Déja Vu

Eleven

"Let me get this straight." She sits cross-legged before me on the bed "Adam is back?" I nod.

"And he lives with your boyfriend?"

"And is my classmate." She rests her chin on the back of her hand which is fixed on the pillow in her lap. We've been going through this since she came in an hour ago. The shock is visible. No one would've imagined that we'll meet again, nevertheless get into each other's lives again. It's technically like those four years never happened, apart from the Dain part. "I don't know, girl." She says "This is gonna be a hell of a chaos." At least someone got the same opinion as me. "Do you still..." She asks.

"Still what?"

"You think I wasn't standing by the window that day?" Shit.

One thing that I haven't mastered throughout my eighteen years of living with her is being able to hide something, or anything. She makes me feel like I've done something here when in fact she knows everything. She does the same with all three of us. I thought it wouldn't apply to me since I'm the oldest, but yeah never happened.

I didn't actually mean to hide my crush on Adam from my sisters, I just never found the perfect timing to talk to them about it. And after he left, bringing the topic up would reopen the scars he left in me. Him walking away was the biggest heartbreak I've ever encountered throughout my nineteen years of existing, yet he's back and I got to deal with him as if he never ripped my heart out of its place.

"I think you should act normal." She says "You're friends? Act friends. Treat him like what had happened never did."

"Fake it till you make it." I almost forgot Sam was here. They were on their way back from college when I asked her to drop by so she dragged him here with her. It's not like he's much of a use apart from occupying the entire width of the bed with his 5'11 figure. He's just...lying there playing games on his phone but apparently this is making Olivia happy. A tall noisy idiot playing games is making my sister delighted, God help her.

She clicks her fingers "Exactly. It might be a little hard to pretend but you'll get used to it. Just like how you were with him back then."

"Bold of you to assume it was easy back then." I play with a loose thread immerging from the pillow on my lap. Now is different from back then. Before, it was hard to pretend that he wasn't messing with my heart pulses, but at least I didn't have anything pulling me back from letting my feelings doodle around him the way I did. Now I have to be the one pulling my own self back. I got to forget that I once liked this boy, I got to stop myself from being comfortable around him. I might not love him anymore, but nostalgia knows how to draw me an illusion of my past feelings that may strike me back. This can't happen now, the burden is pressuring me to stop it all. Plus, Dain, I'm dating another man that I should be working on myself to fall in love with. Being friends with Adam after all those years can never be easy. I can't undo what he has done to my heart, yet I can't set it free either. Crazy how one can never untangle their own feelings.

"As much as I hate this idea," She sighs "Try to focus on Dain and your studies more. That'll distract you."

Sam clicks his tongue as he sits upright "You mean red-headed nerdy bitch sheep." At least he didn't complete his list of insults this time. They usually never go less than twenty. I roll my eyes and focus back on Olivia. I might use any advice right now, and hers might work actually. Maybe Adam's return is what's going to glue me to Dain more. Maybe my old feelings for Adam would finally subside and transform to Dain.

"Why don't you breakup with that creature and date the Adam guy?" Sam interferes once more. I throw my pillow to his face "First," I start "We don't like each other anymore. Second, why are you annoying me?"