Déja Vu

Twenty-Two

"Can you even believe it?" I tell him for probably the tenth time today as I hop in the car tossing my bag to the backseat. Yesterday's call with Farida just pushed a lot of hope into me. She's read the draft I sent her and she thinks it's amazing. Although she's not really sure what will the head of the publishing house himself would say, but she's rooting for me. I know it's stupid how I get excited over the tiniest things, but this one really means a lot to me. Of course I've planned for the worst-case scenario since the second she told me about the offer, but I feel like I really do want to keep my hopes up this time.

Dain starts the engine as he listens to me babble about the call again. He didn't say much since I told him except "That's great." Typical him would give me cold responses then put himself on mute for the rest of the day. He doesn't even talk about himself anymore, or anything in general.

Life is dropping bold signs over my head that it's about time things end, but I'm both blind and a coward so taking a step for me seems like hell.

"Dain, wait." I stop him before he puts the car in reverse. I should at least try to give him a few signals that I'm not happy anymore, and obviously nor is he. I take in a deep breath as I feel my body stiffing "There is something that we need to talk about."

"Yeah, sure." He flips the key then turns himself to be looking at me. Though I'm sure there is no such thing called black eyes, but Dain's are so dark and mysterious. Sometimes I wonder what it would've been like to actually fall in love with him. What would it be like to see him and have butterflies crawling all-around your stomach, or kissing him whenever you want because he's your boyfriend and you can. I used to like Dain, so much, I used to even love him before Adam showed back into my life and made me realize I was just living in a poor illusion. Maybe things would've been different if he never showed up again. Maybe by now, I would've succeeded in falling for Dain, and life between us wouldn't be the death it is now.

But deep inside, only one guy had me, and will always do.

Dain tilts his head in wait for me to start talking. I regret it now. I shouldn't have taken the decision while being totally unprepared. I don't even have a single glimpse of an idea of what I should do or say to end things properly. I dig my fists into my jacket to ease my nerves. I should've given this more thought.

I just said it, I need to leave things on good terms, so I need to end them where they started. I sit upright and look him straight in the eyes "Let's go on a date."

"Huh?" He seems so confused by my sudden totally unplanned decision. Same, Dain, trust me same.

"A date, Dain." I tell him "Like let's go to a café or something, maybe even the cinemas." He's still looking at me in a totally puzzled expression, even shocked at the same time. I look down at my hands "You don't want to?"

"No." He bursts out "It's not like I don't want to. Are you kidding me? I would kill to spend some time with you it's just..." He stops for a second to inspect my face "It's just that it has been a very long time since we did, so I was a bit surprised." He smiles so big for the first time in a lot and it kills me that he's that happy when he has no idea what's awaiting him there.

I hate myself for everything I've been doing to him.

We sit in silence, just smiling at each other when suddenly the back seat's door flies open. We both snap our heads to see Adam climbing in and tossing his bag right beside mine as if this was his own personal bedroom. Worst timing to show up.

"Drop me off at Tati's." He nods his head to Dain whose face is back to gloomy. He blinks rapidly "I think I missed the part when you said 'please'?"

Adam rolls his eyes "Can you please drop me off at Tati's?"