𝐏𝐒𝐘𝐂𝐇𝐄, a book of rants

Grandma's Brother's Daughter

Cousin, the human being who is somehow both the bane and the cause of my existence...

Inspired by: whatthehell8667

So...

This will be a chapter dedicated to the bitch damonsalvatore160807

Congrats bitch, you just got a chance to be featured in the luxury that is this book...

Also if you are reading this and are not my cousin, I suggest you refrain from checking her profile as you may die of bland-ness and the lack of originality in the username...

So this cousin of mine, she is actually my second cousin (because one wasn't enough🙄). The way that works is that she is like my mom's cousin but she's like, 15 cos her dad, Also known as my uncle, became an uncle when he was four.

That reminds Me, My mom fr pronounced AKA as acka... like the Tamil translation of sister... and she didn't even know emojis existed like what the hell?

Anywo...

I have a lot of cousins but this one particularly stands out because of the fact that she is an annoying bitch..

Anyways, as you know, she has wattpad (if you didn't then who the fuck do you think I tagged?). And I was basically who made the damn account. Which means I know her password and can spice up her profile whenever I want to...😈

Yes I still remember your password. It's not that hard...

Point being, IF YOU FUCKING MADE ME MAKE A FUCKING ACCOUNT FOR YPU OF ALL FUCKING PEOPLE, WOULDNT IT BE, I DONT KNOW, FUCKING SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE FPR YPU TO ACTUALLY FUCKING OPEN THIS DAMN APP ONCE A FUCKING WHILE?

Okay autocorrect I'm trying to make a point here so fuck off...

Damn that's a lot of fucks...

And y'all know I changed my cover today so to give an idea, she literally hasn't seen my seconds cover. The one with Kat graham.

So this was my first cover. Obviously she saw this one because she was the first person to know about it...

Not my proudest work, I know. I made this using canva. Why did I not stick to picsart, I'll never know

Then there was this. This is the one she hasn't seen to this day and she probably never will because she ain't gonna open wattpad and get this book...

And just in case I change the cover...

So this is my current cover...

Bruh, I just realised the first two of my covers don't even have my name on t what the hell-

Anywhat...

We are also married.

#sweethomelesbianalabama

Yeah we are. I'm married to her and we have divorced and married each other a total of 1292738255386e75rg8fy times...

Yes I'm aware that it's filled with letters but yeah, you get it.

So like, this hoe told me about tvd (and spoiled half the show for me, if you didn't know that you have clearly only been reading this chapter and have been caught red-handed) and so all my opinions have been based of off her.

Basically, she like Damon, I like Damon. She like delena, I like delena. She hate Caroline, I hate Caroline.

BuT nOt AnYmOrE. i aM a FrEe BiRd NoW...

What I mean is, I developed my own opinions and have started to live on behalf of those so yeah, I like Kai, what are you gonna do about it bitch?

All things considered, I love you and I treasure you and ya bore me

-Amy Santiago

No I'm not obsessed with Brooklyn nine nine now, what makes you think that?

Also yall, i searched up "Tvd rants on wattpad" on google and look:

*insert relevant text cos I have passed out*

MY BOOK IS ON FUCKING GOOGLE...

How did that happen?

Yea this is still about you my dear cousin....

Anyway that's it. Imma go let you know on whatsapp that this rant is over so you can read this, O' cousin of mine...

Byeee

-V

Update 17/1/2022: I did it y'all, I changed her pfp and background picture and username so now she is -salvatcrewife ...