Strings of Regret

Chapter 17

Risk-taker. Do I see myself as that? Are certain things worth the risk? What if when you finally decided to indulge yourself and take a risk but suddenly it won't turn out good? Will I be able to accept the failure? But then at least I tried right? At least there will be no room for regrets in the end because I tried.

Na kahit kung masaktan man ako, alam ko sa sarili ko na wala akong pagkukulang. Aside from that, happiness is too hard to come by so might as well enjoy the moment while it lasts.

At siguro ganoon talaga ang pag-ibig. Kailangang bitawan ang isa para maging masaya. Pero nandoon parin ang pangamba. Paano kapag pagsisisihan ko ito? I don't know how our fate works and that adds up to my list of what ifs.

I am so near in making up my mind and decide but there is still something holding me back, our friendship. I know for a fact that if I will give this a chance, our relationship is on the line because we never know if we will really stay as what we are although many years will pass or destiny will break us apart. At kung mangyari man ang kinatatakutan ko, sigurado akong mag-iiba na ang tungo namin sa isa't-isa.

Once is enough for me. I don't want to go through that same pain again. However, I also want to be happy. It's too transitory and life is short. Kung kami talaga para sa isa't-isa, kahit ano man ang mangyari kami pa rin talaga. Ganoon naman siguro talaga diba? Kahit anong pilit nang tadhana na pag-hiwalayin kayo, kung kayo talaga, kayo pa rin talaga hanggang sa huli.

I think I stood there rooted on my spot for around five minutes. My mind still wandering about my conversation with Stephen and my lingering thoughts that I can't help to have.  

Wala sa sarili akong naglakad pabalik sa quadrangle. Naka ilang hakbang palang ako ng mahinto. I saw a figure standing meters away from me. Nasa bandang may ilaw ako at nandoon naman siya sa madilim na parte kaya hindi ko kita ang mukha niya.

The silhouette moved forward. The faint moonlight slowly illuminating his appearance. My lips parted when a familiar face came into view.

Both of Reese's hands are inside his jean pockets, eyes slowly sweltering me with the intensity of his stare. His every footsteps trod the dusty ground as he make his way towards me. I can't read the emotion in the depths of his orbs. He's good at hiding it this time.

Bumalik ako sa pinag-iisipan kanina. Will it really be worth it? Alam niya rin ba ang maaaring patutunguhan namin kapag tuluyan kaming magpatangay sa alon ng kaligayahan? Kahit maaaring bumagyo at malulunod kami? Will it really be worth risking for?

He was the first one to make a move and confess. I'm certain he thought about it before doing the action. And he said so himself that he didn't want to regret anything in the end so he jumped, taking off all of his inhibitions.

Huminga ako ng malalim bago marahang pinakawalan iyon. "Paano mo nalaman na nandito ako?" mahinang sambit ko.

I was suddenly drained and a little bit lethargic because of all the things that happened today. From Stephen's admission down to my unending train of thoughts.

Tuluyan na siyang nakalapit sa kinatatayuan ko. Only the faint moonlight and the light post's distance away are illuminating us.

  "I knew it." Bumuntong-hininga siya ng napakalalim. "He likes you," namamaos niyang sabi.

Alam ko na agad ang tinutukoy niya. Wala akong planong sabihin sa kanya ang nangyari. To respect Stephen and to finally face this situation of ours. Matagal ko ng tinatakbuhan ang problemang ito. I just can't make up my mind. Kung kailan may papanigan na ako, tsaka ko maiisip ang mga posibleng mangyayari kong iyon ang desisyon ko. But then, every decision has its pros and cons. I think I just need to weigh things and the consequences of it.