Bughead || recovering

9

Eventually I had to return to school , nobody noticed my absence really , besides like Veronica , who approached me in the halls , it was lunch time and I was in the school newspaper room , because it was always empty , I was doing school work when I heard someone walk in I looked up and saw him , of course it had to be him , I got up and grabbed my folder and walked into the gym right door, witch was completely empty ,
"You can't ignore me forever" , I didn't say anything and just stood there , I still, said nothing , "I would understand if you hate me , I don't know what I said , I know it was horrible,  I wish I could take it back" , I slowly turned around to face him "you can't begin to imagine how I feel" "I know ,and I feel horrible, and I'm sorry" "your not sorry because your gonna do it again"
"I promise you this is the last" "i was clean for a year" "I didn't know you were clean" "regardless , I told you I didn't want to do it and you still tried to convince me either way" "I was drugged out of my mind" "even worse" I said before I turned back around and started walking , "I was clean too you know" "of course you found a way to make this about you" "I know you think I'm self centered , and I'm selfish , and entitled , and you're right , I did like you because you're the only person who puts me in my place , I thought that being you're friend could show me how to be a decent person, I thought you could change me , or at least try to, but you are truly my friend , that wasn't a lie"
"Just admit that you pitied me" "part of me did , I wondered how you became the way you did , I thought you needed a friend" "I want to forgive you , but we both know I can't"
"I understand" "I don't trust you anymore , and I don't know if I ever will again" "why don't we start over" "if I forgive you again it's just gonna open up another opportunity for you to do it again" "is there at least something I can do to make it up to you" "I don't even know." "what do you want then? Do you want space or do you want me to be around
you more or just text cause I can do that"
"I don't know what I want , but when I figure that out I'll let you know" he nodded ,
I sat down on benches and he sat next to me and we sat there for a bit ,
"How long were you clean" I asked , "a few months" "if it's not insensitive, what did you do"
"I would just smoke , I got stopped before I moved on to pills or anything"
I nodded , "we're you like addicted" "very"
"I didn't want to end up the way I did" "I don't think anyone wants to end up that way"
"probably not" I said while looking down , "one relapse doesn't dictate you're entire recovery
It's not like your gonna keep on doing it" "then why does it feel that way"
"Because you feel like you've failed yourself , and that this one slip up is the end of the world"
just then the bell rang and we both got up "well I'll see you" I said , "alright"
It's been around three weeks , I feel like things have somehow gone back to normal
I've started getting better ,I've hung around Veronica more , and being around her is like being around other people so I talk to more people , and my mental stability is okay, I even leave the house occasionally,
As for him , we hang out sometimes and talk , I think I'm going to let him in again
I can see he's trying , this time I think he felt actually bad,
It was Friday night and Veronica was dragging me to a party , I don't know how I always got dragged to some random party's
I stuck around her the entire night , and we both drank , like a lot,
I went to the bathroom to fix my mascara , when I got out there was a room right across
from the bathroom , with the door wide open , it looked sort of nice s I walked in
Thinking nothing of it , I stood in front of the window when I heard someone walk in , the room was dark so I could process who it was until they turned on the lights , and I saw nick
"Do you know who's party this is" , I shook my head , "it's mine" "sorry I was just looking" I said before I tried to walk out before he blocked the door way "so you were snooping around"
"I didn't know this was your house I just thought the room looked nice-"
"you shouldn't have done that" "I'm sorry can I just go back to the party"
I knew the awnser to that the second he closed the door behind him and locked it
I sat down in the bench that was underneath the window , and  he sat next to me
"what's the deal with you and jughead" "nothing" "don't lie to me"
"I'm not lying" "I see the way he looks at you" "like what" "like he wants to sleep with you"
"Your disgusting" "he is a teenage boy" "what do you get out of this conversation"
He stood back up , "I'm helping you realize thus since you clearly can't do it on your own"
"Realize what" "that were perfect for each other" I slightly laughed , witch obviously made him mad "I'll never like you the way you want me to , not ever again"
"Nobody's ever understood you the way I do" "I'm not the person you dated , I need you to understand that" "why don't you love me anymore" "why can't you see , nobody could ever love you , and especially not me , and you can't manipulate me into liking you , your a monster and you'll always be a monster" "I may be a monster , but you are too"
"We're not comparable, not in the slightest " he used his hands and
smuggled my mascara and my lipstick 
"Look in the mirror" , I shook my head , "look in the mirror" he screamed
"What do you see" , I didn't say anything , "a monster" he said,
"I know that you hate that I don't fear you anymore , and I'll never fear you again"
"You have no idea what your talking about"
"I remember what you did , I know you think I've forgotten about it , I know you think that nobody knows what you did but I know , i know what you did" , I screamed
he looked panicked ,and he grabbed me by my hair and took me into the bathroom
and made me sit on the toilet while he filled up the sink , when it was full he made me stand up and repeatingly made me put my head under water for 30 seconds at a time until on the tenth or so time I pushed him against the door and we fought , until I pushed him against the shower as he fell over the bath tub and fit his head really hard on the faucet
witch was a indefinite injury , he laid in the tub almost unconscious and I looked the door and left , I ran out the house really quickly , I was drunk , and it was loud and my head was spinning , I thought I just murdered someone , I sat in the front yard with my head in my knees completely hysterical, and I kept repeating the words I'm so stupid , over and over again, and I feel someone sit next to me , and I looked up and saw jughead, witch was a relief , I hugged his neck "what happened" I tried making out words and I just started crying "can you take me home" "are you okay" "can you please just take me home" he nodded and took me home , he helped me to my bedroom we're I laid on my bed and didn't say anything ,
and wiped off my makeup for me ,
"well I'm gonna go" "can you lay with me for a second" "sure"
I ended up falling asleep and I think he felt bad because the next morning when I woke up he was still there next to me , but he was asleep , I got up and covered him with a blanket , I was reading when he eventually woke up "did I fall asleep" , I nodded "I should probably go"
"You can stay if you want" "thanks but my parents are probably wondering where I am"
I nodded , "and thank you by the way , You don't know how much you helped me"
"Anytime" he said before he left.