Limbo [h.s]

40

Shawn Mendes - When You're Ready

"Baby, tell me when you're ready
I'm waitin'
Baby, any time you're ready
I'm waitin'"

Chapter 40 Harry's POV

Metanoia. (Meh-ta-noy-ah)

It's Greek.

The journey of changing one's mind, heart, self, or way of life defines metanoia.

I've always liked the idea of unique words, ones that people don't necessarily know the meaning of.

You could say that it's a hobby of mine and although I don't scream it to the world that I actually have feelings, I have a lot, some of the time I have too many. So when I get the chance, I jot down ones that make me feel too much, in this case right now the word metanoia is cascading through my mind making it work double time. 

Sometimes I won't be near my journal like right now, so I'll have to keep repeating the phrase over in my head, so I won't lose it.

The title for each page consists of the word and the lines below the header will be filled with my thoughts.

But for some reason as I'm repeating the same word over and over again all I can picture is Isabel.

This isn't me. I'm not like this...

I don't give a shit about anyone but myself, Luka and Jack. In Jack case it was more or less forced upon me by Luka, but I still care about them both.

So hearing Luka's theory about Isabel's father really stirred something up within me and make me rethink everything about her. I cannot famine the amount of rage I felt even just hearing his thoughts, I don't even know if what he's suggesting is true or not but just the thought alone of anyone laying a hand on her has me seeing red.

... and it's confusing because I don't care.  I shouldn't care.... I don't.

Well I thought I didn't, but clearly this situation has changed. The only issue is I don't know when it did.

Thinking back to all the crap she's pulled on us, with kidnapping Jack, then luring Luka to the same place only to act out the same fate intended for both him and I, usually would've been enough for me not to think twice about shooting her fucking brains out.

She hurt the only two people I care about, and she walks away injury free from my rath. How the hell does that even happen?

But if I was asked to kill her now the fact is I know I wouldn't be able to do it. I've fucking gone soft.

It's infuriating to think about.

After Luka and I both came downstairs to give Isabel some space, he commented on the state of the living room.