Randomly (SakuAtsu)

8

I went to my bedroom to rest and reflect...

I sat on the bed.

"I needed to wash these beddings. It isn't safe to keep these since a badly wounded person used it...." I sighed.

I just found myself curled up with the blanket and the pillow. I sniffed it and felt Atsumu's scent... It's a calming one...

This feeling is so new and unknown... yet it's comforting... I am scared of it... but I don't want to let go of it.

Komori said I am pansexual... But I am certain that I am not!

Or

Am

I

Just

in denial?

~
It has been five days already... The
weekend came without me knowing.

My bedroom seems so empty... Everytime I sit in the swivel chair and try to study or write anything on my desk, my attention will always fall in the bed where he laid down for few days.

I have his number... but I don't have the courage to text or call him... I didn't give him my contact since I am not particularly friendly with anyone ...

And I think I regret that...

I am so worried about him that I can't focus on anything at all...

I stayed at home for the weekend and ended up cleaning the house for the nth time today.

Komori dropped by just to laugh at me telling me that I am obviously in love....

Do I really fall for Atsumu? I mean... No... That can't be... I am a guy... he is... hmmmm.... also a guy...

I brush away the thought everytime it would hit my mind... But every second I would remember him....

I also dreamt of him- the first time we met... that terrible experience... that brings nightmares to me every night.

I don't have the courage to see him or visit him so I just pass by his apartment and glance at the building... Then go home afterwards...

I am pathetic....

~
Monday

I went home from school, just to see him curled up in my porch... His face buried in his knees as he sat down trembling badly.

I can't be wrong... his blond hair is shining brightly through the setting sun... For certain I could feel it was him...

"A...Atsu..Atsumu?"

He lifted his head and I saw his face again.... covered in terror and tears...

I quickly run towards him, knelt down and hugged him.... I unconsciously did this and when I realized what I am doing, he is hugging me back.

He is sobbing and I could feel the pain in each of his words.
"They... find... They... find ... my apartment... Omi... Please... I'm... I'm... scared...."

I helped him stand and put my left arm over his shoulder as we entered my house.

He sat down on the couch as I put my stuffs away... I brought him some food and drinks but he is uninterested on those as his eyes are glued to the tiled floor.

I held his right hand. He looked at me... His eyes are lifeless and dull...

I squeezed his cold hand and moved closer and he leaned his head into my shoulder.

I cupped his cheek with my free hand and caressed his face softly... His eyes are now staring at me... eyes which I couldn't read or understand... but I don't want him to look away... I want him to just gaze at me the way I do as well...

I just find myself kissing him... kissing his soft lips, and feeling his beating heart as my right hand travelled into his chest.

I break the kiss and saw tears rolling down his cheeks.

"O.. Omi... Why did.. Why did you...?"

I could feel my hands shaking....

Why did I kiss him?