Bughead || recovering

14

on Friday i woke up on my floor and was to late for class to even bother showing up , so i didnt go, it was friday night and someone was knocking on my door , i slightly opened it enough so that i could see , it was jughead, i had totally forgotten about tutoring "hi" i said , "im here for tutoring" "okay" i opened the door "follow me" as i lead him to the living room table , and i had remembered i put all the chairs away in a fit of rage "ill be right back" i said while i went to get another room to get a chair "this place looks like nobody's been in here in months" "nobody has" "your parents still haven't" i shook my head "im sorry" "its fine" "on the bright side , think of all the party's you could have" "i guess" "that reminds me , i have a party to go to so do you think we could make this quick" "we could just do it tomorrow or something" "no its fine" "alright" he was reading something when i felt my neck hurt , and i remembered the night before and how my neck probably looked horrid "ill be right back" i went up to my room and put on a sweater quickly and tried to slap foundation on my neck , i was looking in my mirror painfully trying to put makeup on me when i saw him standing in the door frame , with only half my neck covered , i slowly turned my head and started walking to my door and closed it and he started talking to me through the door "ill leave if you want me to" i started crying "just say the word and ill go" i went back to my desk and put my head down, and i heard the door , he touched my arm and i just froze, he moved my hair and used a makeup wipe to clean off the makeup and then looked at my face , i looked at him for a second and then started crying even more ,"I'm so sorry" and kissed my head. a couple minutes later he was sitting on my bed "when did it happen" "last night" "after the writing thing" "how do you know about that" "i was there" "did your hear mines" "yeah" "oh" "i liked yours , they where really good" "you think so" "yeah" "thank you" and we both didn't say anything for a bit "you could still go to that party" "forget the party" "you don't have to stay here with me" "i know" i turned my head towards the mirror again and stared at a photo of my parents "do you miss them" "i miss everything" "how are you holding up" "im good , ive been good ""how are you actually" "im okay" "I'm sorry about new years" "I'm sorry too" "no really , what i did sucked" "its not like i can blame you , i think I'm argumentative , and i really took you for granted , and I'm really sorry" "don't blame this on yourself" "am i wrong" "yeah you are" "so what about new years " "it has nothing to do with the way that you are" "you don't have to lie to me , your only here because you wanted me to teach you math" "i didn't know the state you were in" "and what does that change" "everything" "i don't want your pity" "so why are you so vulnerable around me" "well i wont be anymore" "yes you will" "i don't want to see you anymore" "that isn't what you want" "stop doing that" "doing what" "telling me what i want and how i feel and acting like you understand me because you don't" "you're right i don't , i cant imagine how it is to be you, if i could i would erase you from both of our memory so you could be at ease but I' care about you" "you don't owe me anything" "i want to owe you things" "its always about what you want" "ill leave if you want me to" i nodded , "you'll be okay" "yeah ill be fine" "promise you wont do anything to yourself" "good night" "I'm not leaving tell you promise me" "i promise , now go"

