Bughead || recovering

11

it had been 2 weeks into the mental hospital at this point , I was in my room doing school work when all of a sudden the nurse comes in my room "you're getting picked up and your parents are here " it was so sudden , and so rushed as the nurse helped me pack all my clothes and stuff , I was walked to the front were I saw my parents in the car , with the blankest expressions ever , like they were numb , I got in and they didn't say anything for a second , "hey" "hi Betty" "why'd you suddenly pick me up" she sighed and they looked at each other "it was a week after you left" she said then grabbed a tissue "and we had woke up and Polly didn't wake up for school witch was odd , so I went in her room" then she cut off and started crying again "what about her" my heart dropped down to my feet assuming what was about to come out my moms mouth "what happened to her mom" "she killed herself betty"
I had no words to say , i sat there in shock , I couldn't make tears come out or scream or anything , I just laid down the entire ride and my parents didn't say a word , "whyd you hide it from me for so long" I said when we were almost home "you were to occupied getting better we wouldn't want to do this to you before the funeral" "so instead you called me every day and pretended like my sister wasn't fucking dead" "we were grieving too" "this isn't about you , I don't know why you both feel the instant need to protect me all the time " "you've never stepped a foot in to the real world , if we didn't protect you all the time you'd have been dead long ago " "I get it I fucked up I messed up a lot but I'm better now" "I remember when we'd have to go looking for you in random alley ways when you'd disappear for hours on end , and eventually we found you passed out on a lawn at some random party , drugged out of your mind" "I was clean for a fucking year why can't you just let it go" "because if I don't check on you every fucking day your going to go do it again , I left you alone for one fucking night and you already did it" "my sister is dead , how are you still finding a way to pin this back on me" "just be quiet" "she's dead , and she's never coming back , I know you too can't get that through your thick skulls you both pretend like there's never anything wrong but I'm a ticking time bomb and we all know it , god knows what Charles is doing and my sister , we'll you already know" "you're so ungrateful, we protected you , we kept your secret , we're the ones who took you to the hospital because god knows you would've died" "don't act like I was the one who told you to lie for me , you were embarrassed about it , don't act like you're some savior and that you rescued me because your not , I might as well be like Polly" I said before I ran up to my room , I I pushed everything off my nightstand , including my lamp with caused my light bulb to burst into a million pieces , I took the glass and almost crushed it into my hands , until I put it back down and looked for my pills , I got one so I could calm down , I heard something at my window , I saw my neighbor Archie staring at me , assuming he heard all that, I just shut the blinds and went to my bed and laid there for a bit , until I heard some stuff hitting my other window , I thought if it didn't pay attention to it , it would go away , but it didn't. I got up and looked out my window and saw jughead, i hurried out the house and he was just standing there , I hugged him really really tight , it was winter and I was freezing
"Do you wanna go to my house" I nodded "when did you get back home" "a bit ago" , he nodded "are you ... better?" "I was" "was?" "Oh don't act stupid" I said while wiping my eye ,
"I'm really sorry"then it went quiet  "me and her were fighting once , and she told me that , I didn't die that day but she can't even recognize me anymore , that she sees this stranger walking around her house and she wants to just attack me and make me leave , and after that I got up , and I looked at myself in the mirror , and she was right , I was a stranger ,disturbing this happy family's home"  "people change , it doesn't make you less of a person because you had a rough year" "why can't you hate me" "because I'm not you. I don't hate you , and most people don't either , you just keep telling yourself that they do" I kissed him , then I stood up "was that weird" I asked , "not really , no" "cool then... cool" he nodded
"well I think I'm going to go" "what are we betty" "what are you talking about" "I've made it obvious the way I feel towards you , and you keep confusing me , if you don't like me then just tell me" "I'm just really vulnerable right now I don't know why I did that" "it's fine"
"No youre right , I don't know why I keep standing you up like this , I do like you it's just"
"Just what" "I can't do this in these circumstances" "yeah I'd understand" "let's talk tomorrow" he nodded , and I walked back to my house I saw my mom in the living room , they were watching a movie , I sat on the chair on the side of them "I'm really sorry about what I said earlier" "don't lose sleep over it it's fine" "stop acting like it's fine , stop acting like what I do is normal" "you're the farthest from normal" my mom said "i don't want to be like this anymore mom" "I know" I laid next to her, "I don't know what to do anymore" "you don't have to worry about anything besides the funeral right now" "when is it" "Sunday" , it was then Thursday , "I don't think she'd want me to go" , "she said that she did it when you were gone so you wouldn't have to see her like that , she said she knew you Couldn't live a normal life after that" "how'd you know she said that" she got up and went to her room and came down a few seconds later with a paper in her hand and handed it to me , it had my name at the top of it "I wish I could crawl into your head and understand why you are the way you are , and why you've always been this way , I've never known you , and you've never known me , now you'll never get the opportunity to , I'm sorry for everything I said , I hope you heal and I hope you live a normal life since I couldn't" I folded it up and walked back upstairs and slept feeling off , it wasn't something she'd ever say , or do , but she was probably right , we didn't know each other so maybe it was.
