Strings of Regret

Chapter 39

Kakababa ko lang sa tawag namin ni Tita Ann nang tumunog ulit ang aking telepono hudyat ng panibagong tawag mula kay Reese.

Gulat at nagtataka man ay sinagot ko parin ito.

[Hello?]

[Hi, good evening. Uh, naisturbo ba kita?] si Reese.

Napasulyap ako sa bintana na bahagyang nakabukas bago naglakad patungo doon. Agad na bumungad sa aking mukha ang sariwang hangin. Napapikit ako sa kapayapaan.

[Hmm, hindi naman. Napatawag ka?]

[Uhmm, tomorrow is Saturday. It's your day off. I'm guessing you're free?] usisa niya.

My forehead subtly creased. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang ipinapahiwatig niya at kung saan patungo ang usapang ito.

[Yes, I am. Bakit?] sagot ko.

[I want to invite you with ne tomorrow. Are you sure you don't have plans?]

Mas lumalim ang gitla sa aking noo.

[Oo. Anong mayroon bukas?]

Napatingin tuloy ako sa kalendaryo. Wala naman akong naaalala na okasyon na maaaring mangyayari bukas. Malayo pa naman ang birthday niya.

I heard him cleared his throat before speaking. [Plano ko kasing magroadtrip at bisitahin ang probinsya bukas bandang alas diyes ng umaga. Ayos lang naman kung ayaw mong sumama.]

Napatigil ako sa narinig. Di ko maiwasang punain ang bahagyang panginginig nang kanyang boses sa huling pangungusap.

But wait.. province? Does he mean 'our' province? Visit?! Ang tagal ko nang hindi nakabalik doon!

Simula nang pumanaw sina Mama at Lolo. Ilang beses ko mang ginusto na bumisita doon, hindi kasya ang sweldo ko at wala din akong oras. But deep inside I know that I am only making up excuses.

I can save if I really wanted to. And I can surely make time if I was willing to go. But Cassi was right. I'm still not over my past. I-I'm actually terrified.

[It's okay if you refuse because you don't want to or you have other plans. I understand.] giit ni Reese dahil sa katahimikang namuo sa pagitan namin.

Now, I'm becoming more and more scared. One, I don't think I'm now ready to face the path I turned my back on. That place will just remind of the bliss and happiness that life has stealed from me at a young age. And two, scared that... maybe my assumptions are right.

That his doing this for revenge.

Napasabunot ako sa aking buhok. Ugh, I don't know anymore!

Reese did not receive a proper response from me aside from a shaky 'I'll think about it.' There's a part of me that is eager to go back from the place where it all began. The love, friendship, and comfort. But all those can't suffice the sorrow I felt from then on. Doon din ako nasaktan ng sobra sobra. Kakayanin ko kayang balikan ang lugar na puno ng masasaya at masasakit na memorya?

It would seem like going back and opening my wound again from all the triggering factor present. Yet at the same time, allowing myself to heal ultimately from all the past remnants that were constantly lingering.

I was having a hard time deciding that I stayed up late. Kaya naman kinaumagahan nakatulala lamang ako sa may lababo, bitbit ang isang mug na may lamang kape, iniisip kung tatanggihan ba ang paanyaya ni Reese.

"Ate, ayos ka lang?"

Napamulgat ako nang nasa harap ko na si Renan at nagtanong. Bakas ang pagtataka at pag-aalala sa kanyang mukha. Umiiling ako at nang mapagtanto ang tanong niya ay ilang beses na tumango.