our little secret | sapnap x reader fanfiction

.32. flashback

.sapnap's point of view.

.a couple months earlier.

I mess with the pin on my sweatshirt. I'm nervous to see if Clay will have a better perspective on the idea of y/n and I being together.

I know that we're going to reveal our relationship even if he does say no, but the act of bringing up the topic to him is stressful, especially after last time.

I just want to be out in the open with y/n. I care about her so much. She makes everything in this world worth living and lights up every room that she walks in. She just keeps me so calm and grounded. I feel like I could do anything if she was supporting me.

And I really don't want to lose her.

Clay walks into the kitchen, "Hey man? Are you cooking?"

"I'm making a grilled cheese," I say, "you want one?"

"Yeah, sounds great," he grabs waters from the fridge, "thanks man."

"Mhm," I take a deep breath as I flip the sandwich. "So, I actually wanted to talk to you about something."

"What's up?" Clay comes to stand next to me by the stove, setting the second water by me.

"Do you remember that conversation we had about y/n a while ago? Like when we first met her?" I ask.

He shakes his head, "You're going to have to be more specific."

"Well, basically you told me that I shouldn't date her and all this stuff," I try to explain.

"Ohh yeah, I remember that," he nods, "Yeah man, thanks for respecting that by the way."

I really didn't respect his wishes at all. I turn to grab more bread to hide the fact that my face just got so red.

"It really means a lot," he continues, "I didn't want to tell you then, but I feel like you've seen us interact enough to be able to tell by now," He pauses to take a sip of water. "But I actually have real feelings for her."

My heart drops. "You.. You what?" I stutter.

"Yeah, I have for such a long time, too. Just like everything about her. She's just such a genuinely good person, and I want her to be in my life." Clay smiles as he talks.

I try to come up with something that doesn't make me sound like a jerk.

Doesn't he already have her in his life? I mean she hangs out with us every day. They're best friends. Why does he have to want more?

What should I do in this situation? How do I tell him that I didn't respect his wishes and am dating the girl he has feelings for?

I'm such a bad friend. I can't believe I didn't see the signs. I mean, who wouldn't have feelings for her though? She's amazing. She makes me feel whole. Of course others could see all her good attributes too.

She is dating me, though. I have to remember that. She chooses me everyday, and we're in a happy relationship. There's nothing I can do about Clay's personal feelings, but that shouldn't matter.

If y/n does learn about his feelings and chooses to go with him, then I will have to let her. All that matters to me is that she's happy, I guess. Even if it would make me miserable.

I shake the thoughts from my head. I can't think like that. y/n is with me and we're happy. That's all that should matter.

But something inside wonders why Clay is just telling me this information now?

"Are you going to do anything about it?" I ask as I place the second grilled cheese in the pan.

"I think so," he nods, "I've waited long enough. I was thinking of asking her to go to that one diner down the road. We used to go there all the time for milkshakes after big games or something. I thought it would be sentimental."

My blood boils. I don't like the idea of him talking about y/n that way. I should say something, but I don't want to blow our secret. I'm not sure how she feels about that, and I would hate to do something that she wouldn't like.

I try to calm myself down, but I really just can't. "You sure?" I ask, already hating myself for what I'm about to say, "Don't you think that'll only make her think of you as a friend even more?"

I hate that I said that. It's such a dick thing to do, just to totally mess with his plans. It's not like they're even going to happen because she does have a boyfriend.

"Jeez, aren't you supportive," Clay says sarcastically. I can tell he's hurt.

"Whatever," I mutter, not in the mood to hype him up to ask out my girlfriend.

"You don't have to be a dick you know? You can be a semi decent human being and just say yes or something." Clay says, his voice getting annoyed, "I really like her, and you're just over here blowing it off."

I grip the spatula hard. Oh yeah? You really like her? Well I love her. Beat that.

I don't say it out loud, but I yell it at him in my head.

I haven't told her how I'm feeling yet. I want to do it on our seventh month anniversary, which I know is two months away. I just think seven is a good number to say it at. I don't want to scare her by saying it at the wrong time, but let's be honest that's probably what I'll do.

"Sorry," I mutter, not wanting to make it a fight.

"Whatever," he turns to leave the kitchen, "You're burning that, by the way."

I look down at the grilled cheese that has smoke coming off the pan. Great.

I clean the pan of all the charred pieces.

y/n and I can't tell him now.

He'll be so mad at me. He'll wonder why I would go behind his back, and then continue to go behind his back once I knew too.

That would be horrible, and I can't do that to him. I also can't exploit his feelings either. That's his own shit that he can take care of himself.

For now I guess I just have to keep my relationship a secret.

And it's going to suck.

.author's note.

i just wanted to put this in to put some perspective for sapnap's situation.. i feel like he had to make a really hard decision to not tell Dream after this, but y/n can't see that because she doesn't really know what happened. Sapnap just had a lot of guilt on his shoulders when Dream found out, which I think made Nick really irrational afterwards

anywayys stay tuned for tomorrow!

have a great day!

.word count.. 1099