    It was Sunday , the funeral was depressing, my parents were as you'd expect , my mom especially , it was after the ceremony and there was like a dinner or something that I didn't feel like going to , I sat on the curb outside of the venue for a while, "you look cold" I turned my head and I saw nick , I got up really quickly , completely shocked to see that he was fine
"What the fuck" "calm down" he stepped closer to me "if you step closer I will start screaming" "I just want to talk to you" "I don't" "let's just talk" "I'm not gonna talk to you" "it's the least you could do" he said while pointing at his head , witch had a dent in it "I didn't do that to you" "so I willingly fell in my own bathtub" "stop blaming this on me" "I don't blame you" "what do you want to talk about anyways" "take a wild guess" I didn't say anything "I didn't tell anybody , don't worry" "why are you, okay" "it was just a really bad concussion, it didn't mess with my brain like every body thought " I nodded , "is that all you wanted to say " "this isn't over" "you're sick" "I know" "what did I ever do to you" "what do you mean" "why did you do all of this to me" "what are you talking about" "you know what" "you're crazy" he said while he walked away , I followed him "I don't like you , I haven't for a year get over that" "if you don't step away from me I'm gonna hurt you" "just do it already" , he didn't say anything and kept walking "you know you'll never find anybody that will tolerate you enough to be around you so that's why your so obsessed with me" he turned around and punched me in the neck, I didn't know getting punched could hurt that bad .I stayed there while he drove away maybe I should've listened, I sat down on the floor and I was freezing , he was right about that, I saw jughead walking towards me , I was shaking really badly , "are you okay" "where are we" I asked "like .... Mentally or" "physically" "a funeral home" "that should awnser your question" "here" he said while handing me his sweater" "I'm not going to take your sweater it's freezing" "can we at least go inside" I shook my head , "my car" "okay"I said before I got up , "I'm really sorry about your sister" "don't talk about it" "how are you holding up" "I haven't really processed it yet" "this is probably insensitive .... But you can't cope if your pretending it didn't happened" "I'm coping fine with it" "you don't even want me to talk about it" "I don't get why you're so concerned , it's fine , I'm fine " "I don't want you doing anything bad" "like my sister" "I didn't say that" "I know you grew up so nicely in your nice house with your nice family and all your nice friends and I know that I came in the way of that but you don't need to act like it's your job to watch over me" "you act like your whole life has been so horrible because you had a rough patch or two , and you act like life sucks and that it's always going to suck because you have nobody to blame for but yourself for the mess that you put yourself in" "I see why heather cheated on you , you're impossible to be around" "you're sisters gone , stop acting like she isn't , stop pretending your life isn't falling apart , stop pushing away the one person that will tolerate you in this state" I didn't want to come to terms with it but he was right , I covered my eyes with my palms and started crying in his car , i didn't want to but I couldn't stop , "I'm sorry"
I was sobbing at that point then he held me "I'm sorry""Please don't leave me" "why would I leave you " "I thought