All of Me (Sebastian Vettel)

7. Alyssa's Story

A/N:  Trigger warning ⚠️ Domestic Abuse.

October 2003

Dear Diary,

I want my Daddy.  I hate it here.  I don't understand what anyone's saying and Karl is always shouting at us.  Mum says he's just stressed, but I know it's more than that.  He hits Mum, and he hits Sisi too.  I hear her crying at nighttime.  I want to go to her, to comfort her, but I'm too scared.  I'm not even ten yet but even I know what he does is wrong.  I don't know how Mum can defend him like she does. She's supposed to protect us. I wish... there's no point wishing. Wishes never come true.

Dear Diary,

Sisi has a boyfriend.  It's so good to see her happy.  He's called Sebastian,  and he's a racing driver.   She brought him around one day when Karl was at work and Mum was God knows where.  Sebastian is so nice!  And he's so cute.  He has blonde hair and the most blue eyes I've ever seen. Sisi is so lucky.  He was really interested in talking to me and Joel, he asked us about school and our interests. I hope one day I meet someone like Sebastian, not someone ugly and evil like Karl.

Dear Diary,

Why doesn't Mum love us?   If she did she wouldn't treat us like this.  There's never any food.  All the money goes on drink and drugs.  I shouldn't even know what drugs are at my age.   Joel told me that Mum's sick.  He tells me that he'll always look after me.  I love him so much.  I really don't know what I'd do without him.  Sienna's hardly here anymore.  She's always at Seb's house.  I don't blame her. If she's not here Karl can't hurt her. She hasn't forgotten us though. Sometimes they take us out when Seb's not racing.  They make sure we have a decent meal.  I miss her so much, but I'm glad she's safe and happy.

November 2003

Dear Diary,

Happy birthday to me.  For my present I got my first beating from Karl.  Mum just stood there and watched.  She was probably glad that it wasn't her.  Sienna's officially left home now. She came one day and collected all her stuff.  She said Karl won't hurt us as we're young.  If we do what he says we'll be ok. She was wrong, but we agreed not to tell her. We want her to be happy, but she wouldn't be if she knew Karl was hurting us.

September 2004

Dear Diary,

I haven't written anything in so long.  Life is just too rubbish to write anything.  Karl regularly hits me and Joel now.  He makes sure he hits us where the bruises don't show.  We tell Sienna that everything's ok, we don't want to spoil her happiness.  At least we have each other.  That's how we survive. 

May 2005

Dear Diary,

It's getting worse.  Mum and Karl are always stoned or drunk.  Stoned is ok.  We still don't get food often but at least Karl is too out of it to bother about us.  Drunk is bad.  When he's drunk he takes it out on us. 

Last weekend was good.  Seb was home and took me and Joel to get pizza.  Sienna wasn't feeling very well so it was just us and Seb.  He is amazing.   I hope Sienna appreciates how lucky she is.  He is so handsome.  His eyes are so beautiful.  His lips so kissable. 

One day I hope a boy kisses me.  I hope someone loves me the way Seb loves Sisi.

August 2005

Dear Diary,

I feel like the worst sister in the world.  I was so hungry.  I hadn't been allowed food for two days so I snuck a piece of pork pie out of the fridge.  It didn't take Karl long to find out it had gone.  And he blamed Joel.  Joel knew it was me but he took the blame.  Karl punched him in the face. This bruise would show.  I cried out and told the truth.  That's when Karl kicked me hard.