Something eternal about us

Crashing Souls

Looking down at him, he lays on my legs on his stomach.

His eyes closed and fluttered when I ran my fingers through his sloppy hair.

I looked out the window and remembered when my Grandma told me how my parents died. I was too young to remember, so I say I never knew them.

I remember how I turned off my emotions and let my face fall. How my body was so painfully tense. I remember her look... The look you get when something bad happened to you.

To this day I still can't admit to myself what that did to me. How them dying, killed me.

It's like I have no feelings but there's still that dull ache that has me clenching my chest and sobbing. Except I don't cry.

I'm just there. With that feeling, that bittersweet feeling. Sometimes I want it to stop so I can breathe, then I get scared when it doesn't hurt.

The only way I can describe it as is a grey cold wet day. Rain and thunderstorms around your mind as your chest freezes like the Atlantic.

Then your cheek stings up into your vision making you cry. The only noise you make is when you sniffle. You wipe your tears quietly with loud sniffles.

Then you go back in front of family with stained red cheeks and eyes. If they ask what's wrong you usually say, "oh... Nothing." Then smile that fake smile they buy.

Or maybe they just don't care. That's how it feels.

Sometimes it's just uncontrollable anger.

Laughter.

Laughter with tears. Now that's my favorite. That's how I know I've had enough. That's how I know it hurts.

I wonder if they know what pain they have caused me. What kind of parents would they have been?

Would my mother give me the talk about becoming a woman? Would my father give me the no boys until 30 talks?

Making myself chuckle I can't imagine it. And that made it hurt worse.

But looking down on my beautiful soulmate I find that I'm no longer angry or sad. I'm at peace.

I place a kiss at his temple and think...

Maybe you won't hurt me as they did.

As I sink deeper and deeper into him, I feel him hug me back. His endless rivers of love and understanding have me on my toes.

Oh, how souls could crash into something so gorgeous is beyond me.