Bughead || recovering

13

It was a week Ish later, and it was New Years , my friends were throwing a party , i actually wanted to go , my brother was gonna be there , so I could at least watch over him , my parents haven't responded to any of my messages yet, I don't know what to do,
I was at the party and I was having fun for the most part , and I hadn't even drank anything, I was going to get a drink for jughead when nick came up to me and handed me a cup "god knows I will never drink anything you give me" "suit yourself" he said before he drank it "listen about the other day" "save it" "How bad is your neck"
"I've got to go" he grabbed my wrist before I walked away , I'd die before I caused a scene in a public space, so I just stayed there "I know it was probably really shitty to do that at your sisters funeral" "get away from me" he led me to the hallway that was quite "why do you always make me do these things just to talk to you" "there's nothing to talk about"
"Whatever just go" I walked back and saw him at the end of the hallway
"Hey" "what was that about" "we were just talking" "why was he holding your wrist"
"Don't worry he was just saying sorry you know" "alright"
It was a minute ish tell midnight , and he asked nick if he wanted to do a shot , I was taken back by it , until he smashed a bottle of vodka over his head , like the ones with the really thick glass , and they just started fighting like really badly , until they got pulled off each other ,and nicks face was bleeding and he could hardly breathe ,
and I looked at him , and he walked out and I followed him "are you okay"
"yeah I'm fine" "why did you do that" "I saw you two talking , and I saw how quickly you covered for him" "you didn't have to do that" "your doing it again" "doing what" "defending him" "you don't have to protect me" "do you love him" "what" "is that why you won't do anything about it why you won't tell anybody besides me and you sit there and take it"
"I don't love him" "why are you wasting my time here"
"why do you care so much" "because I care for you" "I never asked you too"
"yeah but I do" "I can take care of myself" "no you can't" "you don't know that"
"you're life is crumbling underneath your feet and you don't even notice it"
"why is it always about me" "what do you mean" "why is the conversation always about me
And what I'm doing and how I'm coping or how my life's going" "because there's nothing to talk about for me" "that's not true, you're life is so weird and fucked up
And you constantly bring up mines and try to help me as a way to deflect from your own ,
and I can't blame you , if I could fix someone else's problems and forget about mine for a bit trust me I would"
He stood there for a second not quiet sure what to say
"the idea of him hitting someone in general just makes me mad , but that someone being you
Just sets off something in my head"
"Are you like a feminist or something" "I don't know why i even try with you"

he walked away and i stood there for a while before i walked to my car and drove home ,

i saw a letter in the mail box , it was it was from my parents and i opened it excited thinking they where going to come home , "hi dear, we aren't going to be home for a couple more months , were traveling all over the place right now , heres some money for the next couple months , xx it made my mad , i felt abandoned .like a kid left alone in a big house , so i just threw it away and went up to my room ,

it had been almost a month ,i started using again , im not proud of it , in the slightest ,i just dont know what to do and he hadn't even talked to me , i tried approaching him in the halls but hed act like i was invisible, i couldn't blame him though,

but id missed him , i missed my life , i just went to school witch id hardly gone to , then home , and occasionally id practice the piano , the giant piano , in the giant piano room , that nobody beside me had stepped in in months , my brother only comes at night , that's still better than before , he wouldn't come at all , ive studied a lot , my knowledge is around the same as a 30-40 year old , thats just what my english teacher tells me , im sure she says that to a lot of people , i could graduate early if i wanted to , but i just cant understand science , if he still talked to me im sure hed help me, hes great at science ,

id been hanging on by a thread for a while , doing the exact same thing everyday , until i got called into the principals office , i saw him sitting down on a chair , "come sit" my principal said like i was a dog "hi" "lets skip to the point , you both have exceptional grades, but to get your full credits for this year your going to have to pull one more passing grade , and coincidentally enough , the only subject your failing is science , witch the other is great at and for you , the only subject your failing is English , witch she is great at" "and there's no other tutors" "I'm afraid not there aren't any more extra credit classes i can take" "we only have a couple , and the one for science is completely full" he said , i looked down the entre time , he was a cool principal "what happened with you , you don't even talk anymore" he joked , i slightly smiled "its like talking to a wall" he handed us a paper saying what times we should meet and progress reports , i looked at it for a second "just come to my house on the third"

the school was having a writing contest thing , that you could write poems or something there where people from colleges there judging , it could help me in the long run i figured , i needed something to do with the things i write anyways, it started at 6 and i sat through around half a hour of people reading what they wrote and my name got called out and my hands suddenly started shaking , and i couldn't look anyone in the eye , "my names betty, i write poems and some are just writings that i wrote about in my room "whenever your ready" i nodded and looked at my crimpled up paper ,

This ones called i never knew you

"now i have to remember you for longer than I've known you"

this next ones not really a poem , more of something that's happened to me

"i was talking to this psychiatrist at the hospital and she asked me "what's your problem" and i said I'm a alcoholic and a addict , and she told me "no that's how Youve been treating your problem"

"alone, i was born alone , i used to have a kitchen table with 5 chairs , now its only one chair , im alone ,but its not so consuming with large windows , large windows that protect me from the world but still let me watch it"

'Hes a artist , I'm the art , his favorite colors are purple and red , he paints those colors on my body because that's his art , he loves me."

that's all I really have for today" in that moment i felt vulnerable , i felt weak i heard people clapping or whatever and i felt overwhelmed looking at rows of people realizing id said that in front of all of those people , i got off the stage and speed walked out of the theatre i out my back against the wall and breathed really heavily , before i walked to my car knowing i couldn't go back in there. i went home and saw someone sitting at my kitchen table in the dark i knew it wasn't my brother because he wasn't that weird , i turned on my light and it was nick , ironic enough, i sat next to him "i havent seen you in a while" "yeah i just got out the hospital" "listen , i tried to prevent it , afterwards we had a huge argument and havent talked since" "look at my fucking face" i did and i saw so much bruising , and stitches "im moving away , so you wont have to hear about me again , so i might as well make this memorable" i tried running up my stairs and he grabbed my feet and pulled me down and just started punching me i didn't knock out or anything but i just fell asleep on my floor , and that was my last memory of him for a while at least