Bughead || recovering

17

It was the next week , Monday Veronica hadn't gone to school so during lunch I was alone,
Sitting on a bench , when he sat next to me
"hi" "hi" I said , "why are you so blue" "I'm not" "do you want me to go" "no it's fine"
"How's your last couple of months been" "as you'd expect" "I'm sorry for everything , really , I know I made your life worse , and I'll leave you alone for now" "I said whatever I did in the moment but you were right , i was going to kill myself , I had a date , I even thought everything through so my brother wouldn't have to see me, and I'm selfish for blaming you
Because I know for a fact I wouldn't be alive if you hadn't ,and I'm sorry" "you don't have to apologize" "I can't continue to be a burden in your life" "you're not" "you're in a relationship now and I can't keep doing this to you" "doing what I don't understand" "you want something I could never give to you" "witch is" "a relationship" "we have a relationship" "not like that" "I've moved on long ago" "I know that's not true" I think that offended him "get off your high horse oh my god , i watched you mutilate yourself for months and you think I'd want to be with you" "your right , I don't know why I said that , I'm stupid I'm a stupid woman" "I didn't mean to come off so rudely" "no your right" "I'm sorry , but I need you to know that I'm happy in the relationship I'm in" "I think we both got what we wanted , I think we'll be fine now" "we can still be friends right" I nodded ,
It'd been a month , we said we'd stay friends but we would hardly talk , I don't think his girlfriend liked me , at all , I'd made a couple of friends I'd even go to there houses and stuff , I caught a break , obviously it didn't last.
I'd came home drunk , after a long night at veronicas and I hadn't awnsered my parents all the night and stumbling into my house at midnight didn't look, good at all.
"Are you high" "no" "I'm not stupid your high as a kite right now" "I'm not" my mom was furious and started screaming at me for around five minutes "you're not a person anymore , you're this monster that just takes and takes and i don't have  anything to give you anymore , I've tried everything, why cant you fucking quit" "you don't care that I'm a addict or about my disorders, you care that you'll never have a perfect daughter again, you killed both of them this is your fault" "I gave you all the freedom you could ever want , I put you in a massive house and you go to a great school so why do you stand in front of me and act like a spoiled bitch like you had it so rough" "you don't get to call me spoiled, you've leached off off of a rich coward and you two fucking hate each other, you wake up every morning knowing you've failed , that you could've done something with your life but you live the exact same life as most generic white women in this world" "I'm happy, I'm sorry that how many mattresses I gave you you could still feel a pea "
"you're miserable, and you'll die a nobody" "and what , because you do drugs and are the same weight as a elementary schooler that you're so fucking special , you spoiled fuck What else could you possibly want from me"
"a mother"I'd screamed "I can't parent you, your not my child I don't know who you are"
"I never did anything to you" "you've never done anything for me" "why did you have me"  "we can stand here for hours trying to find that Awnser and it's nowhere, but you here now so fucking deal with it" in the moment I hadn't thought I just slapped her , and we got into a whole fight in the kitchen , that had a brand new case of fragile glass wine glasses that we'd crashed into and I was cut all over my body , and my dad and brother weren't home to stop it , it was like we were trying to kill each other , I was holding a broken wine glass and she was holding a piece of glass "you're going straight to rehab you fucking lunatic" the thought of rehab made me charge at her , but I couldn't do anything with the wine glass because I didn't have the guts , but she sliced my hand with the glass , slightly stabbing me in the stomach" I backed up slowly and she realized the severity of what she just did she tried to find the words to say anything and I just struggled to the front door while she stood there with a glass with blood on her hand , I was limping down my street turning my head every couple of seconds to see if she'd come out,  and eventually sat on a random curb , looking down at the white dress I was wearing witch was slowly turning red and where I cried and tried to figure out what to do "betty?" I turned around to see him and slowly turned back to the floor "are you okay" "I'm a monster" "whatd you do" I didn't say anything, "let me help you up" I stood and put my hand over my stomach and he saw the entirety of my condition, "whys there so much blood" "I don't know what to do" I said while showing my hand that was covered in blood "whos blood is that" "it's mine" he didn't know what to say for a few seconds "I'll help you Inside" he helped me walk up to his bathroom where I laid on the floor and he looked around for a first aid kit , he was covering my hand with gauze and started saying
"I'm gonna kill him" "this wasn't him" "you don't have to cover for anybody anymore"
In that moment Id never fought with my mom before , and I was thinking back to my memories , all of the times she'd nurtured me , the times she'd clean blood off of me, and stayed up all night with me when I was sick , or bathe me when I was to weak to , and I broke down in his bathroom and I leaned on him  and we stayed there for a while ,then he helped me up and to his bed , "where did this happen" "my house" "did he break in" "this wasn't him I told you" "so what happened you slipped on some glass or something" "this was my own mother" "what happened" "I'm a monster" "what'd you do" "she wouldn't stop yelling and I didn't mean to hit her I just didn't know how to stop it" "how hard did you hit her" "I'm not violent I've never hit anyone in my life" "I know your not" "I didn't want to hurt her" "I know" "I'm not violent" then he looked down at my hand , witch had bled through the gauze and I had to rush back to the bathroom "we have to go to a hospital" "I'm not going to a hospital" "do you want to bleed out in my bathroom" "I'll wait or something"
"If you keep bleeding then we have to go" "I'll be fine" "I'm serious you can't just go home and clean yourself up and cover this , this needs stitches or something" "I'm sorry" "for what" "I don't mean to bother you with my problems again I really don't" "we're still friends right"
I nodded , "if we're friends then it's like your problems are my problems"
I think the alcohol kicked back in at this point ,
"You know what" I said , "what" "I think you're the sweetest guy in the world"
"thank you?" "I don't know why your still around me" "why wouldn't I be"
then there was a banging at the door
"I'll be right back"
I heard talking ,  so I walked to the top of the stairs and saw my dad , I'd limped down the stairs "thank you" id said before he closed the door , my dad took me to the hospital with a fabricated story and I'd stayed one day for my hand and one for my stomach wound
I'd said I came home drunk and fell into a case of wind glasses when I got home , my dad stayed with me , I think my mom had been to embarrassed, when I'd got out I went home , they tried to recommend aa or something like I'm not already in it.
I'd walked in my house and my dad waited outside for a minute,
I saw my mom , and neither of us knew what to do until she hugged me , and she cried , and apologized and I'd forgiven her, 
I know what she'd done could be unforgivable, that It could make me fear her,
I wish I could say I know she'd never hurt me but itd be dishonest now,
for now I have the comfort of knowing my mother loves me, and that's enough.