I'm still standing

37

"Are you okay now?" Meredith asked Ellis as they were lying on the couch

"Yeah.. babies are just kicking my ribs" Ellis giggled

"Can I?" Meredith asked

Ellis smiled and grabbed her mother's hand before placing it softly on her own stomach

"Oh" Meredith gasped as she felt the babies kicking her hand. Derek was slightly concerned this would have hurt but Meredith's hand seemed to relax for the first time in a while

"I'm very sure this was our baby girl" Ellis smiled

"She's strong" Meredith smiled as she buried her head deeper into Derek's chest

"She for sure is" Ellis giggled "They can't wait to meet their Nana" Ellis smiled

"Yeah" Meredith slowly whispered

"Tired?" Derek asked her

"Hmm" She groaned as she closed her eyes from her spot in between Derek's legs

"Sleep" He whispered and waited until she fell asleep before wrapping his arms tighter around her

"Dad, you need to let her take this decision" Ellis whispered

"Ellie.." Derek sighed

"Mom doesn't wanna leave us dad but she's in pain" Ellis grabbed his hand

"I know and I do support her but-"

"You don't know what to do when she's gone.." Ellis took over

"Yeah.. I can't imagine breathing without her" Derek whispered as a tear streamed down her face

"I know dad" Ellis placed his hand on her stomach "But you'll have all of us forever"

"Thanks" He whispered and they sat in a comfortable silence for a bit until Meredith started stirring and he felt her stiffen up in his arms

"Hey sleepyhead" He whispered as she opened her eyes

"Med-s" She forced out

"I'll go grab them" Ellis said

"Ellie, you need to take it easy" Derek said

"Dad.." She laughed and grabbed Meredith's meds

"Shh" Derek whispered as he felt her body cramping even tighter "Ellis, can you grab some morphine?"

"Kay dad!" She yelled from the kitchen

"Make it sss-" Meredith started struggling to talk

"Ellie!" Derek yelled

"I'm here" She walked quickly into the room and her heart broke as she looked at her mother

Derek quickly injected the meds but Meredith's body barely relaxed

Ellis quickly grabbed her mother's hand and placed it on her big stomach

"Bbb-" Meredith slurred as her eyes closed

"Dad?" Ellis panicked "What was that?"

"It's okay Ellie. It's probably because she's tired" Derek told his daughter but he knew better. Meredith's MS was taking over her ability to talk

He wrapped his arms around his wife as he knew it could be over at any time so he wanted to enjoy every moment. He knew he should carry her to their bedroom, just in case her speech was slurred again that it wouldn't worry his children

"I'm gonna bring mom to bed" He told Ellis

"Okay dad" Ellis smiled "Do you wanna watch a movie together?"

"I think I'll lay down with her for a bit" He softly smiled and scooped up his wife and carried her to their own bedroom where she woke up again

"Derrr" She slurred

"I know" He sighed

"O-okay" She whispered "t-tired"

"Go to bed honey. Maybe it gets a bit better when you're less exhausted" He kissed her forehead as she looked at him in fear before her eyes closed

Derek had waited for hours. Meredith was still asleep but he just couldn't. He barely could move as he kept thinking about how slurred her speech was

"Dad?" Ellis slowly entered the room "Are you okay? I was knocking but-"

"We're okay" He softly smiled as Meredith started to stir

'Not now, not now' He thought

"Hi mom" Ellis smiled as Meredith opened her eyes

"Hi b-baby" Meredith softly smiled

Ellis tried to shrug off her concerns, that much was clear to Derek

"We'll be there in a bit. I'll bathe her first" Derek tried to assure his daughter

"Nena is back from work. She asked if taco's are good for dinner"

"Perfect honey" Derek smiled and Meredith gave her daughter an assurance smile

Ellis closed the door and Derek started to try and talk to Meredith but she was faster than him

"I-it's the MS" She looked at him

"Mer.." He sighed

"S-sorry" She whispered "Kiss me"

Derek kissed Meredith's soft lips kept kissing her

"I l-love you, D-Derek Shepherd" Meredith smiled

"I love you, Meredith Grey" He smiled as he kissed her forehead again

"D-Der?" Meredith whispered

"What's wrong?" He frowned as he started hoovering

"Hmm" She groaned "I love our kids and g-grandkids so much" She whispered

"I know Meredith" Derek's voice cracked before he took a look at her 

His heart broke seeing his wife like this for the past years and there was nothing he could do