The Heart of a Soul

Chapter 9

We were excused that day and I had to go out to give my classmates their comfort.

Alam ng lahat ang pinagdaanan ko at ng pamilya ko at sa nangyaring pag-iyak ko kahapon, iyon kaagad ang narating nilang konklusyon. Amanda too, thought that it was like that. Hindi na ako nag-abalang magaliwanag pa. Amanda was consoling me outside while I never spoke to her about what truly was the reason behind my tears. Si Noah naman ay pinalabas din kasama namin dahil naabutang pinapatahan niya ako sa pag-iyak.

Iyon ang iniisip nila.

The truth was... the reasons behind my tears were with me at the very moment and I have to cry even more for how helpless I was. I can't even tell the people around me that if Amanda and Noah feel uncomfortable about my presence, I also feel the same. I even feel worse of how they had to compliment the two, give them credit and make them look good while despite the pity they had for me, I am still under the bad light.

At noong iniisip nilang tinatahan niya ako, sumama lang lalo ang pakiramdam ko.

Just look at how people create version of their stories without even conferring to the person affected. Kapag marinig naman siguro nila ang kuwento ko ay magiging lalo lang masama ang tingin nila sa akin. I can't even bother to confront my friend because I felt anxious about the result of doing so.


Knowing Amanda, she wouldn't be mad at me but feel pity towards me. While she won't tell me that, whenever I am at disadvantage, the consideration would never leave her even when she tries to treat me like the ordinary days. 

She would probably even give way for me because she thinks I needed it and she don't. She's that selfless while I am here, secretly feeling envious towards her to the point where I had to cry after hearing him call her nickname. 

I am shameful.

"May nangyari ba sa pamilya mo? Your Mom? Your Dad?" She tried again after she was dismissed by the silence. 

Umiling lang ako at halos hindi na matignan si Amanda. Gumilid ang tingin ko at kung minamalas nga naman ay kay Noah pa nagtagpo ang mga mata. The eyes of which wouldn't allow me to look away because like an anchor, he had me on place. 

Nakatitig lang ito sa akin na tila ba kuryuso at hindi maunawaan ang mga nangyayari. His eyes were brighter than it had been under the light. It glows like a newly harvested honey from the beehives under the heat of the sun.

In contrast to his glowing orbs were the dire expressions on his face. Even when his face were evident of curiosity, the furrow on his eyebrows never left. His lips were in a grim line. Parang permanente na ang ekspresyon na 'yan sa mukha niya at hindi mawala-wala sa kahit na anong emosyon.

Hindi natapos ang task namin dahil sa nangyari at hindi naman sakto sa oras kaya binigyan kami ng pagkakataon. 

Kaya sa weekend ay kailangan naming makita ang isa't-isa.

Wala naman akong masyadong ginagawa sa bahay bukod sa maglinis sa mga kalat na hindi ko nailigpit at gawin ang mga hindi nagawa noong weekdays. Sa tuwing walang masyadong naiiwang tasks, projects o assignment ay libre ang oras ko kapag biyernes lalo na sa sabado at linggo kaya sinusulit ko iyon sa mga responsibilidad ko.

Papa even once mentioned getting a maid for me. He do not have any more financial obligation to his lover because just like him, she was working and providing for herself. Kaya nga malaki rin ang perang ipinapadala sa akin dahil bukod sa ina ko at kay papa ay nagbibigay rin ito sa akin. Getting a servant for me wouldn't be a big deal.