Elegant Affair

IV.VII

Thank you all for reading EA. This is the last chapter. The next chapter will be the Epilogue and will be posted on Monday. 

***

I locked the door to make sure Ella wouldn't see us.

"You're fucking proposing? You really are out of your mind." He's proposing? To me? "You really expect me to believe this?"

"I wasn't expecting anything, Lav."

I'm screaming and maybe, I'm about to cry and opposite to me was Matteo's firmness. But I know he isn't calm. I saw how he clenched his jaw while I was screaming. How his eyes wanted to speak back at me too.

"I just had a realization that I was really out of my mind these past years because if I did, it would save us from all this trouble."

"Trouble na pala kami ngayon."

"You know that's not what I mean."

I knew but I don't know what he means. I don't know what's that sudden realization and I don't intend to know.

Mali nga siguro na pumayag ako na tumira dito. I went to grab a blanket and a pillow. I'll just make up an excuse, a child friendly excuse to Ella kung bakit kailangan naming umalis sa bahay ni Matteo.

"I don't know what you're talking about but this needs to stop-"

"I need you to listen, Lav. Please," he begged which made me stop in my tracks. Matteo is begging. Hindi ako makapaniwala. "It's never official but we've been together for so long I lost count already. We have a daughter. We live under the same roof, damn, we sleep on the same bed... You kept on insisting I'm dating other women but that never happened. And cliché as this may sound, I only want you. I love the life I have with you and Ella. And I'm really looking forward to our future... Together. And every day, since I realized I don't just want this- I need this, I pray that you'd want the same thing too. The uncertainty is torturing me, because I'm really certain about you, about us."

I never thought about this. Everything he said that bothered him never bothered me at all. Pero dahil siguro sa hindi ko naman naisip ang mga iyon. Because like Matteo, I was certain about us. I was secured with our family. Sometimes, the idea of him with another woman would pop in my head but I was always sure he'd always be there and I thought that was enough. But I guess, I'm wrong.

I've always seen it in movies but something inside me stirred when he kneeled on one knee. He grabbed something from his pocket. Bakit nasa bulsa niya iyon? Did he really plan on proposing today?

I had a closer look at the ring. It had a huge diamond and now that I can see it closer, I can also see a clearer view of the color. It was lavender... It was really for me.

"Love, what we have has been proven and tested. We faced all sorts of things together and you can say it's greedy of me to want more but I want more. Just a little more. Let's be together. Marry me, Lavender."

I know that it should be a no. This is not what we planned. We have known each other for so long and I've programmed myself to never even consider this scenario in my imagination or even my dreams.

So I should say no.

No. It's just one word, one syllable. It's really easy to say but I can't. I don't want to.

"But we just fought..." I said while crying. How can he propose after we just had a fight? It was so not romantic. It's probably a sign that we're heading in the wrong direction, that we've always been.

"It's what we do, Love. We fight, we make up. We fight again, I concede," he paused. "or sometimes, really rarely, you do. It has always been like that but we're fine. We are better than fine."

I should say no. I opened my mouth but I couldn't say it still. I was just frozen.

Nanginginig na ang kamay ko, Lav. Ayaw kong magreklamo but I've been kneeling here for 20 minutes and unfortunately, I don't have the strongest knees... and I know because I've been nervously staring at my watch. Of course, I want an answer but it doesn't have to be now kung hindi ka pa sigurado. Keep this for now." He handed me the ring.

And I stared and stared at it.

"I need to pack my stuff. I'll give you all the time you need, Lavender. I'm confident there's no other answer but yes... so, please say it. Okay lang kahit hindi ngayong araw but I'm really hoping you'd say yes."

He went to pack his things in the walk-in closet at nanatili lang ako sa may kama. Hawak-hawak pa rin ang singsing.

"We're fine right?" I stared at the suitcase he's about to bring. I don't like it when he leaves after we have a misunderstanding. Hindi na naman ako mapapakali nito.

For both our peace of mind, I nodded. Okay naman talaga kami. Nothing really changed. It's just Matteo deciding to stir things up.

His phone rang and I think it's a business call with how serious he looked. Hindi ko naman marinig dahil lumayo siya ng kaunti. Kumunot ang noo niya but when he walked towards me, it was already gone. But it's obvious he's just pretending to be fine.

"I need to go now." He kissed my forehead and walked towards the door.

I was nervous for some reason.

Because I know before he'd leave, he'd look back. And I made sure to make him see. When he tilted his head and his eyes locked on mine to what was supposed to be the last glimpse before leaving. I made sure he'd see me put the ring on my finger.