the next night my brother came home , i don't know were from, he stumbled into my room "hi" i said , "oh hey" "where'd you go" "just stayed at my friends for a bit" "you didnt answer any of my calls" "i don't really use my phone when i go out" "where'd you go out to anyway" "just some partys" "where they fun" "oh yeah" "anything interesting happen" "oh you know your friend that lives a couple doors down" "hes not my friend" "okay , anyway , yesterday we were at this party and he randomly came in and fought your other ex that just had got out the hospital and said something about killing him and im pretty sure it was his like moving away party or something" i stood up "are you serious" "seems kind of absurd to make up" "ill be back" i put on slippers and walked there" i knocked on the door and it took him a minute or two to answer he had a bruise on his face and just stared at me for a couple seconds "did you win" "id think so" "why'd you do that" "are you here to lecture me about why i hurt him " "I'm here to lecture you on why you hurt yourself" "I'm fine" "well , at least were matching" "from the same hands and everything" i hugged him , "thank you" we moved away a bit and our faces were almost touching , and he kissed me , and i pulled away , "I'm sorry" "don't be , i don't know why i did that" "its not that i don't like you" "then what is it" "i mean , look at me" "I'm looking" "metaphorically speaking , I'm at rock bottom, we both know it" "you dont have to be" "i don't know how to get better" "then let me help you" i grabbed his hand and led him to the porch seat" "i didn't want to tell you this , but I'm leaving" "like you're moving" "no" "so what" im leaving , by myself" "what about you're brother , he doesn't need me , not anymore at least" "you're a minor this is insane" "i have no reason to stay here" "well then , stay for me" "you know i cant do that" "where are you going" "well i submitted some of my writing to a publishing and editing office in new York , this man there said he could give me a room to stay in in his attic if i could be a live in home school teacher for his daughters , no questions asked" "its not going to be as good as it seems" "im not stupid , i know how the world works, i know ill have to struggle and provide for myself but im willing to do that if it means i get a second shot at life" "ill go with you" "no you cant" "I've had a savings ever since i was little i can provide" "you have a family , a big loving family , and you've got talent in sport , and friends , who am i to jeopardize that" "none of that matters if im with you" "ive only known you for a couple of months" "and it feels like years" "that's not how its going to feel when we get bored of each other and you realize that this was a mistake and i leave you in the middle of the night because im selfish " "oh wow" "look" i pulled out a tiny globe keychain that i had in my pocket "close you're eyes and stop your finger when you feel like it , i spun the keychain and when he stopped it it landed on France, "in 2 months time on this date , at 1 pm , meet me at the Eiffel tower" "this is crazy" "ill see you tomorrow and we cant talk about this more" i knew i wasn't going to make it tell that talk, id already bought my train ticket , for the afternoon , and id already bought a burner phone and a box of hair dye , i knew if i said goodbye i wouldn't have left ,

the next morning id been prepared for what i was going to do , i was home alone , and i hadnt seen my brother in at least a day , my ticket was for night time it was around night and i was about to get a cab to the when my brother called me super distraught ,"betty i dont know where i am i was just at my friends and then" "slow down" "my heart beat is so high right now " "where are you" "i don't know" "okay can you walk for a bit tell you find somewhere with a name or something" i cant" "why not" "i can hardly move " "just crawl for a bit or something" "this area is so sketchy" "just try to do it" i listened to him struggle for a couple minutes before he found some kind of corner store , it was like 25 minutes away and i went and saw him laying against a wall cracked out, "whatd you take" "i asked while checking him out" "i dont know" he said while crying" "i don't know how to stop" "its okay well work on it okay" i looked at him , it was like i wasnt staring at a teenager who was the same age as me , it was like i was staring at a kid , who needed a parent , and i knew i had to be that , and i knew i couldn't leave , we went home and i had him go to bed , and i went to the kitchen and cried , i didnt know who to blame , i resented my parents , i needed a parent too , it had been months and i spend every night sitting by the phone and worrying , when someone knocked on the door , i some what pulled myself together ,but you could still probably tell i was crying" "are you okay" "i just had a rough night" "my parents are having a dinner party i was wondering if youd come" "sure just give me a minute , i checked on my brother to see if he was still sleeping and he was so i left" his house was massive , id never met his parents before so i was off about how random it was ,i walked in and it were all these rich looking adults i could probably be some of there granddaughters i sat down and it was a bit awkward "you only live a couple doors down i cant believe weve never met" "i dont go out much" "i havent seen your parents in a while either" "they go out a lot for work" "do they just leave you alone all the time" "well i have a brother" "does that explain all the bruises" i didnt know what to say, i was taken back and started stuttering i think it was just to make her friends laugh , which they did "i knew something was going on in that quiet little house didnt i mention that honey" then his dad started laughing a little "excuse me" i said while i went to the bathroom" i was there trying to keep some composure when i heard "probably going to throw up those couple of bites she ate" and then i heard some laughing acompanied by arguing i walked out the bathroom and left and he followed after me and i was crying "i dont know why shes acting like that" i didnt say anything and just speed walked home , i looked at him before i closed the door and walked up to my room and laid in bed before i heard my window open and he crawled in from my neighbors room "please go" "i really am sorry" "ive had a really bad night please just go" i turned to the opposite side of him "i feel terrible about this" , i stopped talking , and he just put the blanket over me and started to walk back to the window "you don't have to go" i said very faintly "do you want me to" "not really" "alright" "could you lay with me for a bit" he laid next to me and wiped my eye "you know im sorry" "yeah i know"