jealousy jealousy

THIRTY TWO

Where is she?" I asked trying to stay calm. Every terrible thought rushed through my mind. "She's on the bed." she said and I rushed over to where she was laying.

The medic was all around her. I bent down and grabbed her hand. "Ella?" I called her but she didn't respond. She stared at the ceiling looking empty with tears falling down her cheeks.

"Excuse me sir, the ambulance is here, we need to take her to the hospital." one of the medics said. I looked back and didn't even notice I was crying. I wiped away my tears. "Okay yeah...Ella we're gonna go to a hospital now." I said and she just closed her eyes and cried even more.

They placed her on a stretcher and Kelly and I followed them. "What the fuck happened?" I asked Kelly as we drove behind the ambulance. "I was in the garage when she called me so rush over to her. Her water broke and I took her back to the hotel and called an ambulance." she said sniffing along with her words.

There was no life left in me. I didn't know what to say or how to feel. "What will happen now?" I said looking at the road ahead of me. "I wish I knew lando, just be there for her, this is really gonna break her apart if the baby doesn't make it." she said and the tears didn't stop.

We arrived at the hospital and they immediately took her to the operating theater. We sat in the waiting room and I didn't know what to do. I just sat there feeling helpless. No one wants to tell me what's happening on the other side of the door.

"I called Max, he's on his way." Kelly said squeezing my hand. I didn't say anything back as I just sat and fought with my own mind. "Hey mate." Max said out of breath and I gave him a hug. "Can you please go find out what is happening, they won't tell me anything." I said begging him.

"Yeah of course." he walked to the nurse and I couldn't make out what he was saying. He walked back to me looking sad. "She's in her own room, I'm sorry mate, the baby didn't make it." I fell down back into the chair. This feeling was the worst thing I've ever had to delt with. It has utterly crushed me.

"Can I go see her?" I asked closing my eyes. "Yeah I told them you are the father." he said and I rushed to her room. I slowly opened the door and a few nurses was still standing over her. They all looked back at me as I opened the door.

I walked up next to her and she was holding our baby. "It would've been a girl, Miyah Clarkson Norris." she said sniffing roughly. I pulled my eyebrows together to try and be strong for her. The tiny little figure in her arms made me feel empty.

I could've been a father to a little girl. "Hey look at me." I said touching her arm. She looked up at me and my world turned upside down. "It's gonna be okay alright, we have each other." I said wiping her tears away with my hand. Her face was red and wet from the tears.

We sat in silence looking at our baby girl. Although she wasn't with us the thought of us together for the first and last time made me think about how it could've been. Just the three of us, in our house together.

The doctor came in and called me outside. "I'm so sorry for your loss." the doctor said to me." Why did this happen?" I asked confused." It's something we call hypertension. " he said and I didn't understand at all. My mind was filled with confusion and anger.

" What does than even mean." I said frustrated. "It's most commonly high blood pressure, mainly caused by diabetes or kidneys but in this case. Ella had obstructive sleep apnoea, the walls of her throat relaxes and narrows when she sleeps, interrupting her breathing." I still couldn't believe any of this.

" So my child is dead because she didn't have enough oxygen?"I replied confusingly." I'm afraid so, I'm terribly sorry, nothing could have prevented it." he said and walked away. I looked back into the room where ella was laying with Miyah and I couldn't hold it together. I ran back to Max and Kelly to give them an update.

"She's gone, the baby is gone." I said looking at the floor. They both stepped closer and gave me a hug. I broke down completely. I couldn't keep it together anymore it was just too damn hard. "I'm so sorry mate, I'm at a loss for words." Max said patting my back.

"No don't worry, I'm gonna go sit with Ella for a bit, you guys don't have to wait here." I said folding my arms. "We want to be here Lando, until we can see Ella as well, now go sit with her." Kelly said and I nodded and walked back to the room.

. . .

Ella

It's been a week since I've had my miscarriage with Miyah. I flew back to London with a helicopter and I haven't said a word since then. It was just to hard for me.

I was completely broken in the inside. Lando has tried his best to comfort me but nothing will ever cure my pain. It was Saturday morning and I still haven't moved from my bed. Only if I need to take a shower or drink my meds.

"El, here is some food, the doctor said you can eat solid foods today." lando said placing food down on the bed. Every time I look at him I just see our child. I sat up straight but I was not hungry at all. "Thank you, but I'm not really hungry." I said looking at my hands.

"Ella you must eat." he insisted. "Lando I'm not hungry please just let it be." I said louder and looked up at him.
"Okay, okay I'm sorry, just call me if you need anything." he said taking the food away.

Everyone sent me their condolences but it just made me even more mad. They had no idea what I was going through, the pain and agony. I fell asleep again.

I woke up at about 4 pm and decided to get up. I was in so much pain from the scar on my stomach that I could barely walk without help. I called lando to help me. He helped me put other clothes on and took me downstairs.

Max was sitting on the couch. "Hey how are you feeling?" he asked and I got angry. "Can we please for once talk about something else that doesn't remind me I'm in pain." I said taking a seat.

Lando sat next to me but I didn't want to be touched. It was really hard to live like this. I heard a knock on the door and Max went to open it. My mom came running in." Oh my sweet child, I'm sorry I couldn't be here earlier, we couldn't get a plane ticket back in time." she said hugging me. I was so glad to see her again.

I immediately started to cry again. "Why did this happen mom?" I asked crying into her shoulder. "Max Lando, Joe, please head upstairs." she told them and I heard their footsteps disappearing." I also had n miscarriage once, you were about 5 years old." she said wiping her own tears away.

"I know how you feel honey and the pain doesn't go away but you learn to deal with it." I couldn't believe my mom went through the same thing I did. "What happened?" I asked squeezing her tightly."It was just an unhealthy pregnancy." she said. The boys came downstairs and sat with us.

"How are we feeling?" Joe asked sitting down next to my mom. "We're alright." she said giving him a kiss. Although I miss my dad, Joe was a really good guy for my mom and I was really blessed to have him as my stepdad.

I looked at my mom and Joe and then at lando. He kept looking at me and mouthed the words - I love you- to me. I said it back and I just wanted to start crying again. I just wish this nightmare could end.