"You better make up your mind Zayn. You know how crucial this decision is." I had thousands of things running on my mind and I could barely hear what John Haynes said. John is the president of Modest! management and I actually got only a few convos with him ever since I got into One Direction. The first one was when we signed the deal and now...
I had this thought for a while now. But it sometimes subsides whenever I get to sing with these awesome lads and get support from all our fans. It's just that I'm not so sure if this is the life I wanted. I'm 22 years old and I feel like I should be living a normal life. Things have drastically changed and sometimes it's for the better. I get to sing my heart out with my non-biological brothers and inspire so many people out there.
As I signed off another deal I closed my eyes. I've done it. I might just be able to spend the rest of my life with Perrie and live in the countryside but then a single salted tear which was followed by many others started running down my face.
Tonight we leave for Hong kong where I get to perform one last time and make so many faces smile one more time.
"We have a lot to discuss," Paul sat us all down in the living room of the apartment we are in. Louis and Harry sat beside opposite sides of mine while Liam and Niall sat across me. Paul wandered around the room and I know he doesn't know how to start this conversation.
"Umm.. Croo Croo?" Niall faked the sound of silence and I can't help but smile.
"Is something up? You look like you just survived a bloody war," Harry asked me directly. He could see right through me. I hope I could tell them without actually telling them. This just fvckin sucks so bad.
"Let's smash this concert in Hongkong," I said giving Louis my man a high five but Harry just stared at me and then smiled. "That was it?" he asked. "Paul? Seriously?"
"Yep. But there's another one. You're going to perform two nights at Manila. You up for that?"
"As long as the fans don't mind our extended stay in their country," Liam said with excitement in his voice. "Alright let's go rehearse some more!" Niall said and we all walked off the room towards the studio.
"Hey Harry. Ya know you should try singing my parts just in case you know.." Damn. How do I say this? I know I need to tell them someday but not today not when the room is still filled with joy.
"Just in case what?" Harry eyed me suspiciously.
"Just in case, I get sick. I'm not feeling well these past few days."
"You know what. You get some rest for now bud. We'll just leave those high notes that are unreachable for now. Why the heck would you give it to me? Those are the lyrics made for you. We are a band not a freaking solo artist. You keep that in mind."
With that I headed off to my room and took a day off. I went back to my usual. Stalking tweets and facebook posts until I bumped to this familiar one where I joked Harry about leaving the band on February 30 and he started crying. I laughed my balls off that day and he went kicking my ass when he realized there was no February 30. Is that a metaphor that I'll never leave? Have I failed him? Have I failed the lads? Have I failed our fans?
You know what. This is the fvckin price I have to pay.
——
"HELLLOOO HONG KONG!" Niall shouted as we landed on the airport. I can never get used to that weird feeling in your stomach whenever you experience drops. I felt my insides got left in the air. God.
