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AAJ JAANE KI ZIDD NA KARO?

aaj jaane ki zidd na karo?

'jaan jaati hai jab uth ke jaate ho tum'
i am tired of watching you go
each time i tell you to.
don't you see, love?
each time i tell you to leave,
i am asking a better you to stay.
but you're going on and on
about something i said or
something i have been doing
for the past two years
and you're so sick of,
and i fight it with slurs
about things i don't like about you.
yes, there is so much
i don't like about you.
but each time i say them out loud
i wish i was telling you
i don't mean to change them.
i don't want to change you.
i don't want to let you go.
but like you said,
i want too much.
it's never enough for me.

'channd ghadiyan yahi hain jo aazad hain'
because the way you push back
your uncut hair
and brush them back with both your hands
is something i always notice.
the way you hold me by my shoulder,
safety felt an accessory with you.
each good bye was too hard for me
mostly because i was scared
that there'd be a last one
before we knew it.
and look how we last said goodbye.
i remember you walking out the door
and the last hug half heatedly,
fitting my shoulder
into the warmth of your arm,
not aware it would be the last time.
i remember your smile,
i remember you not being scared.
but like you said,
we're not the same
and i compare too much.

'kal ki kisko khabar jaan-e-jaan'
the last time i felt lonely
i didn't call you
i just gulped lonliness
like i used to before you came along.
today i gulped tears
along with my breakfast
because every time my chai
will have a spoon,
it'll make me feel your cup,
empty stirring filling up my room
with the sound of your presence.
i remember you telling me
so many times
what forever sounded like,
of possibilities and problems.
i remember noticing your eyes
the other day at the mall,
how you didn't say
you wanted a daughter.
but like you said,
i don't understand.
and well, i hate kids.

'inko kho kar meri jaan-e-jaan,
umr bhar na taraste raho.
aaj jaane ki zidd na karo?'

~• Zoey •~