Secret Letter - Jaywon

Winter break

"Wait, yesterday night wasn't a dream?" asked Jay, slowly remembering the truth.

"What do you mean a dream?" asked Jungwon.
"Did you and me really..." started Jay, blushing.
"I guess we did" simply replied Jungwon, comfortably installing his head on Jay's shoulder.

"But what you said is still true though... We shouldn't be together. We have to protect the members" said Jay, surprised that Jungwon decided to once again be close to him.
"We agree. Perhaps we should take this moment alone to discuss what to do next?" suggested Jungwon.

~

The members were eating breakfast together. Heeseung kept looking at Jay, then at Jungwon, then back at Jay again, wondering if they had talked.

Don't worry Hee, we "talked" a lot.
Jay smiled in his head and casually glanced at Jungwon, noticing how awkward he looked.

He does it so well.

~

The following months had passed in a blink of an eye. Between their debut, the promotions and and the video contents they made for Engene, the members didn't even see December coming.

Every night, before falling asleep, Jay would remember the conversation he and Jungwon had that morning to give him strength.

Jungwon had his head on Jay's shoulder.
"I think we should put on an act together" he said.
"And what do we act?" asked Jay curious.
"Well it'd be too weird if we weren't close yesterday and suddenly were today, right?" said Jungwon. "It would be obvious that something happened in this room."

Jay nodded.

"But if I keep acting like I'm awkward around you  and the other members because I'm not yet confident enough in my role of leader, no one will notice a change" explained Jungwon. "Maybe you could try being close to me again progressively?"

Jay thought about it in silence.
This plan made sense. Jay had already been vocal about the fact that he missed his I-Land friendship with Jungwon. It'd be logical if he tried to find it back. Jungwon being shy about his new role of leader also was believable.

"So the goal is to progressively becoming close friends again?" he summed up. "Like we were in I-Land?"
"I think the members won't notice if we do it naturally" guessed Jungwon. "We just need to be patient, it'll take months."
"I hate it'll take so long" admitted Jay.
Jungwon took Jay's hand in his, and gently kissed it.
"We'll make it" said Jungwon, smiling at Jay.

~

Today was their last day before vacation and the members didn't really work. They spent the day at the dorm, enjoying being together before going to their respective families for the winter break.

Jay was feeling impatient. He wanted to leave as soon as possible.
Once I'm out of here, I can be with Jungwon.

They had already arranged everything together in secret two weeks ago. Jungwon had told his family that he wanted to spend his vacation with Jay and they didn't ask anything more about it. He had specified that it was a secret because he didn't want to fans to follow him around. His family believed his excuse easily.

~

Jungwon gave Jay a head sign and they headed to the bedroom while the other members were in the kitchen, busy talking about what they wanted to do during their break.

"I still feel bad about lying to them" said Jungwon when he was alone with Jay.
"The members?" asked Jay.
"My parents" replied Jungwon, looking at his shoes.
"I'm sorry, Won" whispered Jay, hugging him. "It's okay if you're not ready to tell them yet. You can take your time."

Jungwon nodded in silence. He wished he had Jay's courage. The latter had no secrets for his mother.
The young leader hugged Jay tighter.

He turned his head around and looked at the door. He didn't hear any noise in the hall so he decided the quickly kiss Jay's lips.
"Jungwon please" implored Jay. "We've stayed strong all these weeks, we can't risk it all now."
Jay knew he had to stop them now, before it was too late.
"I'm sorry. It's just that I can't take it anymore. I want to be with you" replied Jungwon in a whisper.

Jay took Jungwon's chin between his fingers and lifted his head to look into his eyes.

"Tonight we will be alone in my house, with no risks of being seen. So I need you to be strong just a bit more okay?" whispered Jay softly.
Jungwon nodded.

They got out of the room and walked back to the kitchen.
"See, the jacket you're looking for isn't in my stuff" said Jungwon.
"Sorry but I wanted to check, you guys are always taking my clothes" replied Jay, acting annoyed.

"Did you already pack?" asked Sunghoon.
"Not yet, but maybe we should all go right?" suggested Sunoo.

Just like that they all went to the bedroom and started filling their suitcases.
The bedroom became chaotic really fast.
After almost an hour, everyone was done. Somehow, the bedroom looked smaller without their belongings in it.

They gathered in the hall and hugged each other goodbye. Then, each of them headed home.
Jay and Jungwon waited for the others to go first, so that they could leave the dorm together.

The driver took them to Jay's quite rapidly.
"Will your parents be home?" asked Jungwon as he took his suitcase from the car's trunk.
"At this hour they're usually still working" answered Jay, taking his as well.
"Alright" replied Jungwon. "Let's go!"

They walked to the front door and Jay grabbed his keys. Jungwon discovered Jay's house for the first time. The kitchen and living room were the ground floor, whereas the two bedrooms and the bathroom were upstairs.
Jay took his boyfriend's hand and showed him around the house. He guided him upstairs and presented his room.
He had a big desk against the wall with a computer and a tv facing the bed. Jungwon walked around the room, looking at every detail he could. He saw fashion books, clothes, video games, but his favorite item was a picture of young Jay acting cool with sunglasses.
He approached the window and looked at the garden underneath him.

Soon Jungwon felt two arms circling him. Jay's hands were on his lower stomach.
Jungwon felt a rush through his whole body. It had been weeks since they last touched each other.
Jay leaned his head close to Jungwon's hear.
"So, we're finally alone" he whispered.

He gently kissed Jungwon's neck.
Jungwon put his hands on Jay's and intertwined their fingers. He pushed them a bit more, making Jay hug him tighter.

"I guess you're right" he finally answered, turning his head to kiss Jay's lips.

The kiss was soft and gentle. They were discovering each other again after weeks. All these days acting more distant than they were in reality were forgotten.
The kiss soon got more impulsive. They had spent weeks being frustrated, wanting to be together but unable to. Now, they could let their imagination run free and enjoy themselves however they liked, without restrictions.

Jungwon turned his body to face Jay and got lost in eyes. He gave Jay a languorous kiss, grabbing his back firmly.

Soon their clothes were all over the floor.