jealousy jealousy

THIRTY THREE

Lando

Emily and Joe stayed over for the night to support Ella in any way possible. Sunday morning they both went back to their place and Max went with them for the day so that Ella and I could spend some time alone together.

She stayed in bed until 10am and had to start moving around as Dr. Brown ordered. "Let me help." I said as she tried walking down the stairs. "No I'm fine." she insisted.

It was hard seeing her in so much pain. She reached the living room and sat down. "Can we please just talk about it." I said because we haven't mentioned it since the hospital and not talking about it made it worse for me.

"Please lando I don't want to." she said closing her eyes. "Ella, it's eating me alive, I don't know what to do with my feelings." I confessed standing in front of her. "Okay you wanna talk about it, let's talk. I lost my child because I didn't give her enough oxygen, it's my fault she's dead and I'm supposed to live with that for the rest of my life."

She broke down in tears and I didn't know she felt that way. "It's not your fau-" she cut me off and started to yell at me. "It is lando, Miyah would still be in my stomach if I just fucking breathed right."

"You didn't know this could happen, none of us did." I tried to explain but nothing worked. "You don't know how I feel lando, it's like I lost a part of myself."

"And how do you think I feel, she was also my kid, we both lost her, not just you. I've been trying my best to keep it together for you but it's so fucking hard, I hate seeing you like this and not being able to bring you comfort." tears fell down my cheek while I was looking at her.

"We both loved her and lost her and we can't change that but please help me understand how I can help you, talk to me, yell at me but don't stay silent. I need you right now, more than I ever did." I said in one breath. She looked up at me with red eyes.

" Why did this happen lando?" she said breaking down again. I reached out and held her in my arms." I don't know sweetheart but well figure it out together." I said holding back my tears.

The next morning we had to go to the doctor to take the stitches out. Ella got a lot closer to me since last night and it filled my heart with a bit more love. "You ready?" I asked as I parked the car. "Let's just get this done." she sighed and I helped her walk into the building.

"Hello Ella, you can just lay here. It won't hurt at all." Dr. Brown said smiling. She clipped every stitch and Ella squeezed my hand with every sound.

As soon as she was done Ella talked to Dr. Brown for a bit while I waited outside. Seeing all these women with their children made me nostalgic of when Ella and I would just lay in bed and talk about our future.

"Hey, you ready to go?" Ella said and I snapped back to reality. "Yes, you wanna go get some lunch at Ria's place?" I asked as she haven't seen them in a while. "You can say no I'll understand."

"No I'd like to go, I've realized that getting back to my normal routine is better for me and my mental health." she smiled faintly. I nodded and we drove to their apartment. "Hello guys, it's so good to see you again." Ria said opening the door.

I texted them to not make a big fuss about the situation and not ask any questions. We walked to the couch and Ria brought us some tea. "Where's Araav and Niran?" she asked taking my hand into hers. "They should be back by now, I sent them to grab us some food because I wasn't in the mood to cook." she rolled her eyes.

"I hope they bring me some ice cream." I joked. "Yeah same tho, but like a big bucket." Ella added and I smiled at her. They arrived with the food and we all ate together. They didn't bring any ice cream but on our way back home I bought some at the store.

"Here you go." I handed her a bowl filled with her favorite strawberry ice cream. We threw on a movie to watch and she cuddled up next to me.

Just as the movie ended, ella was already asleep. I didn't want to wake her up so I picked her up and carried her up to my room. I moved in next to her and fell asleep easily for the first time.

. . .

Ella

It has been a month since Miya left us and I'm slowly starting to get better. Everyday is still a rollercoaster with my emotions but anything feels possible with Lando right next to me. I didn't push him away this time but only pulled him closer and it made a big difference.

He also went through the same pain and loss as I did but we talked about it more and it really helped a lot. Today was the first day I went back to work with George. I was a bit nervous to go out in public but I just pushed the thought to the back of my mind.

We were at Sau Paolo this weekend and I was kind of really excited. Lando and I were getting ready at the hotel to go to the track for FP1 and FP2. "It feels wrong to move on." I admitted as I stood in front of the mirror.

"You should not feel wrong to try and be happy again, you deserve it more than anyone." he said giving me a tight hug. "And how are you feeling." I have been seeing my therapist since everything happened and she told me to take in other people's emotions as well and it made our bond stronger.

"I'll manage through the day." he said kissing me. "Just know, I want know one but you, no one has ever touched my heart the way you have. No one has ever made me smile the way you have. We have been through so much already and I love you through it all." I said being more honest and open towards him. "Stop it your gonna make me blush." he said as a smile grew on his face. I giggled at him.

We arrived at the track and everyone gave me weird looks. All the drivers knew I was pregant and now that their is no baby I knew there were a lot of questions. I ignored it and walked straight to William's hospitality. "Hey George, you ready to go on a run?" I asked taking a seat at the cafeteria table.

"I'm so glad your back we all have missed you so much." he said giving me a hug. "And I have missed you." I said shyly. We walked out on the track and went on our jog before FP1.

"Damn and you still beat me." George said as we stopped before the pit entry. "What can I say, I'm just the best at everything I do." I said rubbing it into his face. Lando told me not to say anything but if you ever want to talk about it, I'm here for you." he said placing his hand on my shoulder.

" Thank you George, I appreciate it." I said and we walked back to the garage. Isa was here this weekend and I wanted to catch up with her. We haven't talked in a while since I'm not in Mclaren's garage amas much.

I walked to mclaren and found her in the garage." Hey Ella, how have you been." she asked giving me a hug. "Oh you know could be better." I said laughing under my breath.

"Uhgg same, my job is killing my feet." she said rolling her eyes. "You know, I love your fashion, you should come with me sometime to my work."

"I would actually enjoy that, tell me if you going somewhere." I said tucking my hair to one side. "Hello beautiful ladies." Lando said hugging me from the back.

"Hey handsome, you ready for the race?" I asked holding his arms that was holding me around my shoulders. "Yes baby! I'm super excited." he said smiling widely.