jealousy jealousy

TWENTY EIGHT

The next morning I got up at 6am on a beautiful sunny Tuesday to go practice with George again. All this practice was like my escape from the world and I really needed that.

After a good 2 hours I got back home to take a shower. "How was your workout?" Lando asked as I placed my bag on my bed. "Intense but good." I said smiling at him.

"Why don't we go out for dinner tonight, it's been a while since it was only you and me." he said stepping closer."That's a great idea." I pecked his lips. "I'm gonna take a shower now so if you don't mind." I said turning on the shower. "Okay, I'm just gonna lay here on your bed." he smiled widely and I got in the shower.

I washed my hair and just as I got dressed I heard my phone ring. Lando picked it up and I didn't really care. I walked back in my room and lando was standing with the phone in his hand staring at me with no emotion.

"Who was it?" I asked walking to my mirror. He didn't say anything for a bit. "Uhh, it was Dr. Brown." my whole body froze and my eyes widened. I turned around facing him and he couldn't even look at me. "Lando please let me explain." I walked closer but he stepped backwards.

"Please tell me this is a fucking joke." I saw the tears building up in his eyes. "It's not." I was completely crushed, this whole time I was scared on how he would react.

"Your pregnant and you didn't tell me?" I could see he was confused and hurt. "I'm sorry I didn't know how, I was scared." I said pulling on my hair. "How long." he said and I pulled my eyebrows together. "How long have you known.."

"Since the first day of Greece." he sat down on my bed and I didn't know what to do. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me Ella." he looked up at me. "I was scared lando, I didn't know how you would react, what if you don't want it, what will I do, I can't raise a fucking child on my own." I said with tears falling down my cheeks.

"You have kept this from me for 3 weeks now, you thought it was better to push me away and make me think you hate me than to tell me the truth. I went to sleep every night thinking of you, of how I can make you feel better and this is what's actually been going on." he shook his head.

"I wanted to figure things out on my own first." I commented and sat down on the floor. "I'm your boyfriend, we're supposed to figure this out together but you still didn't think it would be a good idea to tell me, you kept me in the dark and for what, thinking it would be to hard to tell me, so you lied to my face everyday, only thinking about yourself, I need to make choices on my career and how we are gonna make this work." he stood up and walked out of my room.

" That's not fair, you don't have the right to tell me that, I'm scared out of my fucking mind, this is how I deal with things." he started laughing and I was really confused.
" Your so selfish, you didn't even think of how I would feel, how this would impact me, if you told me in the beginning I would've been there for you, find ways to make your life easier but instead.. " he stopped talking and walked out of my room.

"Lando wait, where are you going?" I ran after him. "Away from here, away from you." his words cut through my heart. "What the fuck does that mean." I threw my hands up in the air.

"You have no idea how I feel right now, you kept our child a secret, you hurt me bad Ella." he said and I could still see the tears on his face.

"And I'm sorry lando, I really am, I never meant for you to find out this way, I was scared you were gonna leave me."

"The fact that you think I'll ever leave because of a child is absurd, I fucking love you Ella but this, this is just..." he stopped speaking and rubbed his eyes.

"You love me?" I said crying even more. "Of course I do, you mean everything to me, I can't imagine how life would be without you but I need my space right now, you made me feel so unwanted, I don't wanna see you right now." I didn't know how to feel, he said he loved me but he doesn't want to see me.

We stood in the living room in silence."It was never my intention to make you feel this way, I want us to be happy no matter what, I want you in my life, but just know I was not selfish, I only thought of you." I said half broken. He didn't say anything and walked out to his car and drove off. I fell down on the floor crying drastically. Max came running down the stairs.

"What's wrong? What happened?" he asked holding me in his arms on the floor. I couldn't speak and I waited till I  calmed down. "Let's sit on the couch." he helped me up and we walked to it. "I'm pregnant." I said holding my face with both hands. He didn't reply but eventually he spoke up.

"Why did lando run off?" he asked. I was kind of glad he didn't also ask all the questions of how long have you known and stuff like that. "I didn't tell him and then my doctor called while I was in the shower and he answered. I was gonna tell him tonight but it all went sideways." I said wiping every tear away.

"He'll be back Ella, I know it, he's just in shock right now." he gave me a long hug. "Yeah I don't know, you didn't see the look on his face and the stuff he said, I hurt him badly." I pressed my lips together.

"I'm not supposed to say anything but he loves you, you know." through all the sadness, that words he spoke to me was patching my heart back together. "Yeah he told me before he ran off, but it makes it harder, it's an impossible situation, you know how his work is and all the baggage that comes with it, I don't want to make his life harder." I tried to explain but I knew Max knew exactly what I was talking about.

"It will get better over time, you'll see." he smiled at me as I looked at him. "It doesn't feel like it, I pushed him away and now, it's worse than ever, what if he doesn't want the baby or breaks up with me?"

"Listen, I have known lando my whole life, he always wanted kids and just because this one isn't planned does not mean he will not want it, I promise you he is gonna be here."  "Thanks Max, you might be an ass sometimes but you always know what to say." I squeezed his hand. "I'll make you some tea."

"Wait, can you please call Ria and ask if she can come over?" I needed a friend right now and I knew she would help me through anything. "Of course." he stood up and called her while making some tea.

I went on my phone and left Lando like a thousand messages but he still hasn't replied. I didn't know where he was and it scared me a lot. About 20 minutes later Ria came rushing through the door." Oh sweetheart, are you okay?" She walked over to me and gave me a hug.

" Don't think I can answer that question." I said in a sad tone." Tell me everything." I love how she turned this whole situation in a feeling of normal gossip." Lando and I had a fight over a baby... In my stomach." I said shaking my hands like a -surprise, I'm gonna be a mother- way.

" What? I'm gonna be an aunt?" she said shockingly."Yes, I suppose so." I laughed under my breath. "Oh darling, if he is not coming back, you and I will run off and raise this baby together but let's stay positive, he'll be back."

"Yeah, we're supposed to leave for Austria tomorrow but I don't think he is gonna be there." I looked down to my phone. "I just spoke to lando." Max said walking towards us. I turned my head immediately with big eyes. "What did he say?" I asked curiously.

"He's on his way to his parents house until tomorrow." he explained to me. "Is he still gonna be on the same flight as me?"

"I didn't ask but I think so." I didn't say anything back and he walked back upstairs. "Fuck me, why is all of this happening?" I said irritatedly. "I don't want you to be negative, let's order some food and throw on a movie." Ria said and that was exactly what I needed. To get away from my head. I was so frustrated and angry at myself about everything.

Ria ordered pizza and we watched Spiderman. "I know him." I said pointing at Tom on the screen. "Still bragging about that?" Ria said laughing. "And I will never stop." I smiled widely with my teeth. "To bad he has a girlfriend otherwise I would've told you to introduce us and it would've been love at first sight." she said staring at him.

"I'll introduce you either way." she turned to me with excitement in her eyes. "Uhh yes please, I need to be in his presence." and we both laughed hysterically.