The Cruel Side of Hearts [COMPLETED]

Chapter I : Pain and Anger and It

     Falling asleep just to wake up cocooned inside of a shadow is what my life has come to be. Sometimes I forget and foolishly go for a nap hoping to get some "beauty sleep" and wake up as refreshed as a newly sprouted cucumber. 

Ha- Ha.

No.

Expecting this sleep to be merciful is like expecting fire to be cold. Or poison bitter. 

You may be thinking right now, poison? Bitter?  Is'int that how its supposed to be? No my dear reader, at first, perhaps, but after an eternity of having poison injected into you you start to savour it. You start to thirst for it...you become addicted. You begin thinking of this pain as a blissful comatose. Pain is easy. Pain is the root of our existence...pain is safe. There is no emotion as sweet and welcoming as pain. Pain is a comfort. A reminder. And most importantly of all, a shield. There is no other emotion I enjoy as much as I do pain...In pain, I can remember. I can fear, and I can keep safe. What do I fear, might you ask?

Anger.

/noun/

A strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.

Synonyms include:

-annoyance -vexation-exasperation-crossness-indignation-pique-displeasure-resentment-rage-fury-wrath

Before I continue, let me ask you a question perhaps. 

are you afraid of yourself?

You might blow it off and be like "ppfff-no..." or maybe you do agree and this brings you into a toilet-flushing brain adventure with a lot of self deprecation and hot tears onto once comforting pillow. To say the least I don't care. Your response won't affect the way this story goes.

...

     Before I begin this you may want some backstory on it (whatever this is)...because most likely right now you may be sitting here and thinking "what the fuck is this dude talking about?" Or perhaps "just begin already"

Well, if you must...

This story takes place in a land called Omen, which is less so a land but a castle. The castle is situated on a floating island which is within another floating island shaped like a very moldy donut. From the inner walls of this "donut"there are waterfalls cascading into an endless abyss below. Don't let the word "abyss" fool you, its impossible to jump down. Believe me, I tried.

Anyway this castle is the lair of this person named Ethel Lovelace. (I hate Ethel. She's a bitch and you'll find out why soon enough)

Also a fun fact about what I just said- Omen does not exist. Yeah right folks you heard me right I just wasted your few seconds on a land that is absolutely fictional...you leave now.

Here is  another fun fact- I just lied. Omen is plenty real but the reality and your mind here kinda go hand in hand so sometimes its difficult to understand what was originally there and what your mind has materialised before you...here is a demo:

Imagine there was an empty room and you walked in unknowingly thinking it is the kitchen. You walk in and what do you see? If you said kitchen then you're correct. Then you may walk to the stove of said kitchen and think to yourself "I wonder if there is anything to eat, I'd love to have some potatoes" (since your dog just died of cancer and he used to love potatoes) 

Before you even think of interrupting me and asking how dogs and potatoes matter you become shocked by what has just magically appeared in front of you: Your formerly deceased pooch Roger attacking a bag of uncooked potatoes and squealing like a hamster.

(ignore the hamster that just ran over your foot into the burning fireplace that I have imagined solely for that purpose)

So yeah...this is how we live here...by we I mean myself and Ethel. Sometimes some servants or rabid animals or small children or creatures depending on our mood. I call them brainfarts. (to be honest the last three were totally unnecessary because I was practically listing synonyms) Oh, and It. Unlike the formerly mentioned things...It is plenty real. Though it is composed of the same matter as the "brainfarts" it is far more deadly than them. For one thing, it won't leave.

Here are some facts about It:

1. It is the only "Brainfart" that has a mind and developed a conscience.

2. It is called It because if you call it anything other than It, it will become alive. Not like it's current ghost like semi-real state, but a truly living breathing creature. Even it is afraid of it coming to life. 

3. It is a thought.

Before I continue, here is another question. Do you consider your thoughts you? Or something separate all together? Are you afraid of your thoughts sometimes? Do they consume you? Do you feel like you may become all of those thoughts? If so, then we're on the same track.

4. It is me.

Number four always confuses people. They are like "Hogan, you just said it, (or is it It? ) is a thought. A shadow, half alive...are you dead Hogan? How can it be you and at the same time not?"

It confuses me a lot as well. It is a thought. It is a part of me but its ultimately separate. Yet it is also me, my creation, my biggest fear, my worst enemy and my best friend. It  comes to life because I created it, but lives its own separate life out of my control. It is a menace and a promise. A very interesting creature if you will. It  and I have a long history, but It has its own backstory as well. There is also this buzzing question that you may be dying  to ask right now, which is : How did it come to be? The answer is simple my friend.

Ethel Lovelace.