My Mistake ⌲ River Phoenix

20; in the glass

"I had no idea..." I spoke slowly, feeling a twinge in my chest that was probably never going away.

"How would you? It's not like we really talked in years." We both avoided eye contact after that - both equally as dumbfounded as the other that fate somehow had brought us back together.

"Rio..."

"If only you could've loved me back," he said with a dejected tone, his face resting in the glass window of the car. I thought seeing him would spur an old memory - but to my own demise, it merely struck a chord in my untuned heart. "I still want you around." I could feel tears start to form. The loss of an almost lover is truly a sadness that can never be salvaged.

"I wish I could've been different... I've been trying to change, you know. It's just been real hard."

"Tomorrow, I'll show you around the area," He insisted and initially, I shook my head. I don't know how I could bear being around a soon to be married man.

"I don't think that would be the best idea," I muttered meekly. But, then he proceeded to take my hand and bring it to his beating chest. My eyes began to feel heavy - threatening to close. I began to cry. He pulled me in, his chin resting on my head.

"Don't cry," He murmured.

"Everything is falling apart, Rio... and most of all, I lost you. It was all my fault!" I yelled out. The windows became foggy.

"It shouldn't be this hard for us to be together..." He sighed. Maybe he's right.

Through the rest of the night he held me as he listened to my shrill cries bouncing throughout the contours of the chilly car. I just couldn't take feeling like this anymore.

~

By morning, he brought me back to Carmen and Asher who apparently, were frantically searching the sleepless city of Nashville for me.

"How could you let her just leave like that!" I heard Carmen yell at Jo and Olly as I neared the front porch.

"Carm, she's almost 23, she's going to be out at night-" Jo tried to intervene, but there was no use. Carmen is my older sister - and now that she's quit her drug and sex habits she's been just like our Mom: overbearing and overprotective... when she was around, of course. I can't blame her though, she's a married woman.

"Doesn't matter! She's too young... when I was 22 all I ever did was run around for some sort of fix," She began to drop her raised voice. "I just have to take care of her, alright?"

"We understand... we love her just as much," Olly trailed off as I watched waves of bewilderment come across their faces as they saw mine. Soon a scowl over took Carmen's sad frown.

"I kept her out last night, I'm sorry," Rio sighed. All eyes watched his every move. I then ran up to Carmen and embraced her.

"Thank you, Carm," I mumbled in the midst of the hug.

"You know I can't be mad at you, lil sis... just want you to be safe," She replied as she kissed my cheek. "But, I know you were well taken care of." She glanced up at Rio - a weary, fatigued Rio, but still Rio.

"Wait... Where's Asher?" I asked.

"He went out looking for you," Jo added as we all exchanged frantic glances.

~

Through the rest of the night, we sat at the house waiting for him. But, he never came. Rio went back to his hotel - as he needed to be in the studio early in the morning. Carmen soon started pacing around the living room. Hours passed slowly... each minute gone the feeling worse and worse.

"Why would you let him out like that?" I asked a frantic Carmen. She scowled at me. "It's his birthday..."

"Why would you go out and do who knows what with River?" She recoiled and I took a step back. Deep down, I knew it was my fault for sneaking out late. But, nevertheless, she shouldn't worry like this for me. I'm not some damsel in distress.

However, before we could continue with our useless bickering, we all jolted up to a sudden knocking at the door. It was loud and jarring. Carmen gave me stern glance before opening the door to a sullen-looking policeman.

"Is this the house of Carmen Redford?" The tall policeman asked. Carmen nodded - her face exhibiting a terrifying type of sadness.

"What's wrong, officer?" She asked, her voice beginning to crack. The officer took his hat off and looked down at the floor.

Jo and Olly had made their way over to me, almost automatically realizing what had happened. They wrapped their arms around me... the three musketeers.

"There was a car wreck, down in the center of the city. We need you to come identify the body-" the policeman spoke softly but Carmen's wails were soon piercing everyone's ears. It was evident she didn't want to hear the rest.

Her knees buckled to the ground and she fell face first. It was a sad picture to watch, truly, and I think most of us didn't know what to do. None of us had had any sort of real experience of death.

Jo and Olly soon pulled me away from Carmen - fearing that she'd lash out after the disheartening news. We all sat in the locked guest room as Carmen screamed and screamed on the other side of the door. We just stood quiet.

Jo and Olly never really knew Asher that well, but I did. And, I hated myself for not crying or showing emotion... but, could I really be surprised? I've become so numb to emotion to where it never comes around when I need it. It probably makes people think I'm a phony, when in reality, I'm just lost girl trying to find her way in life.

"It is not your fault, mon chéri," Olly reassured, but I knew there was no use. Jo rested her weary head on my shoulder.

"We just gotta take it day by day... and be there for her whenever she needs us," Jo mumbled - afraid to make too much noise.

I rest my head on Olly's lap, soon closing my eyes and falling into a deep sleep.