Secret Letter - Jaywon

Sweet Dreams

Jay woke up regretful.

I should have asked Jungwon to stay...

He hated himself for letting Jungwon sleep in the living room.

"I'll go sleep on the couch tonight I think. I don't want to hurt you anymore."

This sentence resonated endlessly in Jay's head. He opened his eyes and saw Jungwon's empty bed.
Well on the bright side, I had the most beautiful dream.

After Jungwon left the room the night before, Jay had spent his night imagining them finally kissing. He envisioned how it would feel to touch his skin.
Jay closed his eyes.

This dream is all I'll ever get from him, I might as well make sure I'll remember it forever.

Jay inspired deeply and started passing his dream in his head like a movie.

Jungwon was headed for the door, but Jay grabbed his wrist and spun him around.
"Do you really want to go?" whispered Jay.
Jungwon looked at Jay. He shook his head no.

Jay got closer to him and finally kissed him. At some point, Jay imagined Jungwon jumping on him and kissing him while Jay held him.

Jay carried him to bed and delicately laid him on it.  Jungwon looked at Jay amorously while the latter laid on bed as well. They were facing each other and Jungwon's fingers started drawing imaginary shapes on Jay's shirt.

"So I guess this is our only chance to be together right?" said Jay with a sight.
"Please don't get me wrong, I wish we could be together" explained Jungwon. "But we can't do that to the members."
"I know" said Jay, sad.

He paused, looking at the ceiling.

"How about we make the most of this night then?" asked Jay. "After tomorrow we will be sleeping in the dorm with everyone."
"I'm opened to suggestions" replied Jungwon.

Jay quickly moved and climbed on top of Jungwon.
He felt Jungwon looking at him and then looking at his thighs surrounding him. Jay saw him bite his lips and it drove him insane.

Jay locked eyes with Jungwon and slowly leaned closer to him and whispered "doing that comes to mind" in Jungwon's ear.
Jay felt the man he loved shivering under him. He smiled, turned on by the effect he had on Jungwon.
He went down a little and kissed the young man's neck.
Jungwon softly moaned from pleasure, turning Jay on even more. He opened his mouth and licked Jungwon's neck as the latter passed his hand on Jay's hair. The kiss got faster and Jungwon grabbed Jay's back firmly.

Jungwon put one hand on Jay's cheek, giving him a sign. Jay looked at him and leaned towards Jungwon's mouth.
This time, their kiss was more passionate, more firm. Jay bit Jungwon's lower lip and that was it for him.
Jungwon quickly run his hands through Jay's back until he found the hem of his shirt. He grabbed it and took it off quickly. Jay imitated him and took Jungwon's shirt of as well. Jay was almost laying down on Jungwon, and their skin kept touching.

Jungwon decided to switch places, so he grabbed Jay and rolled him until he was laying on his back. Jungwon firmly took Jay's wrists and brought them over Jay's head.
Jay couldn't move anymore, he felt his heart getting faster. Jungwon was holding him still.

Giving himself to Jungwon in such a vulnarable position was exhilarating. He looked at him and saw the young man getting closer.

Jungwon kissed Jay wildly. He finished his kiss with several smaller ones, until he stopped. He let go of Jay's hands and placed them on his thighs.

Jungwon looked deep into Jay's eyes.
"Do you want to go further?" he whispered.
"I do Won" affirmed Jay.

He kissed Jay's lips again, and slowly started to move down, leaving a trail of kisses on Jay's body. He started on his chin, continued on his neck and went down on his bare chest. Jay enjoyed how warm Jungwon's lips felt on his skin. He had to bite his own lips not to moan too loudly. He closed his eyes, overwhelmed by Jungwon's kisses getting lower and lower.
Soon he felt Jungwon undressing him slowly.

Jay couldn't handle it anymore. He wanted Jungwon.

Now.

~

Jay smiled. He had finished his little dream-movie in his head. He didn't know if he should feel bad about imagining making love to Jungwon.
I guess it can't hurt him, it's only my imagination.

It left him a bittersweet taste.
He looked at his phone and saw that he still had over 50 minutes before having to get ready.

He sighed and touched his cheek, where Jungwon had kissed him.

At least I have one real kiss, that's something.

Can you hear yourself Jay Park?
You're happy about a kiss on the cheek?
You heard Jungwon, you can't be with him. Worst is that he's right.
I was selfish and I was only thinking about me -and Jungwon. I didn't even consider once that if we had a relationship it could impact the other members.
I didn't think about what the company nor the fans would say...

Jay sighted again and turned himself to lay on his back, but he felt something underneath him.

"Jay, you're crushing my arm" said a half asleep voice.
"Jungwon?" asked Jay shocked.
"Yeah?" he replied. He approached his face to Jay's and kissed him quickly. "Good morning by the way."

"Wait, yesterday night wasn't a dream?" asked Jay, slowly remembering the truth.