Déja Vu

Seventeen

One of the privileges of having a sister with a boyfriend is that I can steal her jacket with no guilt knowing that she's going to take his, especially when he's an emotionless maniac that walks around with a sleeveless shirt and shorts in a weather like that. Even in the flaming summer the beach is known to be breezy at night. And another perk is using him as a tool to escape awkward situations, or to sacrifice him in general.

Dain was sitting there glaring at me as I was heading towards Sam. It's been almost an hour and I want nothing but for the ground to swallow me whole. Sam was just standing there stuffing a sandwich in his mouth when I dashed towards him "How much do you think you're willing to risk for me?" I seriously whisper to him. He wide-eyed looks around before looking back at me "What?"

"Answer now." My glare makes his shoulders shrink. Boy is terrified and I honestly don't blame him. He swallows "Umm, my crayons box?"

"No you, idiot." I clench my teeth "I need to temporarily get out of here."

"And what does that have to do with me?" He lowers his voice the way I am lowering mine like someone is spying on us, when literally no one is around us within a two meters' range. I take a quick glance around us before facing him once more "Can I sacrifice you?"

"Sis, what?"

"Okay thanks." With no warnings, I kick his knee so hard that he falls to the ground screaming. I had no brain stability to think of some other way to pretend like I urgently need to escape. His fair face is slowly camouflaging to the colour of his red shirt as he screams harder "You little b-"

"Best friend ever." I interrupt him before he yells it out. I lean down to help him up "I'll do whatever you want if you play along." I whisper as he tries to press on his other leg. He looks down at me as he grunts "Give me a good offer."

"How about a a whole week of free pizza?" I suggest. He shakes his head "Nope too much calories." The stick thin is saying that.

"A fancy booked date with Olivia?"

"And two expensive pastel pallets."

"I'm broke, just one."

"Then a new sketchbook, too, and fifty bucks."

"Two sketchbooks and ten bucks."

"Okay deal." He leans over my shoulders and winces, not sure if it was real or pretend I pretty much injured the guy but I don't care enough to ask. He tries to hop on one leg as we slowly make our way to one of the huts, replying to people with 'He got a muscle cramp.' , 'he needs rest.' I'll be paying my savings for him to shut up about me kicking him. The weight on my chest lighten the more I get away from people, especially Dain. I can't even imagine how he must have felt when he heard what he did. An apology won't be enough for him, and definitely not a break up. I keep dragging this guy into the unfairness the more I stay with him. I still have no idea how am I even going to end things with him.

If I'll ever have the courage to.

I've always promised myself to never break a heart, because I'm someone who had been scarred by love at age fifteen. I should know better than do to it to someone else. But here I am, breaking a piece of Dain's heart as every day passes by.

We reach the hut and I drop Sam on the nearest chair, leaning against a wall and sliding to the floor beneath me. I hide my face into my hands, head as heavy as a rock. I have no idea what kind of a mess have I thrown myself into. This isn't what I've always wanted.

This is not the version of myself I was urging to become.

I lean my head back and squeeze my eyes shut, trying to evaporate all this stress out of my ears. The ocean was supposed to take it off me, the scent of the saltiness should've filled the void in my heart. But all I got in return was a wider hallow inside of me, all it contains is screams of pain, of longing for nothing but to run away.