The Heart of a Soul

Chapter 6

"Hija, are you doing well?" 

Iyon ang bungad ni Papa nang masagot ko ang tawag niya sa pangatlong ring. I fell silent for a few seconds, may kung anu-anong kinalikot sa kusina habang naghihintay sa kabilang linya si Papa. He called my attention once again, nataranta ako ngunit medyo nagkaroon na ng lakas loob magsalita.

"Ah, yes po. I am doing fine here." 

"That's good…" Namayani ulit ang nakakailang na katahimikan. I did not speak and just listen to what my Father has to say. Narinig ko ang tikhim niya sa kabilang linya bago magsalitang muli. "Do you still have money to spend? Kung wala na, sabihan mo ako." 

"Meron pa naman po." Marami pa. I was about to say that. 

Father did not know that Mama was also sending me money. Tinatanggap ko naman. Ginagawa ko na lang iyong pampalubag loob sa ginawa niya sa pamilya namin. Sometimes I would excessively spend the money she sent for nonsense things. Pagkatapos ay hindi rin naman masyadong nagagamit ang mga bagay na iyon at nakakalimutan na lang. 

If she probably would not send me money, I would think that she had totally forgotten she once bear a child. I would be like those things I bought. 

My Father would check on me from time to time unlike my mother who only sent me money. Although I would find myself having a hard time responding to my Father's concerns. My Father probably read the atmosphere so he also had no idea how to respond to the situation.

Ganunpaman, hindi nawawala sa tawag ang pagsasabi niya na dapat ay sumama na ako sa kaniya at sa bago niyang pamilya. 

I would love to. Tita Sarah was also fine with it but I don't want to hit my own head with the stone my mother gathered. Sa tuwing harap-harapan kong makikita na masaya na sila, hindi ko maiiwasang alalahanin ang pamilya naming nasira. That maybe if I could reverse the time, we could fix everything that has to be fixed. I can't help but feel envy. How were they doing it? Hindi ko ba iyon magagawa? Would I forever be stuck in a loop? How can they be so happy while I am reminded by the broken images of us.

Natapos ang tawag nang ilang minuto. Napabuntong hininga ako at napatitig sa wall clock. The house was so silent that I could hear every heart beats of the clock. Ilang beses ang pagtakbo ng segundo bago ko maalala ang niluluto kong manok.

Tinakbo ko ang stove upang tignan kung ano ng nangyari rito. Nakaligtaan ko at ang manok na niluluto ko ay naging uling na! It still smells good but I doubt how it would taste! 

Here I am thinking that it would be easier for me to cook anything fried because I would just let them boil in the oil. Ngayon ay nakikita ko ng hindi dapat ako magsalita nang tapos. 

I am still hopeful about it. Baka masarap pa rin naman kahit itim na ang kulay. Kaya nagtiis ako sa pagtanggal sa dumidikit na manok. When I successfully took it out from the pan, I carried it on the table like it's a masterpiece I am about to present to the public. 

Iyon nga lang ay hindi ganoon kaganda ang lasa. Or should I say, it doesn't taste like chicken but coal. 

Dismayado kong binaba ang tinidor na hawak at dali-dali ang pag-inom ng tubig upang mawala ang pait. Naubos ko ang isang baso ngunit kumakapit pa rin sa dila ko ang lasa. I gave up trying and sighed.

Amanda told me straight that the food I cook was unbearable and how I was able to eat it with a straight face. I don't know if I am only a bad cook or I am also a bad taster but the flavor of coal was definitely not my type.

Hindi naman ako nakakapag-grocery madalas dahil hindi ako nakakapaglaan ng oras para roon ngunit noong isang aras ay dumaan ako sa supermarket. I prepared stock worth a week, it was too late to realize that I do not know how to cook. I can probably get a hold of it if I am following instructions from the cook book but how it would taste would be questionable…
Hindi ko alam ang gagawin sa manok na sunog. I feel bad to just throw it away after failing. It's still food and many were having troubles just so they could eat.