Elegant Affair

IV.V

It was a successful event. No one shot no one. All in all, Ella's birthday turned out well. Except for that fucker Matteo who blurts out things out of the blue. Seriously, where was that from? How did he even think of that?

"Are you thinking about it?" We were riding his car. Ella was sleeping peacefully in the back seat.

Parang may parte sa akin na nagtatampo. I don't even know why. I guess I just don't know how he ended up to that conclusion. Us? In one house? And what if one day, he decides to get himself a wife? Aalis lang kami ng anak niya na parang free trial lang ang ganung set-up? No. Just fucking no.

"I shouldn't be. Ni hindi ko dapat kinukunsidara iyon. It's too much, Matteo. I mean... Why would we even live under the same roof? We're fine at where we are now. In the same building but we still have that boundary. But if you decide to live there on your own, I'm sure we can come up with some sort of an arrangement."

Hindi siya magsalita ulit hanggang sa makarating na kami sa unit. Is he pissed off? Did I say something that might have offended him? Maybe I overreacted a bit but that's only because I have Ella on my top priority. And I just don't want to make any stupid decision that may affect her.

He still wasn't talking to me. He even insisted on tucking her in alone. That I should take a rest daw muna. Is he seriously that pissed off?

After changing to my nightgown, Matteo was still inside Ella's room. I took a peak of what he was doing there and he was fixing the toys on the floor. Kaya pala palaging maayos ang kwarto ni Ella. I just assumed it was Jen who does that pero sa umaga niya kasi iyon ginagawa.

My eyes landed on that old vinyl player he gave me. From time to time, I play some music. Especially when I'm alone with Ella. It surprisingly eases the tension and pain in my body and calms my nerves. I played his favorite piece.

Hindi nagtagal ay lumabas na din siya ng kwarto ni Ella. Our eyes met. I wanted to say I'm sorry if the words that came out of my mouth were insensitive but I couldn't say it. I feel like he wanted to tell me something but he's just silent.

"Will you sleep here tonight?" I casually said. Trying to act like he didn't say something that big. Can he really blame me if I said he's out of his mind?

"Not tonight, Lav."

"Galit ka ba?"

"At you? No."

He's being so cryptic and I hate reading between the lines. He needs to mean what he says and say what he means. "Then why are you being like... that?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Like not yourself?" I said. And I didn't just mean tonight. He's been really weird lately. I can't explain it because he's still the same. He's still Matteo but he's almost unpredictable.

"Wouldn't it be better if we all stay together? Us three? In the same home?" Imbes ang saguting ako ay iyon ang sinabi niya.

He must be really serious.

"Okay." Sabi niya nang hindi pa rin ako sumasagot. "Can we live there for a month?"

He's being weird again. Ano ba ang gusto niyang mangyari? Or am I the one who is overthinking?

Sure, it would be convenient and it would make things easy. And Ella will love it for sure. But we are not that. We are not a couple. This arrangement was not supposed to last this long but deep inside, I know it will end. Maybe when Matteo meets someone he loves, enough to make him think of marriage. But what about me and Ella?

I can't live thinking that way.

"Just a month, Love. Just one month."

"Okay."

But fine. Just a month.

"I think this is weird. It's weird, right?" I'm almost home. Okay, maybe I shouldn't be calling it home when it's only temporary.

"No. It's actually not."

"We're living in the same house, Esme. Even if that's just for a month, it still feels... unnatural."

I needed help because I can't figure out what my own mind is thinking or feeling. Even with that, I'm confused.

"That what? That you feel comfortable living there after a week? You said it yourself, it felt like home already."

"It shouldn't be."

"Too bad babe, it already is." She sighed. "Don't overthink for now, Lav. Ask what Matteo wants. Don't guess. And know what you want. Don't jump to conclusions. Don't panic just because you're comfortable. Because when you try to listen to your worries, it's actually not a bad thing. Just sort things out. And do it with Matteo."

I stayed at the garage for a few minutes. I was just gathering my thoughts and probably questioning my decision... why I'm going home to Matteo's home. I went here expecting I'd hate it but I didn't. I loved it here. I just... And I couldn't bring myself to say that out loud.

"Jen? Where's Ella?"

"Nasa kwarto niyo po ni Sir Matteo."

Kwarto niyo. I wanted to correct her. Nanayo nga ata ang balahibo ko because it sounds weird. Bakit ba kasi ako pumayag na sa iisang kwarto lang kami matulog. Maybe he's too good at trying to control this situation. This whole thing was his idea, something I never thought I'd agree to.

I liked sleeping beside him. It's more than just sleeping with him. Not that it's not great. But I really liked sleeping beside him. All these years, he's always away. Then we had a child and it seemed like we barely talk. But sharing a room with him was an instant solution to those things. I can hug him, smell him, kiss him, and talk to him. It wasn't much but it's something that I've missed for so long. I thought I'd just take advantage.

I finally decided. To talk to Matteo and clarify our boundaries. Maybe we're wrapped around each other for too long that we already forgot about the world outside us. It's final. We should end things before we ruin each other or one ruins the other. We have a kid, we need to co-parent. Whatever the situation would be, we need to be friends.

"Hi, Mommy!"

The smile on my face was almost automatic. Even if her face was full of smudged lipsticks and bold eyeshadows.

This kid, really. Pero di ko naman magawang magalit kasi nagpapa-cute na naman. She was scrunching her nose, her eyes was smiling with her lips. At times like this, she resembles Matteo.

I got some cleansing wipes and started to clean her face. "Punas after dinner, okay?"

She nodded. "Will Daddy be home for dinner?"

She's calling this place home already.

Tumango na lang ako. Uuwi na din naman iyon later at sabay naman kaming kakain.

"What's this?" There's something in her fist kaya naman pinabuka ko iyon.

"I found it here, Mommy."

What... Where did Ella get this ring that is not mine?