Strings of Regret

Chapter 19

"Tignan mo 'to girl oh. Ang ganda ng pagkakuha ko," si Cassi at iminuwestra ang polaroid.

I had a hard time eating lunch because of what I just witnessed. Gusto kung kalimutan nalang iyon at isipin na normal na pangyayari lamang ang aking nakita. But my mind and heart won't allow it. It was like a capsule that is tough to swallow. It's something that can't be forgotten easily with just a mere thought that it's a normal thing on daily basis.

The girl Reese was with earlier is Tiana. She is from the other section aside from SFX and ours. Classmate namin siya ni Sab noong Grade 7 pa lang kami. She was.. okay naman. We were friends but things started to go sideways because of our busy schedules at hindi na rin kami nagka-classmate ulit pero nagpapansinan pa rin naman.

Palakaibigan talaga si Reese. Mapababae man o lalaki. Hindi na 'yon bago sa akin pero ang kilos na ipinakita niya ay nakakabigla. It was not the Reese that I knew. He is friendly and kind to the point that he is well respected by everyone. Isa 'yan sa mga bagay na nagustuhan ko sa kanya. I fell for his contagious smile, his natural generous attitude and most of all, his constant pinching of my cheeks. He usually do that to his girl friends and I never got jealous because I know that it was natural and he do that occasionally. But what he did with Tiana earlier... it's something quiet shocking for me.

I want to convince myself that it wasn't something big so I don't have to make it a big deal but my mind opposed to what I want to do. Gusto ko na lang isipin na mabait lang talaga si Reese kaya ganun pero iba talaga e.

Gusto ko na lang balewalain ang nangyari kasi kailangan ko pa isipin ang desisyon ko tungkol sa aming dalawa pero napagtanto ko na kung iyon nga ang gagawin ko ay maaapektuhan ang magiging desisyon ko kasi hindi na 'yon mawala sa isip ko. It keeps on flashing in my mind again and again making me think about it over and over.

Hindi na ba niya ako gusto? Pero.. imposible.. Ganun lang ba kababaw ang nararamdaman niya para mawala agad? Kasi bakit ako hindi? I tried hard to bury this feeling for years yet it keeps on resurfacing. Was that the end of everything? Are his feelings... transitory too? Like how everything is?

Huminga ako ng malalim at pilit na nilunok ang bara sa lalamunan. Sumisikip ang dibdib ko nang maalala ulit ang nangyari bago mananghalian.

I'm over thinking again. And I can't help it. Not when Reese is suddenly like this. Kahit ayaw ko mang isipin ang nangyari kanina, kailangan pa rin lalo na't magdedesisyon na ako. It will affect me and my decision but then... why Bri? Kung wala ba ang nangyari kanina, hindi mo rin ba iisipin ang mga negatibong bagay na iyon? I will need to face those pessimistic thoughts and answer those unanswered questions running in my head. Kung hindi masagot ni Reese ang mga tanong na iyon lalo na ang mga panibagong tanong na kinikimkim ko ngayon, pwes ako ang sasagot.

"Gusto niyo pumunta muna sa tambayan? 12:42 pa naman. May oras pa tayo," si Sabrina.

Iginala ko ang paningin sa kabuoan ng parke. The sound of the whispering afternoon breeze hit my face making my long wavy hair dance with it.

I heaved a sigh and spoke. "Huwag na. Balik nalang tayo. Magpapatulong rin si Shane sa 'kin mamaya e."

Sabrina and Cassi just simply stared at me intently. Alam kong pinipilit nilang gawan ng paraan upang huwag ko nang isipin ang nangyari kanina. They wanted to whisk me away from it and cheer me up a bit and it's fine. I'm grateful for that. Siguro kung ako rin ang nasa posisyon nila, gagawin ko rin iyon. And I don't know what they're thinking. Hindi ko alam kung anong masasabi nila sa natunghayan kanina. It was somewhat surprising because that was the first time we have witnessed such scene. Pero ewan. Parang ayoko na ring malaman ang hinaing nila tungkol doon. My mind is clouded enough to add more of it.