Stars Aligned

Insert 94

LEONE'S POV

I didn't know where to begin. How the hell do you start to tell the woman you've fallen in love with, and who's a lawyer by the way, that your job is to kill and torture people. Yeah no that's not really an ideal situation to be in. But I knew the moment I got involved in her life that nothing good would ever sufface from it. I fell in love with her and now I can't reverse it. I don't want to reverse it. I want to love her wholeheartedly and without any restraints. Now I see what my brother was saying and he was right. He tried so hard to prevent me from all of this and I didn't listen.

Now here I am and not sure if I can have the woman of my life with me for the rest of my life. There are so many things hindering us from being together. One, I could die anytime anywhere because what I do is dangerous, I've already lived that part when a psycho kidnapped me to get to my brother who's also the capo. Two, she could choose her values and beliefs over me. She could hate the man I am and cut all ties with me. I know I have to tell her now or never. I stayed away from her trying to maybe get rid of these feelings I have for her. But apparently it didn't work. I just missed her more. I craved to be with her. To hold her in my arms. And that night I snapped.

When she looked so beautiful in shorts, a thin tank top and just moaned my name in her sleep. I couldn't help it and just found myself getting in bed with her and holding her all night. The next morning it was so hard to restrain myself from having her. And now I'm just so terrified of what she'll think of me.
Me: My family was born and bread in Italy, in a city called Rome. My father was an abusive asshate who beat my mother every chance he got. My brother tried to protect me from that life and took the beatings of my father when he got angry enough. It was sudden and Leo was in high school when he found my father beat a lifeless body of my mother.

I shifted in her arms so I was laying on top of her chest, just between her breasts. I held her tight because this was something I hated to talk about. She ran her hands through my hair to let me know she was there and listening to me. It was comforting to know that she was still here with me. I continued.
Me: Where was I when that happened. When my father was beating the living hell out of my mother. I was hiding in a place Leo had told me to hide in whenever my father got psychotic and Leo wasn't there to protect me.
I heard nothing, I saw nothing until it was too late and my father had killed my mother and Leo had shot him in the head. He was so different from that loving big brother who always held me when I was having a panic attack or felt scared.

I was so young back then to understand anything. All I saw was blood and bodies of both my parents. Leo was cold and distant after. It's like he had reached a breaking point.
Me: Then years later I saw how my brother was changing and was more colder than before. He pushed himself to work hard at school and finish earlier than most kids. He took over the business of our family. At that time I didn't know what it was. All I knew was that we were filthy rich and Leo owned it all.
Thando: It's okay, go on baby.
Her saying that somewhat made me feel all fuzzy inside. It sounded so sure. I bulked in her words. She didn't say anything and just listened.

Me: So I got suspicious and did some digging and found out some things-some dangerous things. My brother was involved with some serious and dangerous things. Sometimes he would not come home for a while and when he did he would limp or have bruises. Until he didn't have those bruises anymore and I saw a lot of news about dead people, powerful people. And my brother cold as ice. I confronted him about it. He told me to let it go but I didn't and eventually he gave up and told me that he was in the mafia. He was the boss of the Italian Mafia. I had suspected things like gangs or small time thiefs but what he had shown me and told me was way more than that. My brother was a cold blooded killer and he was the richest man in Italy.

I sighed and adjusted my arms around her waist. She still said nothing and just listened to my rant. It felt good to let it out.
Me: He told me he didn't want me to be like him. He wanted me to be a good man and live my life and not live like him. But I saw what that did to my brother and I wanted to save him and when I saw that it was impossible to save him I joined him. It was better to be with him than to watch him kill himself slowly.
I detached myself from her arms and sat upright. Thando was staring at me with no emotions. I couldn't tell what she was thinking, and it was eating at me. I needed to know if she was angry or if she was disappointed with me. I leaned against the headboard just like her.

Me: I kill for a living and I'm a mafia man. That's how I got all that information for you and that's how I know everything there is to know about you and your brother. That's why sometimes I go out and come back late. My whole family is a bunch of people who do illegal things to make a living.
Thando: Everyone how? Betty knows?
Her voice was monotonous and didn't give away anything. I turned my head to look at her face but she refused to do the same.
Me: Yes, the Nkosi's, the Zikalala's or Ndlovu now. So I'm sorry I kept this from you but I'm not sure that I am who I am. Who I chose to be. If I had a chance to redo it I'd still be the same man today. I just want you to know that what I do doesn't change the man you know.

Thando: The man I know? Who's that? Who's the man I know, because from where I am sitting I don't know who you are. Everything has been a lie and I don't even know if you are who you say you are-
Me: I am who I say I am, please don't let go of that. I'm the same man love.
Thando: Okay, let's say I do believe that you are who you say you are but then what about the other you, the one you just told me about.
Do you want me to live with that?
Me: Yes, I'm asking you to accept all of me.
Thando: What happens if I don't?
I sighed, she turned her head to look at me.
Me: I don't know. I guess this will be it for us.
Thando: I need time to think. I'll be moving out by the end of today.