Déja Vu

Ten

Four years later...

New semester starting in two days and I have zero motivation though I'm the one who chose this career myself. I still regret not majoring in literature, but I figured engineering might be better than depending on my lacking writing skills. I must admit that I enjoy it, I really do, it's just that I'm exhausted. It has been only three weeks since the last semester ended, it sometimes feels like relentless lassitude. Lecture after lecture after session after semester, this just never ends. Being in collage made me regret taking school life for granted, so I really do hope I don't repeat the same mistake.

My eyes snap open at the sound of the groceries smashing against the floor. All I wanted was to relax a bit before life starts rushing back up, but being dorm mates with Carson Lee for the past year should've made me used to the lack of peace already "Your turn next time." She drops on the coach next to me, stretching her long legs on the tea table we got before us. If anything, she has kept on adding more inches to her height since the day we became friends, I kinda look like a child standing next to her "Not me," I kick her legs off the table "It's Reiko's, the laundry is on me this week so next week it'll be dishes, not grocery shopping." She eyes me with the corner of her eyes before jumping back up and to her room, our room actually. She knows how specific I am about our chores schedule and that irritates her sometimes, but we are three in this dorm, and we got to cope with living together so that life wouldn't be hard for anyone.

That what I was worried about after taking the decision to move out to another city, having to carry the responsibility completely. It's not like I'm a spoiled little girl, but I'm more of a family person. I've spent my entire life with my parents and three younger sisters, so I found it difficult to cope otherwise.

To be honest, this phase lasted for three quarters of my first year here. I found it hard to accept the fact that no one was going to give me a lift in the morning, or back from school. It was also hard to learn basic cooking at first, or to clean an entire dorm completely. And having to do all that with studies on top and a moody boyfriend kind of added salt to the injury. But I'd also be lying if I say there is no part of me that enjoys this. It feels like experiencing something, adding more life to my years.

Sometimes, I keep on thinking about those college graduates and how they're feeling now. Whether they regret taking this period for granted or are living on its memories. Whether life after college gets better, more lively? Whether they are enjoying their current experiences or are letting their brain focus on the shadow rather than the sunlight. I want to know if I'd want to come back to this like I miss school life sometimes, or I'd be to immersed into what life would engage me in. This life we lead is so confusing, your curiosity for tomorrow and regret of yesterday totally blurs out the pleasures today has brought.

I didn't have time to straighten my hair which is definitely going to annoy Dain, but I really got to give my hair a break from heat. He said he wanted me to meet his new dorm mate so I'll tell him that I was trying to look less pretty to not attract the new guy, that might add to my loyalty points and make him feel better about himself. Somehow, the walk to his and Nick's dorm keeps on getting longer every time I drop by. They live about a mile from where I do so it usually takes me about fifteen minutes to get there, I take it as an exercise. But those fifteen minutes kind of keep on expanding, though I check the timing every time and it does take me fifteen minutes every time. It sometimes makes me feel as if I've been wandering for hours, or that I lose a piece of myself with every step I take towards this place where my childhood best friend and my boyfriend live.

I can't blame this feeling on the architecting of our neighborhood, because if anything it's the warmest place I've ever been to. It's kind of a little place designed for only college students. We got our own café, own supermarket, and own pharmacy alongside the dorms that are actually built as very small houses in an ancient Spanish or Italian neighborhood. Narrow streets, rocky floor, grass popping out of windows, and the great part is, it's a ten minutes' walk away from the beach, so I must say this place is like heaven on Earth to me. Just strolling around makes me the happiest alive, but not when visiting them. My feet become heavier with every rock I pass by going to them. And throughout my entire year, almost two years, of living here, I still haven't identified the reason of burden I keep getting.