Butterflies ||a.i

Part 12

TW: talk of a toxic/abusive relationship, and panic attacks continue with caution please!!
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I breathed in the cold morning air before blinking my blurry eyes open to take in my surroundings i was laying alone in a big bed.  I must've fallen asleep here last night.
The empty space next to me was still warm ashton must've gotten up a few minutes ago as well. I sat up in his bed that was way more comfortable than mine and stretched my arms out with a big yawn before flopping back down on the mattress.
"i gotta ask him what brand this is" i said quitley
*buzz* *buzz*
i groaned and picked up my phone
*josh*
I was surprised he was calling since i hadn't heard from in in almost a week no one really had
"hey where you been??" i said in my groggy state. I heard him sniffle on the other side of the phone he was crying?
"josh whats going on why are you crying" drawing more of an alertness
"i made a big mistake C" he said through his tears
"okay you're scaring me now explain." i said back
"please don't hate me"
"come on J" i got up and put on one of Ashtons  hoodies and went out on the balcony of his room overlooking the beautiful fall leaves i didn't want to wake anyone that was still asleep.
"i know you remember sam" hearing his name made me freeze forgetting how cold i was. Sam one of the men that ruined me made me flinch at any raised and or tone.
"of course i fucking remember him why." i said stern my breathing started to pick up just hearing his name i thought i was passed this i went to therapy god damnit.
"well a couple of months ago he came to a house party of mine and we...i was so drunk i didn't even know..." my hand went over my mouth immediately in an attempt to muffle any noise that may have come out of me
"C you have to understand i didn't mean it and i don't like him-"
"so why are you telling me this exactly" i felt a sudden drained feeling
"he became a...source of money...and..he left me last night after a fight while we were on this trip and-"
"wait that's why i had to house sit because you wanted to go make some money by fucking my ab**ive ex boyfriend and now you're calling me about it?!" i shot out at his rambling he went silent for what felt like hours
"got nothing to say?" i said more drained i know this feeling so well
"well yeah but this was the last time i'm seeing him i swear" i huffed
"how do i know that you didn't say shit to me about it in the first place"
"well he left me here and hasn't been responding and i'm just afraid.."
"oh no do you feel scared oh i have no idea how that feels" i'm mad now should i be mad? i'm so confused am i yelling?
"C i need help i know your mad but i'm stuck out here please" my compassion for my friend started creeping up to me i don't want to help him because of what he did but he's my best friend.
"where are you?" i asked all emotion gone
"i'm not sure i can send you the location"
"make it fast or i'm not coming" i responded
"oh my god thank you C i love you so much you know that-"
"wait.." i cut him off
"when, which party" i asked
"what...i...um.."
"just answer the fucking question"
"mid september.." it feels like the wind was knocked out of me i practically hunched over in pain
"oh my god he was at your house when i was and i didn't even know cause you were to busy fucking him in the other room?!?"
"get your shit together i'm coming if he's there you are staying there and i don't want to hear anything from you" i said again without letting him respond i hung up. I looked out the fall leaves practically looked gray now i shoved my phone into the front pocket of ashtons hoodie and stormed into his room closing the door quietly as i still heard no noise in the rest of the house. I put on my shoes that were placed perfectly beside the bed that made me realize Ash had put me to bed in his sweatpants took off my shoes and that made me feel comfort in this time of pure panic and rage. I swung the door open that opened up to Ashton with the most beautiful bed head he was wearing an old looking white tee shirt with a red flannel open over it he looked surprised obviously since i could tell he was going for the door. His expression dropped when he took in my appearance looking at him made me forget for a second but the look on his face reminded me. Oh god do i look that bad?
"baby what's wrong" he grabbed my face in his big hands they practically swallowed my face he was lightly stroking my cheek with his thumb. That small gesture made my eyes get glossy again. Fuck he really melts me.
"i have to go" i said through my tears
"you cant drive like this what happened? did i do something?" he asked worriedly i made eye contact with him and cracked the best smile i could right now to try and reassure him
"no no no you were perfect thank you so much for taking care of me" i said hoping the smile didn't look as pained as i feel right now
"okay well you still can't drive like this can you tell me what happened" i looked down again completely breaking i think it his eyes mixed with all the emotions i'm feeling right now. He pulled me into his chest holding my head against him. I'm getting tears on his shirt i turned my head to the side so i wasn't anymore.
"shshshh it's okay whatever's going on you're gonna get through it i'm right here" he said petting me at this point the thought of how ridiculous i look right now almost made me laugh. I took a deep breath trying to compose myself god get yourself together before you have a panic attack in front of a guy you've been with barley a month.
"i..i gotta..g-go" i said trying and failing to catch my breath
"i cant let you drive like this please let me take you and you can tell me about it on the way if you want" he said still holding me tight
"fine we..ha-have to go now" i said
"okay baby let's go" he grabbed my hand and walked me through the house grabbed his keys and we left.
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hope u guys liked pt.1 of the drammaaaaa
pt.2 is not far behind <3