Bughead || recovering

8

Life's been getting easier , but my temptation to feed my old addiction grew every day ,
Especially seeing everyone around me doing it , with drugs being in everyone's back packs,
It was last Friday night that really broke me , I was at some random party that jughead had dragged me to there was some random circle where they literally just doing drugs , we sat there as I contemplated how I was going to get out of that situation, "can we go" I asked "come with me real quick " before he pulled me to the side , "check this out" he said while pulled out a tiny baggie , I didn't need to see what it was to know that I needed to go home
"What is that" "fentanyl" I recognized the name before , that was the drug that I had taken the night of the incident "why do you have that" I thought it would be fun" "oh don't seriously tell me you want to be like everyone else at this party " "we won't even take that much" "do you know how that pill even works even like half of one will leave me throwing up all night"
"What if we smoke" "no , I'm going home" "oh cmon don't be such a pris , just this once"
"God you really are such a follower" "what are you in about" "I bet your think you look so badass with that in your hand , assuming everyone else will too " "why do you turn everything into a lecture" "why do you turn everything into a argument" "because I can" "you sound like a child, how many micro grams is that any ways" "a hundred or something I don't know " "100!? Are you insane."
"Slightly" "I've seriously got to get out of here , if you take that , and if you enjoy it , in the slightest. Don't even bother texting me ." I went inside and texted my brother asking him to pick me up explaining the situation , he said he'd come but was half a hour away , fifteen minutes or so pass and I see him walk out , obviously tweaked out , like seriously , "if you didn't want to do it because of your parents I mean what really do you have to lose , there already disappointed In you" "how much did you take" "enough" "you're about the start freaking out soon you seriously need to go home , now" "I'm fine" "or just sleepover here , you can't drive like this" "I'm fine , and you will be to" he said as he handed the bag to me , I took it just so he wouldn't take any more, "I'm not taking it" "all you do is like school home school, home school , why don't you let loose a little once in a while" "I'm fine the way I am"
"he slightly laughed "what's so funny" "what you just said" "I know that you think I'm a unstable dead girl walking , but I'm fine , I think I have more mental stability than you"
"Oh come on... you think I don't notice how you go to the bathroom after every meal you eat"
"Literally shut up , anything you say now is just gonna make your life harder when your sober
a high mans word are a sober mans thoughts" , do you at least want to know what I think of you" "yes I would" "I think your a entitled golden boy who's never been told no in his life so that's why your so attracted to me , because I'm the only person who will put you in your place, the same way I'm doing now , and that fascinates you as if I'm some mentally Ill Bella Swan " "Bella swan doesn't play tic tac toe on her arms" I slapped him the second I processed what he said , ironically enough that's when my brother came , I'm gonna say this vividly so you'll remember It when your sober , this little "charity work" is over, don't text me don't call me don't show up at my home and don't walk with me in the halls , I don't want to know you ever again , i was doing just fine on my own" I said before I got off and went into my brothers car ,
When I was home I felt irritated and in a way hurt , especially knowing that if he apologized that I'd forgive him , so maybe I was mad at myself , I took out the pills and hesitated to flush them down the toilet , I Couldn't bring myself to do it , I left it on my dresser not knowing what to do with it , but the house by self in the room left me sitting on my bed just staring at it , I hated myself for it but I eventually caved in, I stood up and I didn't know what doses where so I took a little , and that was enough to send me spiraling , within 30 minutes I felt the happiest I'd been in years , and when that wore off I started throwing up uncontrollably, my whole body hurt and I couldn't walk , me throwing up eventually got the attention of my mom who went in my room , I was sitting next to the toilet , I was a mess , I felt like I was having a heart attack and I Couldn't make out a sentence "I'm sorry mom" she moved the hair out of my face while she called for my dad , who took me to the hospital while I threw up in a bag .
          I spent the next four days in the hospital , crying every night , partially out of pain and also out of disappointment, I was on the verge of liver failure . on the fifth day they let me go home , I had a few days off school to recover , even though I wanted to fall off the face of the earth , at least they didn't put me in a mental hospital. The next couple of days I kept getting gifts from jughead , even though he didn't even know I was in the hospital , or that I relapsed.
    It was the afternoon and I was on the couch , when I heard the door knock , my brother got it , "this is the last time I'm gonna say that she doesn't want your gifts" "could I at least talk to her" "no , leave" "really quick " "it's really not my call to make , if she wanted to talk to you she would've by now" "you know she won't come around" "then let go of it" Charles said,
"She's my best friend" "I heard what you said to her" "I was drugged out I don't even remember what I said" "get lost" "it's not like your her dad , just let me have a talk" "your right, I'm not her dad , but I'm the only person who's ever looked out for her , you've done enough" "she needs a friend , she doesn't need to locked in her room all the time"  "she does need a friend , but that friend won't be you." "Can you at least ask her to talk to me" "your the last person she wants to talk to" "and whys that" "you made her relapse" , after that it went quiet "I didn't know she-" "you need to go home" he said before he shut the door turning around to realize that I heard the whole thing , I went up to my room and stayed there for the rest of the day , contemplating my existence until I fell asleep.