Breaking The Lieutenant's Rifle

BTLR: 21

Chapter 21: Move Forward

Kumunot ang noo ko nang mabasa ang comment. I scrolled up to see the post but it was deleted. Pumunta ako sa comment section at doon nakita ang iba't-ibang links. I clicked the first one that came up and saw an article.

An article entitled 'The Playgirl of BMC'.

And, it has my name in it.

Binasa ko ang buong article at doon nakakita ako ng mga pamilyar na pangalan. Kasama pa doon ang pangalan ni Brile at Kaley.

"Nova, please stop reading that," nag-aalalang sabi ni Rilynn. Of course I didn't listen. Halos nasa unahan pa lang ako ng article. Hindi ko pa nababasa ang buong katangahan na ito.

November Tiamzon, also known as Nova, is the famous playgirl of BMC. She started dating guys at a very young age. Grade 7! Can you imagine that?

She has targeted lots of guys that made a great impact on the reputation of the Girl Scouts of the Philippines. That's why she was terminated!

Anong terminated? Kusa akong umalis. Gago talaga. Napakafake news naman nito!

I continued to read the article only to find out that one of my so called targets was Brile. I was never in a relationship with Brile. Kaibigan ko siya kaya bakit andito siya?

And Kaley... His name was written here too. Sinabi na kahit upper grade levels ay hinarot ko. It was written that I used my looks to get them to bow down before me.

Pero kasalanan ko ba kung gano'n nila ako ka-gusto? Tangina nito ah. I gritted my teeth and finished the article until the end. Tahimik lang sina Brile at Rilynn habang nasa byahe kami. I didn't even look at them because I realized how stupid I must look right now.

Pathetic. Putanginang reputasyon 'yan. I stopped doing that years ago! I stopped because I met Kaley. Pero bakit parang gano'n pa rin ang tingin nila sa 'kin? Like I'm some sort of criminal just because I was with so many guys?

Bakit kapag lalaki ang gumawa ng ganito, parang normal lang? Tapos kapag babae, kung maka-husga sila parang nakapatay ng tao.

The world is unfair. I thought I had accepted that years ago, but now... I don't think so. I have so many insecurities that I am dealing with. So many insecurities that I am trying to overcome.

Tapos 'yung dating na-overcome ko na, bumabalik ngayon.

Parang sumpa 'yung ganito. It'll hunt you down as long as their are people who knew who you were in the past. It'll slowly take over you, slowly break you apart, and then suddenly you are in this dark deep hole, trying to get back up but can't because you just drowned too deep.

I sighed deeply and turned my phone off. Panigurado akong nakita na ito ni Kaley. And I am pretty sure it'll make him change his mind too.

I was silent the whole ride. Una akong binaba ng dalawa kaya hindi na nila ako nagawang kausapin. Base sa mga mukha nila, wala rin silang masabi sa akin. Brile was hesitant to speak the whole ride. Si Rilynn naman ay parang timang lang dahil binibigyan niya ako ng naaawa look niya.

And that is the last thing that I need right now. The last thing I need right now is pity.

My parents hired someone to look into the articles to find who wrote that. Ginawa rin nila 'yung best nila para ma-delete lahat ng kopya ng article na 'yon pero alam kong hindi naman iyon matatanggal sa utak at memorya ng mga nakabasa na.

Kahit anong gawin, it won't make a difference.

I didn't contact Kaley. Sobrang nahihiya ako at ewan ko kung bakit. He knew my past and he was the same person as I was. Pero siguro natatakot ako. Siguro natatakot ako dahil iba naman 'yung relasyon namin ngayon. We have a relationship. Maybe I'm afraid that if that topic was opened up, our relationship would end.

Isang linggo na ang lumipas pero hindi pa rin ako pumapasok sa school. My parents also want me to stay at home. Sinabi sa akin ni daddy na baka i-home school ako. Kahit ayaw ko ay sa tingin ko mas okay iyon kaysa pumasok ako sa school.

Every night, I tuck myself into bed and just cry, hoping it'll ease the pain. Pero sino nga ba ang niloko ko? I might move forward but not fully forget what happened. I might move forward but still not move on from what happened.

I might do things the way I normally do but it still won't take the pain away.

Monday—I cleaned my whole room. Nilabas ko lahat ng bagong libro para mabasa dahil wala pa akong pasok. Nasa kalahati na ang school year at ito ako, hinihintay na ma-home school.

Naglabas rin ako ng mga bagong notebooks para gawing journal. Balak kong magsulat para hindi masyadong crowded 'yung utak ko. Naglabas rin ako ng mga stock na canvas kung sakaling gusto kong mag-paint.

Tuesday—I cried after my parents left to go to work. I felt the need to cry and I do not know why. Siguro breakdown ito o ano man. Hindi ko alam. Biglaan na lang tumulo ang luha ko.

After crying, I read the first book I saw inside my shelf.

Wednesday—I ignored all calls from my friends. I also deactivated my social media accounts. Ngayon lang ako nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob na i-open iyon at i-deactivate.

Then, I cleaned my gallery. I deleted pictures that made my heart hurt. I deleted our pictures... Binura ko lahat ng pictures naming dalawa ni Kaley.

Thursday—I read my school books. I didn't want to fall behind. Tamad ako pero graduating na ako. Ang dami na ngang nangyari at baka hindi pa ako maka-graduate. Gusto kong bumawi lalo na dahil home schooled na ako sa susunod na linggo.

Friday—I went outside my room and talked to my parents. My parents told me who was the source of the article. Sinabi rin nila sino-sino ang mga nagpakalat nito.

Saturday—I went outside our house and went to the playground of the subdivision. Doon ko naabutan si Kaley na nakaupo sa swing. Bigla siyang tumayo nang makita akong palapit sa kaniya. Without talking, he pulled me for a tight hug.

I smiled sadly. I'm sorry, Kaley. I'm sorry.

Sunday—I accepted the fact that I'm single again.

Nobody knew about it. Wala rin namang nakakaalam na kami bukod sa mga magulang ko. I don't know if he told his family but I'm sure that he didn't tell them because they're mad at me. Wala rin namang kaibahan kahit alam nila. Wala pa rin kahihinatnan.

The next week, my friends visited me. Hindi naman awkward at parang normal lang. Inasar ko pa nga si Brile tungkol sa pangalan niya na kasama sa article ng mga lalaki ko. Pero syempre, nagalit siya. He told me not to make fun of that kind of situation and I understood it.

Pero okay na naman ako. Okay na ako, hindi ba?

"Balik na lang ako sa school," I told my parents while we were eating.

Naibaba ni mommy ang kutsara niya sa narinig. Dad, on the other hand, just stared at me.

"W-Why, Nov? I already talked to your adviser..."

"Graduating na 'ko, mommy. I should put all issues aside and concentrate on my studies. Baka hindi pa ako maka-graduate."

"You can graduate, November," sabat ni daddy. "But it is your choice, anak. If you are sure about this then okay."

"What?" Angal ni mommy. "She was bullied! And I am sure she'll be bullied once she goes back to school."

Umiling ako. "I wasn't raised like that, and you both know it. Kaya ko, mommy. I have my friends too," I assured them.

"It's still—"

"Let her be," sabi ni daddy. "November needs to overcome this. She has great things ahead of her. Kaya niya 'to."

I smiled at my dad before finishing up. Bukas, babalik na ako sa school. And I won't let them take my spirit away from me. I have myself. I have Ri, Jax, Stell, and Brile. I'll move forward from now on.

He'll say the same as well.

'It's fine to rest, November, but don't you ever quit.'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------