Elegant Affair

IV.VI

"Kanina  ka pa tahimik?"

The three of us were eating dinner but my mind was still on that ring Ella found. I was out of words, I can't even describe what I feel pero buti na lang ay nakausap ko pa si Ella tungkol dun. I told her that she shouldn't have meddled with her Daddy's stuff even if she assumed that that ring was mine. I usually don't make a big deal if she plays with my things but what happened was a different story, a part of a story that I wish I wouldn't have to deal with.

"Nothing. I'm just tired."

His lingering look sensed it wasn't just nothing but we can't fight or talk about issues in front of the kid lalo na at nasa hapag-kainan kami. So we stayed silent and ate, while I think of that diamond ring. Oh, I know it was diamond even when I was panicking that Matteo would arrive anytime soon.

"Lavender." 

We're in the same room, lying in the same bed. And here I am thinking if he's seeing another woman. Why would he have that ring? Why would he buy something that expensive for someone? It obviously isn't just a gift.

I didn't know if I should pretend I'm sleeping or if I should answer him because I'm not sure about what to tell him or ask him. I don't know what he's planning.

"Are you sleeping?" Tanong niya ulit.

I didn't move. Should I answer him? In the end, I shifted so I could face Matteo. "Not yet."

"What's the problem?" Diretso niyang tanong.

There's no problem. None at all. Everything was almost perfect. I'm sure we have flaws and problems but I didn't mind. I didn't even notice because we were great. But even after the several years we spent together since we met, this is a ridiculous amount of change in a short period of time.

But I don't know how to tell him... I don't even know if I should tell him that we should slow down or just stop.

"Nothing." I gave him the same answer. It was obviously a lie but it would be better than having some serious discussion right now because even if everything's great at where we are, it's a really confusing place.

***

"Magkaibigan nga sila ni Gio." Esme said after I told her about the ring. Tumambay muna ako sandali sa kanila pagkatapos sunduin si Ella. I just told Matteo we'd pass by Esme's house.

"Huh?"

"Remember when he was about to propose and I found out about the ring?"

I immediately shook my head. "No, no. It's different." Quickly denying what she's implying. It's not for me. I'm sure it's not for me.

"Ano namang pinagkaiba?"

"Well, for starters, you were in a relationship."

"Duh, you live together."

"Temporarily."

"Nobody thinks so, Lav... even yourself. You know it. Do you seriously think he's with another woman?"

The image of the ring flashed in my head again. And I remember what ran inside my head during that time. It was just a simple Wow, what a beautiful ring.

Did I think it was for another woman? Not immediately. But it is a possibility. Hindi ko naman pinapake-alaman ang parte na iyan ng buhay niya. He could be dating someone. Ewan.

"I think it's clear. Kasing clear ng crystal sa diamond ng singsing na nakita mo, who is the rightful owner of that one. Why are you denying it? You're more than what you both think you are."

"If it's mine then, why didn't he give it? If we're more than... what? Friends? Then why is nothing happening? Love is great, Esme. In fact, I'm open to the idea of marrying someone, someday. But is that Matteo? I don't think so because it's been so long and nothing has changed, no one fell in love or something like that. If it's for me, I don't think it's for the reason that you're thinking and you know what? I'll ask him. Today."

Even if impatient, I tried to be calm while seating in the living area, right beside a table where I put my coffee. Hindi daw siya makakauwi ng maaga and I can't sleep with these thoughts. Alam kong hanggang panaginip, I'd think of it.

So when the door opened and Matteo came in, I was a bit nervous and relieved.

"Hi. Kumain ka na?"

"Yeah, we had a business dinner tonight. Ikaw? Kumain ka na? Why are you still awake? It's almost two."

"Can't sleep."

He smiled smugly. "Nasanay ka na sigurong katabi ako."

I followed him to the room. I didn't want to answer because I think it's true. I think I'm getting used to this.

"I need to ask you something." Diretsong sabi ko. It would be best to get all this over.

"Sure, what is it?"

"Are you dating someone?"

Saglit siyang natigilan. His polo was halfway done with unbuttoning. He seemed surprised by my sudden interest in his love life.

"I know it's your personal life. Hindi dapat ako basta-bastang nagtatanong. But as friends, I'm geniunely curious." Hindi siya sumagot at patuloy lang na naglalakad-lakad sa paligid ng kwarto.

Hindi siya sumagot but there was a change in his expression. Is he angry? Or what? Is he offended by my question?

"Hey." Tawag ko sa kaniya. "It's just that I saw Ella holding someone's ring. Nakuha niya siguro sa gamit mo. And I'm sorry if it's intrusive of me to ask but I just wanted to know if you're dating someone, so I could prepare beforehand."

"Prepare beforehand?" Balik niya sa akin. This time, his tone was lower and he's even scarier with how serious he's looking at me. He sighed, obviously getting frustrated. "I- It wasn't- Why are you- fuck, this is so frustrating. I just literally asked you to live with me permanently weeks ago, Lav. Do you really think I'm dating another woman?"

"The hell would I know? And why would I even ask? You can do anything you want-"

"Stop saying that. I'm not sure how you could say it to me because I can never say that to you. You can do anything you want as long as you're with me. In that case, I can say it back to you."

He's being cheesy... all-out. I can't believe I'm hearing this from him. What's even more unbelievable is how my body reacts to his words, how excited and nervous and maybe a little dizzy I got.

"What are you saying?" I need more information. He can't just say those cheesy words and still leave my questions unanswered. What is he planning to do?

"The ring Ella found was an engagement ring, Lav. And as if it's not obvious enough, it's for you."