My Mistake ⌲ River Phoenix

22; my mistake

Today was Rio and Sam's wedding. It's been about 7 months since Asher's funeral, and life was starting to feel normal again. Olly's got a new boyfriend, and Jo and and Bill got married a month or so ago.

I won't lie. It's made me real sad to go to all these ceremonies of happiness, engagement, and love. It feels as though life is deliberately trying to rub in my face that I'm alone. And most of all, it's like the world just straight up hates me. The one person I wanted the most... doesn't even want me. Hell, they can even go years without me. But - maybe it's self-inflicted.

However, I had a plan. Maybe it wasn't going to work - but I knew I had to do it. It was my last chance.

It was quite a big ceremony inside of a beautiful baroque-themed hotel. Both he and Sam are only 23 though, in my opinion, they are way too young. Nevertheless, it's not up to me. You love who you love.

On the flight to New York we sat on the airplane. He had it in New York, my home state. I watched the windows and the city fly by and now I know that rose trees never grow. My eyes widened with fascination - the window reflecting light.

When we landed, Olly grabbed my shaking hands. He knew I didn't want to be here. New York City was my home: once full of community and culture. Sitting in the morning sun I'd watch from my house window out onto the culture of Spanish Harlem.

It was a city of true art; my muse, if you will. However, with every beautiful city comes its harrowing memories.

Those were the first years of living alone, where my parents decided take the traveling journalist jobs to where it was just me and Carmen. I mean, that's how it's always been. That's what I'm used to.

So, ultimately, that's when I learned to do art. One day I stumbled upon my neighbors front yard - scavenging through their old art supplies. Long story short, they were the parents I never had.

As we entered the hotel, I glanced around. It was crowded and I definitely felt claustrophobic. A headache started to arise... but, I had to keep a smile on - for Rio.

Soon everyone found their seats. Olly and I were sat in the middle of the venue - surrounded by strange faces. I could tell Olly was starting to feel uncomfortable too - he's got to be some sort of an empath.

"Welcome in all," The preacher started. "Thank you for joining us on this ceremony of love." I looked over at Sam's snotty little family all dressed in pastel. I couldn't lie, though Sam looked beautiful - a true type of elusive beauty, I was incredibly jealous. She had everything I ever wanted. But, nevertheless, I had to be happy. I lose myself in a daydream.

Minutes passed, soon it was time for the end. For when they finally kiss and solidify their love. I dropped my head in my hands - dreading the next events to unfold. I swear in that moment, if you've never felt your soul being torn apart - you've never loved anyone with all your heart.

An organ starts to play a song that sounds like a death march. She floats down the isle like a pageant queen. Her short blonde hair was intertwined with some white lilies.

I hear the preacher say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." There's a silence... there's my last chance. But, I am not the kind of girl who rudely barges in to a white veil occasion. But, he is not the kind of guy who should be marrying the wrong girl. However, I can't keep living a life full of regret. Olly looked me. He knew I had something going on.

I stand up with shaky hands, all eyes on me. Horrified looks from everyone in the room made me want to fall to the ground.

"Wait!" I yelled out. "I love you, Rio... And I'm sorry it's taken me so long to finally get here... but, heh, better late than ever right?" I chuckled nervously as I quickly glanced around to the leering stares. Sam's face was scared - mortified, if you will.

"Amoreena..." Olly muttered, suddenly feeling the second-hand embarrassment. I put my hand on his hand, reassuring him that I needed to do this.

"I fell in love with learning about you. I fell in love when you're underneath me, your skin touches by my hands. I fell in love with your tired eyes, anxious eyes, worried eyes. I fell in love with your fierce eyes: where the madness lies within. I fell in love with your restlessness - how your hair always cascaded, falling over your face. I fell in love with your movements, dances I can admire for years on end. But, most of all... I fell in love with you and how you held me so close. How you saved me even when I didn't know I needed it. How you loved me with an honest tongue, devoted heart, and exclusive eyes."

The venue fell silent. It was as if you could hear a thumbtack fall to the ground. I didn't know what to do but just stand there and wait for the fateful decision. Rio didn't even look at the terrified Samantha.

With that said, it seemed like all that mattered was me and him. Fate's destined design had finally brought me to him. I was finally capable of showing emotion... I guess it just needed a little push.

Rio didn't say a single word. He seemed upset - and my heart dropped. Maybe I just completely ruined my reputation for no reason. Maybe I deserved this type of public humiliation and rejection. He started walking over to me, not moving his eyes from mine. I felt shaky. He finally stood in front of me, Olly's jaw basically at the floor - just as surprised as me.

But, then he kissed me, and it was like the world had finally fell into place.

"It was my mistake to ever let you go. I promise it will never happen again," He muttered under the bright lights. We hugged each other - and I soon knew that maybe my real home was in his arms - forever and always encompassed by the warmth of his unconditional love.