𝐏𝐒𝐘𝐂𝐇𝐄, a book of rants

FIX YOUR FANFICS, DUMBASSES

Okay I'm sorry this is like, suuuuuuper out of order and all but then again, I'm not......

But I sorta binge-read a whole Damn bunch of tvd fanfic that I might just have completely wiped out the fanfics in wattpad.....

Point being.....I sorta challenge myself to read the first thing that shows up when I search up tvd fanfiction and.....let's just say.......I ran out of luck.

Literally every. Single. Fucking. Fanfic. I read today was complete and utter trash.....

So if there are any authors here.....

SHUT THE FUCK UP, SIT THE FUCK DOWN CUZ IM ABOUT TO POINT OUT THE STUPID SHITS AND HELP YOU FIX YOU FUCKING FANFICS EVEN THO I DUNNO THE FIRST THING ABOUT WRITING ONE CUZ I FUCKING READ IT FOR GODS SAKE....

Also because I'm Ellen DeGENEROUS....

BullShit No. 1:

The blurb( or descriprion) :

I don't even need to explain this cuz u already know what I mean.

If not, let me educate you.....

Some stories have descriptions when you don't even need to read the story when you already know what happens courtesy of the blurb....

Eg:

❀•✠• • INSERT TITLE• •✠•❀

Hi, my name is Charlotte gilbert, I am Elena Gilbert's sister and i am a badass. Everyone hates me because my sister is an attention seeking whore. I attend mystic falls high. I am a hybrid and my boyfriend Klaus cheated on me. And then I died and went to a prison world and met Kai parker. And then he died and I fell in love with the Salvatore brothers. This book is about my life...

***

NO. NONONONONONO. THAT IS NOT HOW YOU WRITE A BLURBBBB... ITS CALLED A DESCRIPTION FOR A REASON BITCHES....

WHATEVER WAY YOU WRITE YOUR STORY IT DOESNT MATTER. BUT THE DESCRIPTION SHOULD ALWAYS BE IN THE THIRD PERSON / NARRATOR'S POV. SO DO NOT START WITH A" hi my name is...." IF YOU WANT FUCKING READS.

Now that doesn't mean it makes it okay to just put a quote from the book either.......

And it is especially worse when the quote has nothing to do with the fucking book. Cuz I get it you know? You don't want to make the description tooo damn long so you put just a quote from the book. But at least make it like an extract or something, preferably a cliffhanger, cuz then at least we would read it to see what happens next.....

BullSHIT NO. 2 :

The OC:

Do not. I repeat, do FUCKING NOT name your oc a suuuuuuuper common name. Name them unique ones cuz their names play a really important part in whether or not you get reads...
Especially if it's about a Mikealson. Do not name them modern names like Emily or Olivia...

Same goes for the face claim. Stop using Crystal Reed, Victoria Justice and Dylan O'Brien in your books. I get it, they're hot and all but they are seriously overused...

Do also NOT make your character a basic, straight, twilight vamps level white girl with a perfect hourglass body and a personality of a stale piece of bread...

Say it with me:- D-I-V-E-R-S-I-T-Y...
DIVERSITYYYYYY. Make your character....I Dunno....a poc...or a plus sized person....or make them a neurodivergent...or give them a disablity like they cant walk...or a part of lgbtq+ community...Literally ANY-FUCKING- THING except a no personality penny...