The Heart of a Soul

Chapter 10

It was already the day when we have to present and I have to use all my energy to ignore what was trying to pass in front of my eyes.

Nasa kabilang banda ako ng visual aid namin para sa parte ko sa reporting. Doble ang kaba ko dahil bukod sa kabang nararamdaman na baka magkamali sa sinasabi ay kahati ng atensyon ko ang dalawang taong nasa kabilang banda ko.

Tahimik si Amanda at sumisilip sa printout na dala. She will be speaking after I am done so she was trying to trace where I will stop. We already have our practice presentation the second time we met but Amanda was looking out in case I would be in trouble. Ganoon naman parati lalo na kapag magkagrupo kami o kapag magkapares kami sa isang activity. She would always look out for me. Alam niya ang kabang pumupuno sa akin sa mga ganitong sitwasyon. I always get anxious around people whose attention pinned on me. I was wondering what bad things they might see under my masks. She probably doesn't know I was thinking too much about it but she was always prepared to back me up.

I appreciate it however I am certain despite trembling right now, I will not mess this up. Hindi gayoong tutok si Noah sa akin habang nagsasalita ako. His face was blank but I took the message differently. He was definitely waiting for me to mess up so he could reprimand me wordlessly, with his piercing eyes! Mukha mang hindi interesado si Noah sa mga bagay-bagay ngunit hindi siya pabaya sa kaniyang pag-aaral. He was surprisingly studious and serious about his studies! Compared to Amanda, he was two times serious and strict. Sometimes, I can even see the resemblance.

Sa mga tao lang naman siya hindi interesado.

My part ended with silence. Kahit gaano naman kaganda ang presentation ko, iilan lang naman ang itutuon nang buo ang atensyon sa klase. That was why I gave up trying so hard back then. What's the use of trying so hard about something that most people don't even give their one percent to? And not even one percent of compliments for those who tries hard. People might think that I am solely driven by compliments and praises to work hard but isn't it also important? Some people were working hard for other people but don't even get the appreciation they deserve.

I only put my one hundred and more percent in writing where I won't need other people's eyes and lip-service. The words I put together when writing were compliments to the writer itself. It was satisfying, painful and any other feelings one cannot easily gain while working hard. You only get one or two feelings including the dreadfulness while I can become more of a human while writing.

Iyon nga lang pati iyon ay kailangan pang ipagkait sa akin ng magaling kong ina.

It was so hard to get the feelings I longed for, why was it so easy to feel anger towards anything that anchored us towards the things that we reached our hands to?

Naningkit ang mata ni Amanda at saglit siyang nahinto sa pagsasalita. Our teacher shifted on her seat with a raised eyebrow. Amanda was oblivious about the tension though and shrugged the agonizing silence. Binaliktad niya pa ang papel niya bago siya lumapit kay Noah.

"What is it?" I heard Noah's silent voice.

"Kulang ang printout na 'to. Hindi kumpleto ang sequence ko."

Tumingkayad siya nang kaunti para maabot ang tangkad ni Noah. She leaned a bit closer to him. Nakahawak ang kaniyang kamay sa balikat ni Noah para tumukod dito. Noah did not react against it and seemed to not mind it either. Sinuyod niya lang ang papel bago may itinuro sa bandang likuran, nahanap na marahil ang parte ni Amanda.