Déja Vu

Fourteen

If only Reiko wasn’t allergic to dog fur, I would’ve taken Mozzarella back with me tomorrow. I just can’t imagine leaving her again, it seems like I’m abandoning a part of me. My sisters actually do take good care of her, especially Naomi, but it’s still different to when I’m with her. Her happy tail wiggling while I’m putting her leash on to take her for a final walk is already shattering my heart into pieces. I hear footsteps deescalating the front porch’s stairs as I stroke her head multiple times.

“Do you think I should join you?” Adam says as he kneels down beside me in an oversized white t-shirt and fluffy strands of hair almost covering his eyes. Great, now I don’t have to see them. It’s not like I’ve seen him enough over the past two days when I had Dain over my head. I was surprised he decided to leave today’s morning. He just said ‘I’ve probably been a headache for enough time’. At least I’m glad he was aware of this. 

“It’s not like it’s a must.” I tell him while still playing with Mozzarella “But you can join if you want to.”

“No, it is a must.” He groans as he stands up “The girl needs time with both of her parents.” And he needs to stop saying this. I look up at him then down at Mozzarella. I can’t even look at my own dog without thinking of her as his and mine dog. But I mean it’s normal, a lot of friends do get pets together. Or even get sibling pets, it’s very normal. What’s not normal is calling themselves ‘a parent’. Every time he says it something in me just starts rushing around like there is a tornado, an actual nice tornado. 

He offers me his hand so I quickly rise up to avoid any means of my skin coming in contact with his. I wipe off dust from the knees of my leggings and he is still extending his hand. I look down at his hand then back at his face. He’s neither smiling or mad or even leaving any indication of his desire, he’s just waiting. He got pretty hands, neither big nor small, just a warm hand I catch myself wondering how will it feel in my hand. I want to convince myself so bad that he’s waiting for me to hold his hand. 

“The leash.” He clarifies when I give no response. And trial failed as usual. I pass him the leash as I try to exceed him. Adam seeing my embarrassed face after I’ve been thinking if he wants my hand is the last thing I would ever want from my life. And the fact that I even thought of that is even worse. Sometimes it feels like I’ve been living in constant brain freeze since my eyes fell on him. 

We walk in silence for what seems like fifteen minutes, him walking Mozzarella with one hand in his pants pockets and the other holding the leash while I’m either following them or walking before them. The night sky is shimmering with clear stars with the soft chilly breeze running through the strands of my hair. I shiver from time to time, but the warmness of the sky’s beauty embraces me as I lose myself within it. There is no one on the street except us and the few streetlights scattered along the path. Every few meters, we can spot one. They are so far away from each other that sometimes I wonder how lonely do they feel standing there all alone, trying to light up the path for other people. They remind me of the stars, so far away and alone, lighting up the entire universe, watching people make memories and break some, witnessing the good in bad in people. Stars are the truest companion, they cry with us during our rough nights, watch over us when we need to feel embraced. Only the stars know what’s sunken deep into us, and know what it means to be human. 

We reach the garden where I usually let Mozzarella run around in for a while. My sisters are too scared to unleash her so they never take her here. Now that it’s me, I gotta give the girl some freedom. Adam drops on one of the benches as I take off her leash and let her free for some time. She usually doesn’t go far, just plays around and collects sticks beside me, it’s kind of her thing. I take a seat next to Adam, watching her running away and around some bushes. No, I can’t leave her again. Adam rests his back against the back of the bench, crossing his arms over his chest while he watches Mozzarella with those eyes of his reflecting the stars. I chuckle a bit as I look behind me at him “Seeing you like that makes me wonder how you’ll be like if you actually had a daughter.” I tell him “As in a human daughter not a pet.”