Secret Letter - Jaywon

What's in my bag?

"Jay?" said a voice.
The young idol took one earphone off and looked at the staff who had opened the door.
"The members are gathering for Heeseung's birthday in the practice room, if you want to go" he said.
"I'm coming, thank you" replied Jay, taking his second earphone off, and putting them in his pocket.

He stood up and quickly checked how he looked in the mirror. He was wearing a black cap, a big blue hoodie and confortable jeans.
It cool, but it isn't the fanciest for Heeseung's birthday... I'm sure he won't mind though... I'll dress better tonight.

Jay repositioned his cap and once satisfied with his outfit, he left the room. He walked to the practice room and saw that Jake, Heeseung and Jungwon were already there.
Jungwon must be coming back from college. He's wearing his lucky hoodie. I wonder if he did well on the English exam he had today.

He got closer to the young man, and felt that his friend was a bit awkward, as usual. Jungwon greeted him, but quickly and without looking at him. Jay used to feel sad about this kind of behavior, but had gotten used to it. They had been very close during I-Land, but since then, he felt distant from Jungwon.
During the first days at the dorm, Jay continued acting like he did during the survival show, but he noticed that Jungwon seemed embarrassed about it. After a few days, Jay had stopped all physical contacts with Jungwon. He didn't want to make him feel awkward, even though it broke his heart not to be close to Jungwon anymore. Every time he saw his mesmerizing eyes, his beautiful smile or his cute dimples, he had an urge to hug Jungwon and lift him in the air. Unfortunately, days had passed since the last smile Jungwon had given him.

"So as I like you Jake, let's see what's in your bag" said Heeseung, looking at the camera. Jay woke up from his thoughts and witnessed the scene. Heeseung, who was filming them, was sitting in front of Jake and Jungwon.
Jake took the first bag he saw, which happened to be Jungwon's.

"So here's my bag" said Jake. "Let's see what I keep with me!"
"That's mine actually" said Jungwon, smiling.

Why does he need to smile like that? Does he know he effortlessly adorable he looks?
I need to stop thinking that, it hurts too much.

"First, here are some papers!" said Jake, solemnly taking them out of the bag.
"It's from the English test you had today right?" asked Jay, without even looking at the papers.

Jungwon stared at him, surprised.

"Yes, it was" he answered slowly.
"Oh, English!" replied Jake, excited.

"He remembers?" Jungwon mumbled to himself, unaware that Jay had heard him.

Of course I remember Jungwon! You were stressed about it during the whole week, how could I forget?

"Jungwon is pretty good at translating" affirmed Jake, looking at the papers.
"He really is" added Jay looking at Jungwon as the latter turned red.
"Let me see if I can read it!" said Heeseung, excited about this new challenge.

He started reading it out loud, but soon gave up. In the meantime, Jake continued looking through Jungwon's bag, taking out a Polaroid picture.
"Look! It's a rare photo!" said Heeseung, enthusiastic.
"Is it a selca from Chamber 5?" asked Niki, who had just arrived.
"Yup" confirmed Jake. "Wait, I'll take a picture of it for me."

Niki started looking into Jungwon's bag while Jake was busy.

"What's that?" asked the youngest, pointing at an envelope in Jungwon's bag.
"Nothing" said Jungwon, trying to take it.

Sadly for him, Niki was faster than him.

"Wait. It's a letter from Jay!" he shouted, excited. "Is it the one from I-Land? You never showed it to us!"
"Let's read it!" said Jake and Heeseung, at the same time.

Jay screamed from embarrassment and Jungwon refused, taking his letter back. He quickly left the room, leaving them without explanation.

"What's with him?" asked Heeseung.
"Did you do something Jay?" added Niki.

Everyone looked at Jay, who seemed just as puzzled as them.

"I don't know guys. Jungwon and I aren't close anymore" he said, looking sad. "We were closer back then, but since the end of I-Land, Jungwon almost hasn't talked to me."

Heeseung decided to change subjects. Jay had talked to him about how he was feeling and Heeseung didn't want him to be asked nor teased about it.
"This Polaroid is really cool isn't it?" he said, starting the conversation anew.

Jay excused himself, he needed to go to the bathroom.
Everyone looked at him suspiciously, but for once, he really needed to go, it wasn't a lame excuse.
After finishing his business he looked at his reflection in the mirror for a long time.

I can't believe that first, Jungwon kept this letter, and second that he carries it with him everywhere. I don't understand...
I poured my heart and soul into this letter. If it meant so much to him, why didn't he answer it? Why did he distanced himself from me?
If it's so important, why doesn't he talk to me anymore?

Jay was so focused on his train of thought that he didn't notice the door opening, he just felt a hand on his arm.
"Hey, are you okay?" asked Jake, looking sincerely concerned.
"Yeah, just drank too much tea again" replied Jay, faking a laugh.
"Hum, yep" answered Jake unconvinced. "You've been here for like fifteen minutes, though."
"Was it really that much?" asked Jay, shocked.

Did I think for that long?

"Yes" confirmed Jake.

He paused for a few seconds.

"Does it have something to do with Jungwon?" finally asking what he wanted to know from the beginning.

Jay didn't answer, he didn't want to.

"Jungwon already came back, and he was sniffing, so I thought I'd talk with you" explained Jake, suddenly unsure if it was a good idea.

"Do you think he cried?" asked Jay, softly.
"High chance" replied Jake.