All of Me (Sebastian Vettel)

31. Time To Say Goodbye

With each day that passed Seb felt his heart breaking a little bit more. He'd tried calling Alyssa, had texted her several times too, but she wasn't answering. In the end he'd resorted to calling Joel to see how she was doing. Joel had told him that she was coping as well as could be expected in the circumstances.

Seb couldn't stop wondering why she wasn't answering him. Deep down he knew he couldn't really blame her. He'd not been there when she'd really needed him. He'd thought that maybe she'd understand the predicament he was in, but he guessed he'd been hoping for too much.

He'd returned home after two nights staying at Sienna's. She had been coping better and he'd just wanted to go back to his own house, but when he'd got there it had seemed so quiet and soulless without Alyssa.

He'd been on the verge of going around to Joel's house and demanding to see her, but he didn't want to upset her anymore than he already had. Maybe when she'd had space and time to think she'd message him back.

He just missed her so much. Not just the kisses and cuddles, but her smile and finding her curled up in the games room watching Harry Potter. He loved every single thing about her, and he couldn't bear thinking about life without her. She had to come back! She just had to.

Maybe at Silverstone he would be able to talk to her. He needed to try and make things right. He'd thought and thought about how he could prove to her that she meant more to him than Sienna did. He just didn't have an answer, not one that would avoid hurting one of the sisters. 

Finally it was time for Silverstone. However when he arrived on the Thursday for media day Alyssa was nowhere to be seen.

He asked Lynn where she was and had been told that she wasn't working that weekend, she was off on compassionate leave. Mikey had then told him Joel wasn't in either.

He felt worried and frustrated. Worried that she wasn't dealing with things as well as Joel had led him to believe, and frustrated because he just wanted to see her, to hold her and to kiss her and tell her how sorry he was.

He guessed he'd just have to wait until the day after the race.  Bob's funeral was being held then, and he'd promised Sienna he would attend with her.

Race day came around.  It was also his thirty fifth birthday. He'd been hoping to spend some of it with Alyssa, but now that wouldn't be happening. At least he wouldn't be totally alone though, his parents were over from Germany for the race and his birthday.

They'd been staying with him since the Sunday before. It had been good to see them. They'd also spent some quality time with the girls.

After the race they would be having a birthday dinner with Seb at a nearby Italian restaurant, before travelling down to the airport, where they were staying in a hotel for the night before flying home first thing on the Monday morning.

The whole weekend ended up a disappointment for Seb.   He'd had an issue during Q2 that had prevented him progressing any further, and he had ended up fourteenth on the grid. The race hadn't  gone much better, but he managed to move up to ninth, scoring just two points.  His head just hadn't been there.  He'd been unable to stop thinking about Alyssa.

After the race he went through the motions in the post race interviews, and the debrief, getting through them as quickly as he could.  Finally done, he headed to his driver room to shower and get changed for dinner. 

He turned the shower onto its coldest setting.   It was a hot day and he was so stick and sweaty. He stood under the water for several minutes with his eyes closed.   He didn't want to got to dinner with his parents.  He wanted to go to Alyssa, to hold her in his arms.  He hadn't seen her or heard from her in twelve days, and it was killing him.