Elegant Affair

III.V

"An Ong? An Ong, Lavender? Have you lost your mind? Have you forgotten how your grandmother took care of your grandfather who had a stroke because of that damn family? How she was restlessly paying all the debts after because of that greedy family?"

"He's not his grandfather and he's also not my boyfriend, Papa. Our child will carry my surname. We'll raise the kid but we're still not together." Nanginginig ang kamay ko but I tried not to show I'm scared. My strategy was to act like I got my shit together, hoping they'd believe it.

"Did you not just heard me?! Wala ka na bang respeto sa pamilyang ito at talagang- Get your shit together! Never ever let me see that man! You may be shameless enough but please don't show up with him and don't ever bring up this topic to your grandmother or else- I swear to God, you'll never have the chance to call us your family again, you and your child."

"Hello? Lavender? Are you still there?"

Matteo is requesting a video call...

Hindi agad ako makasagot agad as I tried to supress my sobs. When I can't stop myself, I put him on mute for a second and cried.

"Love? Is everything okay?"

Huminga ako ng malalim before pressing the unmute button.

"I'm sorry. I just had to talk to someone real quick." I wanted to end the call as soon as possible so he wouldn't hear me trying to hide my voice shaking. "Everything's fine here but a little busy lang. We just had a problem with a mid-rise building, the one I told you about, my first project here. May kailangan lang ayusin regarding schedule."

I was talking about work hoping it would distract both of us. Soon, I'd tell him I already told my parents about us, about my plans, about the baby. One thing I can't tell him is how I'm feeling with their reaction.

I've seen it coming. It was such a predictable reaction but I was still hurt. Papa just picked the right words to make me feel this way. I'm disappointed with myself because I realized how foolish this arrangement was and how complicated things would be. Mabuti sana kung kami lang ni Matteo, but a kid... how are we supposed to deal with this? What if I ruin someone's life? My own child's life?

"Would it be better if-" if I just leave here? If I just go with that thought of living abroad? To raise the kid somewhere else? I wanted to say but even with our set-up, I still don't think there's a need to ask him that. "if you just go home on Esme and Gio's wedding?" Bigla ko na lang natanong.

It's still two months away... and maybe we need that time away from each other.

"We'll both be busy anyway and you can't even stay here longer than two days. I'm just thinking if it would be easier if you stay there."

"I know something's not okay, Lav and honestly, it frustrates me that I'm away and I can't ask in person why. So no, it doesn't make things easier but if that's what you want-" He sighed. "Let's... let's just talk later."

***

"Oh?"

"Can I sleep here tonight?"

I was already in my pajamas, ready to sleep early but I can't. My last conversation with Matteo was bothering me. That was too impulsive. I shouldn't have told him that. I know he wants to take a part in this, to play the role right... as much as possible but I was too insensitive to ask him to stay away. Ngayon naman, I'm too proud to take back what I said.

So I just drove to Esme and Gio's house. I need someone to talk me some senses.

"Milk?"

"Thank you. Kanina pa ako hindi makatulog."

"May problema ba?"

"Hormones... I guess." Esme nodded along pero mukhang hindi naman siya naniwala. "Also a bit stressed. I just had a talk with my parents. I told them the situation and I'm just... stressed. Kahit pala inaasahan, mai-istress ka pa rin."

"Did you tell Matteo about this?"

It's weird hearing this from her. I felt a bit apologetic for my friends. I know we shouldn't have messed up the dynamics and now, things are a bit complicated because of me and Matteo. I can't even describe how shocked they were when Matteo and I told them the short version of how we ended up in this scenario.

They were confused, they didn't understand. Kaya nga all this time, we were mum about us because no one would understand- not even us.

"Not yet but we were already expecting this type of reaction. Our families aren't exactly best of friends, as you know."

"I know I asked this before and you already answered... but for clarity because I have yet to wrap my head around this... are you and Matteo really not together?"

"We're not," I answered almost immediately. It's the easiest question there is to ask. "And we'll never be."

"Now that I realize... you were never in a serious relationship. Matteo never dated anyone seriously either. And you're telling me you were... how do you say this, uhm, those times, you were together- but not together-together. Do you get my point?"

Gusto kong matawa sa reaksyon ni Esme. She's trying to make me understand something she doesn't get.

"No." I feel like my mood is a little light now that I'm talking to her. It's really nice to have a best friend. "but I do get where you're going. But no, it's not going to happen."

"Why not? You guys are perfect for each other!"

Napatawa na nga ako ng tuluyan. "You didn't even notice us sneaking for the past years. Then you're telling me now we're perfect for each other? You know Matteo. I know Matteo and I know myself. It's just not happening."

"Now that we're talking about this. Teka lang... Matteo is the guy in your room before? You sneaky little..."

I didn't want to answer but it's already so obvious so I just nodded.

"When did it even start? Oh god, was it in college?"

"No!" We became close friends in sophomore years and that's already eight years ago. That's too long! Then I remembered something. Hindi ko alam kung sasabihin ko ba o hindi but Esme was all eyes and ears on me. It's hard not to gossip. All these years, we've been sneaking and suddenly, I felt like I could finally talk about our escapades. "We may have made out during those times but it was just drunk flirting."

"Wow... I felt so betrayed that I didn't notice all this time."

"We're just your cliché friends turned to fuck buddies. There's nothing to notice."

"Sleepy-head." I think I'm hearing Matteo's voice. Feeling half-asleep, I thought I was just dreaming until I hear someone's hand on my stomach. "Hello, Bay-pea. I don't think I should call you that anymore. You're bigger than the last time I saw you."

"I think so too."

"Kanina ka pa gising?"

"I've been awake since you started talking to your kid... like some fool."

"Ha!" He covered my tummy protectively, like as if it's doing anything. May our kid not inherit his weird side, hiling ko na lang. "It could be too early but babies inside the womb can hear sounds. It's too early now but who knows?"

"It's a good thing that the baby can't hear you yet then." I teased, even more, enjoying how he looks too overprotective. "Why are you even here? Wala ka namang sinabing uuwi ka?" Pag-iiba ko na lang ng usapan.

"Esme told me you weren't feeling okay last night."

"So? Malaki na ako Matteo. I can handle myself and this child inside me. You can't just fly here every time I'm not okay."

Biglang nag-iba ang mukha niya, far from the playful Matteo that I saw when I woke up. Nagsusukatan lang kami ng tingin.

"You're underestimating the things I'm willing to do, Love."