Memories Of Old [DSMP]

Hurts Like Hell

•Description: Tubbo walked towards Tommy's hou- old house. It was vandalized, and had multiple things missing, either stolen or burned. The brown-haired male stood still, staring at the disk on the floor. He picked it up and placed it on the jukebox, Cat's familiar tunes ringing on his ears.

•Words: 957 words

•Date of Publication: October 7th, 2020

•CW's: Panic Attack, Angst, Repeating Words

•Extra Notes: Inspired by Aya Was Here's animatic, 'Hurts Like Hell'!!

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He was empty.

After watching Tommy escape, Tubbo stayed in the forest for a while, just laying there, thinking. Everything hurt, and he felt so much guilt. He betrayed Wilbur and Tommy. He left them suffer on their own. Wilbur and Tommy were exiled, and running away. And he just watched.

He would've stayed there all night if it wasn't for Schlatt's booming voice, claiming for every citizen to report for his second decree. He made his way to the election stand, his body on auto pilot. He saw Quackity, George and Schlatt talking to themselves on top, he knew he should go up there with them- after all, he was the right-hand man- but he decided to stay down with the others.

He could see how Niki stayed in the back, looking heartbroken and pissed. Eret was near her, trying to console her, while HBomb stood there, unsure what to do. Fundy was sat in one of the chairs, deep in thought. Jack Manifold, Punz and Ponk were standing near one of the walls, talking. All the other citizens just sat in their chairs, waiting for Schlatt to speak.

He felt sick when Schlatt announced their rename and the order to take down the walls. He felt sick when Niki yelled, enraged. He felt sick when Eret protested. He felt sick when no one seemed to care as they took down the walls. He felt sick when Schlatt ordered him to start taking the walls down.

"If you're not going to hunt them down, at least make yourself useful."

He felt empty when he took down the walls.

He felt empty when he destroyed the signs.

He felt empty when he took down the Elton John house.

He felt empty when he took down the rocket.

He felt empty when they took Niki to jail.

The brunette was in his own world, his body going into autopilot. He felt empty, but hurt at the same time. He slowly felt how the guilt and remorse built up inside him. He felt how the tears welled up in his eyes. He finally got control of his body and freezed up when he saw where he was.

He was in Tommy's hou- old house.

The house was vandalized, blocks missing or destroyed, and multiple of hus belongings on thw floor. He slowly entered the house, when he saw a single music disc laying on the floor.

Cat.

It was not the original one, of course, but it was the one he and Tommy listened to before the elections, where he gave him Phuckit. Tubbo picked it up and held it, turning to the old jukebox beside him. It had dentures and scratches, probably got smashed against something, but it still worked.

The blue-eyed boy placed all his weight on the wall behind him, before slowly sliding down the wall. He hugged his knees to his chest and placed his head on top of them.

Now that he was alone, he could finally let his emotions free.

A wail was heard around the mountain, followed by loud sobs. Tubbo sobbed until he couldn't breath, until he couldn't see. He was alone. He betrayed his family.

He missed how things were.

The brunette untangled himself, shaking. He couldn't breathe. His blue eyes darted around the old house, trying to focus on something. He couldn't. Oh god he couldn't breathe.

He couldn't breathe.

hecouldntbreathhecouldntbreathehecouldntbreathhecouldntbreathhecouldntbreathehecouldntbreathhecouldntbreathhecouldntbreathehecouldntbreathhecouldntbreathhecouldntbreathehecouldntbreathhecouldntbreathhecouldntbreathehecouldntbreathhecouldntbreathhecouldntbreathehecouldntbreath-

"Tubbo!"

The boy opened his eyes, meeting then with another pair of blue eyes. He stared at the boy, still hyperventilating.

"Tubbo! What's wrong?"

He needed to breath.

"Tubbo?"

He really needed to breath.

"Tubs?"

What did Wilbur do to calm him when he arrived to L'Manburg at the start of the war?

"Tubbo? You there?"

It was something with numbers, and senses.

"Tubbo?"

Tubbo shifted his eyes around the room. "F-Find f-five t-things you can see." He stuttered, trembling. "T-The walls, t-the string on t-the wall, t-the chair, t-the jukebox and t-the chest."

He felt his shaking decrease.

"F-Four t-things you can t-touch." He said, letting his hands break free. "I can f-feel t-the stone wall behind me, t-the wooden planks underneath me, t-the L'Manburg uniform and t-the shards of broken glass on t-the floor."

His heartbeat slowed down.

"T-Three t-things I can hear." The brunette blinked a few times. "I can hear Cat playing, as well as t-the buzz from t-the bees outside, and Schlatt's yells..."

His tears stopped flowing.

"T-Two t-things I can smell." He said, before taking a shaky-breath. "I can smell some gunpowder, and some smoke..."

He slowly untangled himself from the little ball he made with himself.

"One thing I can taste..." He whispered, tired. "The carrots I ate before the new decree..."

He closed his eyes and placed all the weight of his head onto the wall. Tubbo wiped the final remains of his tears from his eyes as the final tunes of Cat played. He fell asleep a while later, his chest filled with guilt.

"I loved, and I loved, and I lost you...
I loved, and I loved, and I lost you...
I loved, and I loved, and I lost you...
And it hurts like hell, yeah it hurts like hell..."