Be You- Short Stories

Mind of the Mindless-Ch 19

I can't tell you where I'm at. I've lost all feeling, but gained all emotion. It's over and under stimulating at the same time. My mind is so loud and it's telling me I'm wrong for choosing what I have. Am I going the right direction in my life? What if I make a mistake? How am I supposed to know anything if the voices are drowning out His voice. I feel so lost. So confused. And like I'm too much for everyone.

I go through these waves. I act like I don't deserve love, but that's all I crave. And after a lot of time, I let you into my life, but when you first know me, I drag you down. Who's to say that everyone will ride my storm and wait till the end? Most people leave me. Only a few have been willing to stay. But you... I can't lose you... and all at the same time, I want to. Cause maybe the voices will leave me alone. Maybe I'm better off in pain? Maybe I'm better off on my own. But I don't want to be. I want to live life to the fullest. And that means having you in it.

I'm sorry for all of the pain I've caused. I'm sorry for all of the darkness I've opened you up to. But please? Don't leave yet. Give me a chance. You'll see. I'm better than you think. I'm just a lot to handle. I don't intend to make your life hell. I don't mean to be too much work. But here we are. And this is who I am. I will get better. But I over guard myself. I just try too hard. And sometimes that is overwhelming to anyone who tries to know me. So if you leave, know that it's okay. I just thank you for the time you spent with me. And I hope you can be happier. But if you stay, bare with me. It takes a minute for me to be able to fully let you in. This is all still so new to me.

- The One You Love

-Nikki-