empty table, they ate quietly for a second, awkward silence around them.